Getting a girl to buy you a drink establishes dominant, leading behavior and shatters some of the subservient begging for attention attitude a lot of guys give girls. It's new and interesting and different. Attractive women have guys buy them drinks all the time. It's meaningless (unless you are out one-on-one, then that's a different situation).

Also, getting a girl to buy you a drink is a usually great indicator of interest. Not ALWAYS, but you can judge the situations based on your existing relationship with the girl. In this situation as you just described it with your most recent post, I don't think you can get a read off of her reaction. Be sure to frame it jovially... don't be a douche about it.

I now understand things better with your last post. It seems like you've acted almost asexually towards her for a long time. I don't mean in the sense that you made no sexual advances, but that you have shown little to no interest, but still have catered to a lot of her needs. You are just kind of... there.

The only interest you did show is through awkward lines like this, which I shuddered when I read: "You might want to wake up and realize by now that I don't consider time spent with you to be an inconvenience."

Gubghghg I can just feel the momentary awkward silence after that. You need to be more aloof.

I still think there's potential here though, you just need to change your approach. Don't be afraid to give attention to other women at the bar when you are there. Don't sit there and be her entertainment/lap dog all night. Make her work to earn YOUR attention. But don't be standoffish and laissez-faire either. I know this advice is inherently contradicting, but you need to find a balance. This takes practice. You'll probably **** it up for a while.


I think you guys would find a majority of my stories boring. They're all pretty standard.

Here's a mini-story which builds on the get her to buy you a drink scenario:

At a bar with a large group of friends. I had been "involved" (draw your own conclusions) with a couple of the girls there, and I was talking to one of them. This new girl who I had just met kept coming over and sitting near me to talk to me, and I was switching between her and the other girl. I turned back to the new girl at one point and said, "hey dork you want to do me an enormous favor?"

"what's that?"
"can you go up and get me a beer?"
She makes a pouty face, "are you serious?"
I don't even flinch, "stone cold."
She grins widely and jumps up and says, "Ok!" She then walks halfway to the bar, then turns back and says, "On your tab right?"
I make a (clearly forced) sad face and say, "Sure, if you have to." (This is a tough spot because I don't want to back down, but at the same time I don't want to look poor. I kind of hedged, and I think I handled it fine.)

That beer wasn't on the bill when I closed out my tab later in the night. This is the girl who is showing overt interest in me lately, and I think I was wrong for kind of dismissing it at first, although I have been distracted with finals. She's been texting me asking to study, so I think I'll do that tomorrow and see how it goes. I'll TR here if you guys really want, but I don't find my romantic life terribly interesting for the most part. It's all pretty standard stuff. The parts that ARE interesting really shouldn't be posted, out of respect for the people involved... yes even though they don't read 2+2, I don't feel comfortable doing that since other IRL friends of mine do read it.

Ha...I honestly don't think that line came off as badly in person as it apparently did on paper. There was really no awkward silence. I said it in a lighthearted way, she sort of laughed and then responded, it didn't cause a pause of any kind. And I may not have quoted myself exactly verbatim. In any case, very little chance that line hurt me even if it was a throwaway. I didn't say it with any gravity or any attempt to make a serious point. I was saying it like, "Don't be an idiot, 15 minutes is not an inconvenience to me."

I did actually take the approach you referred to in that last paragraph not too terribly long ago. I went to the bar, didn't expect her to be there, but before I realized it she was right there in front of me. She was talking to a couple of other guys. One of the guys noticed me, said hi, I greeted him, greeted her, was friendly and polite to everyone and moved on in less than five minutes. I proceeded forward to the bar, talked to a few girls there (friends of mine, and I doubt any of it sincerely came off as flirting since it wasn't...but in any case I had paid minimal attention to her in our encounter), and after a few minutes I looked over and caught her eye since she was looking my way. I smiled at her and then focused my attention back on the conversation I was having. Next thing I know, she had peeled away from her group and had come over to basically corner me and talk to only me for the rest of the time she was there.

Again, if I ignore her in most situations she'll invariably come to me, so I don't think I'm in a situation where I'm coming off as some total lapdog. I could definitely stand to flirt with some other women in front of her though...I won't force it, because that would probably look obvious and stupid, but if I genuinely see another attractive girl worth flirting with, I'll certainly go ahead. Fact is that, given the dynamic of things between this girl and I, I don't think she'd be completely indifferent toward seeing me with another girl. I tend to think she'd at least have a negative gut reaction to it. It'd be a pretty classic woman move to only decide to like me once she saw herself losing out, and seems like it may apply in this case. Who knows though.

I really think there's a good chance this girl is into you dude. Convince yourself she's absolutely in love with you, and she just needs to prove her worthiness, haha.

yea cant imagine this girl isnt into you.
nothing important going on with me dany.

The only way I can see there not being a good chance (I'm not calling it a slam dunk anymore because of your new info, but I still think there's a high probability) of her being into you is if she thinks you are gay, haha. I doubt that.

or if youve known her for a long time and shes just really comfortable around you and refers to you as her biffle. yik.

I considered that, but the fact that she immediately intervened and isolated when she saw him talking to girls at the bar made me dismiss it. If she was truly his BFF, she'd want him to cultivate something with those girls.

Haha...odds of her thinking that I'm gay are near zero, I'd guess. Pretty sure I set off nobody's gaydar.

I mean, there's no doubt in the world that she completely adores me. It's just difficult to figure what form it comes in. And to be honest, since I completely try to pull off the dance of acting aloof sometimes and really interested at other times, she might have her own complaints of not knowing where the heck I'm coming from. As obvious as I think my intentions are toward her, I've gotten a mixed vote. I've told two trusted female friends that I'm interested in this one...one said that I come across really obvious, the other told me that I really seem to play it cool around her and it might be hard for her to tell. And my flirting might not make my intentions entirely clear to her since she can undoubtedly see that I have really good rapport with literally dozens and dozens of girls in our class. Lots of attractive girls, though she's the only one that I see as a good GF prospect at this point.

I'd be very surprised if it hadn't at least occurred to this girl that I don't view her platonically. If she suspects my interest, it seems like she would keep a bit more distance than this if she was sure she wasn't interested. Fact is that she might be like many other women in not knowing WTF she wants.

Just going to have to keep playing the situation as it comes. It's just crazy difficult to figure out an endgame, that's all.

You need to make a move at some point. You can't just orbit forever.

do you dance with her at the bar (if its that kind)?
how old are you and how old is she?
have you ever done anything with another girl in front of her like makeout and she got pissed at you?

Like I said in that post, I do think that there's a good chance that she fully realized I wasn't really flirting with those girls and that those girls were of limited interest to me on a non-platonic level. So, not totally sure jealousy kicked in at that point, though maybe it did.

In any case, she sure made a lightning quick split from the guys she was talking to...if nothing else, it may have bothered her that I was genuinely friendly with those guys and didn't seem to give a **** that she was talking to them, and just proceeded on to do my own thing. That seems like the more likely source of jealousy here. "What? Why is he not paying attention to me? What's going on?"

Well I agree, but that brings us...full orbit...back to my original post in this string. I was asking what affirmative move I'm even supposed to take. I'm still entirely confused about that.

I think my first reply covers that well.

While watching that TV series is the obvious spot to try this in.

i was gonna post this

ive never had a girl act like that around me that doesnt like me or something.

None of the bars are really club-like, dancing isn't really applicable. The only club-like bar that's popular in town is one I've rarely been to, I don't really like it.

I'm 29, she's 23. I've worried at times that this age difference might cost me something, but honestly I don't think it hurts. Both being 1Ls, we're both at the same station in life and I honestly always forget that I've got that many years on so many of my classmates. I think they do too. I don't come off as older or having a significant age gap. I fit in pretty seamlessly with the class. And to be honest, since I leave my year of birth off of my Facebook, I'm not terribly sure she's even aware that there's a six year gap. Another female classmate was shocked when I told her I was 29, she figured me for 24 or 25 at the very most.

No to the third question, any heavy flirting I've done with other girls hasn't happened to occur in front of her. That isn't by design, it's just how things have worked out.

Fair enough. It's become such a buddy-fest that I've had a hard time seeing an opening, but I'm definitely going to try your suggestions to get her redirected to the couch. We do generally sit and chat for something in the realm of an hour before we ever get around to watching anything.

Like I said, this means that the whole situation probably won't get a significant update in this thread for better than a month unless something significant happens over coffee or at the post-finals bar run (unlikely that anything significant will happen), since next semester is probably the next real chance to get her over to my place.

I do think I can pretty easily get her out to a movie sometime...she mentioned that she wanted to see "New York, I Love You" when it came out and said we should go see it together. I agreed of course, especially since that's a total date movie, but it got limited release and didn't play anywhere near here. I said we should go to a movie sometime anyway, she seemed receptive but there were reasons that both of the next couple of weekends from that time wouldn't have worked, and I hadn't brought it up again since. So, there do seem to be ways of getting her to actually go out. I don't love all of this "sitting in front of a screen" stuff as an optimal way of making a move, but at least in that case I'd be guaranteed a seat right next to her.

seriously i dont see how this girl isnt into you

Yeah these new updates sound very similar to other friends of mine that have been into me in the past. I wasn't even thinking about it because I wasn't interested in them but they did a lot of this same stuff.

I mean you gotta make a move some time... the sooner the better IMO.

Haha, that just makes me feel like I've misrepresented the situation as sounding too promising for me, although the good signs are all true and told pretty accurately I think. I guess it's a lack of tangible bad signs to describe aside from the repeated "no, I'll walk home alone" thing. It still feels on my end like every time I see a good sign, I soon see a bad one that discourages me. It's also tougher to tell with this one because she tends toward being the shy type.

In any case, I'll keep the thread updated if anything worthwhile happens.

The "sooner the better" part is kind of tough for timing reasons. Being amidst finals, no way I'm going to do something overt until they're over...and when everyone's out partying at the bar after the last final, that's probably the last I'll see her for about a month. I'll obviously look for an opening at the bar as I always do, but with so many people around and her probably not getting drunk (if her pattern holds), I don't see much happening.

Probably can't realistically do anything until January.

not with that attitude

**** it you'll wrap this up at the bar. take a positive attitude. im in the same boat with some girls at law school. eff it. just go for it.

where do you go to school? PM me

No better time than then. Do shots with her or something. If she's a chick and doesn't drink much she'll be tipsy quickly. You won't see her for a month if it goes poorly.

Also if it does go poorly who gives a ****? Unless this girl your closest friend just move on. In fact even if she is just move on and act like nothing happened anyway.

Solid post. Well taken.

Due to what LKJ just told me in a PM I'm like 99 % he has this in the bag. I'd bet on it. I expect a success TR tmw.

To fill the others interested in the thread in, she e-mailed me wanting to come over to study later. I copy/pasted her e-mails, Karak honestly sees the whole thing as a much stronger signal than I do, but we'll see how things go.

(Karak, you're free to talk about anything in this thread I said in that string of PMs aside from where I go to school.)