"I love you loads, honeypie." My Mrs said to me.
"And I love you tons." I replied.
"What, no nickname for me?" She asked,
Sometimes I swear she's going deaf..........
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, 'What is that?' 'They're smart pills,' said the other boy. 'Eat them and they'll make you smarter.' So he ate them and said, 'These taste like crap.' 'See,' said the other boy, 'you're getting smarter already.'
A redneck walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Anything else I can get you, handsome," asks the waitress. 'Well ma'am, I could sure use a nice piece of ass," replies the redneck. She nods and takes him into the back room where they both **** like rabbits. "Now, is there anything else I can get for you," says the waitress. "Thank you kindly ma'am, I could still use that piece of ass 'cos mah drink is gettin' mighty warm," says the redneck.
My grandfather was telling me about a time when he couldn't leave the house without a gas mask.
His Bondage addiction got pretty serious.
I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
i done em in diff colours to make it more funny