Extra points for not in any way referencing Mark Sanchez.

what do you get a guy who never wins

Three priests and three little boys are out in a boat when all of a sudden it starts to sink.

The first priest says, "The boat's starting to sink, we've got to save the boys!"

The second priest says, "F**k the boys!"

And the third priest says,"Do ya think we have time?

**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**

**'Hello?'**

**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mummy near the phone?'**

**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**


**After a brief pause,**


**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**


**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mummy,**
**Right now.'**


Brief Pause.


**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mummy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**


**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**


**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**


**'I did it, Daddy.'**


**'And what happened, honey?' **


'Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**

**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**

**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**

**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**

**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**

**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**

*****Long Pause*****



*****Longer Pause*****


*****Even Longer Pause*****


**Then Daddy says,**


**'Swimming pool??? .............**

**Is this 486-5731?'*

**No, I think you have the wrong number.........

OK, this was funny. Made my day...

How do you get four old ladies to shout “****”?
Get a fifth old lady to shout “Bingo!”

so true...

this is a tremendous joke

haha good one

I misread that as "How do you get four old ladies to shout "BINGO"?

And it was funnier to me for some reason.

Two condoms are walking down the street and stop in front of a gay bar. One turns to the other and says "Wanna go inside and get ****faced?"



FYI ****faced means drunk

jokes are always better when you have to explain them

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were getting a divorce.

In court the judge says to Mickey "It states here that you want to divorce Minnie because she's crazy. That's not grounds for a divorce..."

Mickey interrupts, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was ****ing Goofy!"

^ lol

judging by this and a couple other posts you're either taking english for a test drive or setting up to scam/spam people.

almost definitely a 2 step spammer. 98% will be back with spam at a later date. I like to keep them alive to see how long it takes. On another site i mod at I saw one that was 5 years. Color me impressed/easily amused.

A young boy walks into a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "That's the dumbest kid I've ever met in my life.... watch this, I'll prove it to you."

The barber pulls a dollar and two quarters out of his pocket, "Hey kid, come here a second. Do you want this dollar or these TWO shiny quarters?"

The kid grabs the two quarters and walks out the door.

"See I told ya. Dumb as a box of rocks...."

When the customer goes outside he runs into the same kid. "Hey kid, you know that TWO quarters is still less then ONE dollar don't ya?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Well why do you take the quarters?"

"The day I take the dollar is day I don't get anymore quarters."

Did someone already tell the one about the hipster who burned his tongue?









He sipped his coffee before it was cool.

It almost seems like a 90s-era chat bot with a glitch. It would almost make sense if they cleaned up the code a little. How does a close-parens get confused with a period? Copy and paste done sloppily?

The beastie boys have released a greatest hits collection divided into 5 parts. Parts A, B, C, & D are available to download for free, but you have to fight for your right to part E

lol

So bad it hurts (in the best way). Also really enjoyed the two quarters one

epic!

Chemists don't die, they stop reacting.