Could easily get passed and be normal and get married in a couple years but you're 19 and in a long distant relationship in a country I think has an <21 drinking age right? Do whatever you want but if you polled everyone itt older than you they'd say be single. Or try to keep her around but not technically exclusive (I just did this) but that's a lot of stress.

I'm trying to avoid giving long term relationship advice but wanted to contribute something.

Yeah I hear you guys loud and clear, I know how this looks from the outside in. But I genuinely think I was(/am?) happier in this relationship than I would be being single. I mean its hard to judge because last time I was single I was a lot younger and (yes not old enough to drink, 18 in New Zealand) so maybe there's some bias derived from that. It's also possible that my subconscious is too scared too break up with her and I'm just telling my self I'm happier like this to avoid having to do the dirty work.

But when I think about it like I actually was really happy being in a relationship with her.. she was like real chill with me going clubbing and **** most weekends, let me go to strip clubs lol, had full freedom really, I was doing everything I did when I was single anyway apart from trying to hook up with chicks. The only difference is I had a cool girl I was talking to more or less 'waiting' for me and I had an excuse to go to Brazil in my holidays which was even better. Think I may have gave the wrong impression itt that I was cucked or something but na we actually had a really good set up.

Basically my new plan is to not talk to her until either she hits me up, or its been one week, whatever comes first. I'll simply apologize, say what I have to say while giving off a vibe of indifference, and treat it as a free roll..
if she wants to forgive me and give it another shot then great we'll try make it work again and if it doesn't feel the same after a while or it's weird/just not working we'll break up. If she doesn't even want to try then that's fine too, I'll just be single. The EV between both options are gonna run fairly close anyway imo.

big ty to everyone that posted and is posting here proper helped me a lot,

will update as we progress

Lucid,

Solid advice, especially for a guy to understand life better. Obv not use this as an argument with the girl.

OP,
Would personally not write a letter. Give her some time (few more days) then try to contact her in the way you normally communicate. I am assuming Skype call or something similar. If she still doesnt respond you can still come back to the letter as a last resort.

Would also re-evaluate a long distance relationship at such a young age. So much life you still have to discover.

Edit: given you are already evaluating the relationship as a freeroll (imo not, getting back into the relationship can cost a lot of time) like this should be a big enough sign to go for being single.

Wow, the sexism. The exact same statement is true for men.

I was thinking the same.

However I really enjoy reading every single one of Lucid´s posts!
Please post more, LucidDream.

While the exact statement is true for men, it's not most men and it's not most of the time. I'm speaking in generalities bc the majority of men are logical left brain thinkers, and the majority of women are emotional right brain thinkers, this is fact. Are there exceptions, sure but I'm not talking about that bc that's not what we're dealing with most of the time and women feel mostly out of place and alien when they're operating more from their left brain as they lose their femininity which comes from identifying and flowing with their emotional state which is right brain activity.

And don't try to shame me into conforming to the garbage society has indoctrinated you with. Just bc society is pushing women to become more masculine and men to become more feminine so what you said is becoming more true than 100 years ago, that is societal programming, not biological nature which I mentioned in my posts several times. Take you PC garbage elsewhere and save your shaming tactics for someone they will work on.

Alrighty y'all, remember I posted about going to see the Utah chick? The weekend has finally come.

I hope on a plane for Utah tomorrow and will be picking her up for our date probably around 7:30pm. We are going to an upscale Japanese place for dinner, then I'm taking her to a public star party (she's super into astronomy and space and ****), and then back to a chill ass lounge to drink afterwards. I think it seems like a pretty chill Friday night we have planned.

She did say as long as she's home by 6am (lol degen) to tend to her kid then it will be fine.

How the hell do I get her from the lounge to my hotel? Do I just outright say "let's grab some wine and drink at the telly."

We will be Ubering all over the place, if that makes any difference. Thanks duders.

Astronomy rules. And as much as this night does indeed sound pretty chill ass chill AF, you might want to pick up a slang thesaurus before the date.

I mean, this is some long term planning, you'll be drinking, and she said "as long as I'm home by 6am." It doesn't matter what you say as long as you don't flop like Varejao.

Maybe just skip the lounge and straight offer a drink at your room assuming the date goes well. Especially with the time limit

---

Had time limit problems today as well. Met a girl for a drink at 10PM because she had internship and Chinese class so she couldnt meet earlier. She also has her internship again early the next morning so was not ideal but we are both busy.
After a few drinks the bar was getting empty so had to invite her to my place or end the date and decided to just put her in a cab.

Till now I have only dated students so question; given she showed ok signs (starting physical contact, just her overall attitude etc) should I just have gone for drinks at my place and ignore her early morning plans?

You shoulda invited her to yours anyway. If she likes you and had a fun time she wont care.

If a girl asked you to come over and you liked her but you had to be up early, would you seriously tell her no I have to be up early tomorrow? girls love sex as much as us, if she likes you shes waiting for you to invite her back.

Girls are not that different to us, us guys need to learn to see reality for what it is. If you invited her and she said she had to be up early it means shes not that into you.

Ehhhhhhhh. Wouldnt go that far

I don't remember the details but this is an easy one. You're meeting up with a chick you're flying to see and she's a single mom...it's already a done deal as long as you're not a total moron. Pick up wine before the date, don't do a super long dinner, no more than 2 drinks after, as you finish them just say....this has been fun(or whatever), I'm gonna head back to my hotel for some wine...you're welcome to join me( don't stare waiting for a response, just be casual like you already know the answer is yes which it's very likely to be)....and be sure to say it like that as you're just telling her what your plans are in a way that lets her know whatever you're doing isn't contingent on her(this is slightly faulty tho assuming you're flying all the way to Utah just to see her in which case I might say it a different way but generally I like this way the best). EZ game

Something I like way more tho if you get there early enough since you kinda limited yourself by making dinner plans already unless they are just tentative is to invite her to your hotel to get started there for drinks. Then you just never end up leaving except perhaps to grab food in the lobby a few hours later after you both work up an appetite.

FWIW, I really hate the idea of boxing myself in with dinner, not a good play pretty much ever, esp for a 1st date.

Meh, if Brad Pitt invited her back and she really had to be up early...odds she tells him that are basically 0%. I do agree with you slightly as it seems he's planned a marathon of dating activities for a first date(obv trying to make a good impression which is totally unnecessary)

My plan is to pick her up for dinner (Uber, but I kind of want to rent a car), dinner, and then go about the rest decently casually. I keep getting psyched out because she's definitely playing mind games and putting on the tease but you can't fool UCD. If you send me racy pics, I'm going to assume a clear landing. And if this somehow ends up being a bust, I'll galavant around SLC for the weekend on my own. No biggie.

Okay guys sick progression...

So I talked to my girlfriend, and she has added the girl I kissed on facebook lol.. Anyway she showed me screen shots of them talking in DM, and basically the girl I kissed is full on lying to her saying how we were hooking up all night and that I went back to her apartment after and continued to kiss again sober in the morning which is just an out and out lie.

Can't think of why she is doing this other than shes a crazy bitch or wants to get with me?

It's ****** me off because my girlfriend believes her story over mine which is actually laughable. But the sickest part of the whole thing is that even though she believes what this crazy bitch is telling her she STILL said she would give me another chance and wants to try make our relationship work again.

I have to decline this right based on the fact she doesn't believe me? Can't see this working out going forward if she's gonna believe what this rando told her is true.. not to mention the fact I'm very offended that she took her word over mine.


Here's a little taste of some of the **** she sent to my gf:
https://gyazo.com/b01fabb7ba1149e8f7a872dc0b4cf507

I didn't even see her in the morning I went home on my own straight after lol. So it's all just a complete joke really. So what do? I'd be crazy not to break up with her right?
Also worth mentioning I'll get about a 5k refund on flights I had booked to Brazil in a couple of months if I end it.

GF believing her story over yours makes sense logically. You stand more to gain by lying.

Anyway, all of this for a long distance at 19 ain't worth it bro. Just break up with her, and if that other girl is really lying, don't associate with her any more either. It's better for you in the short and long term

yeah you're right, and def wont be talking to other girl again (I have no reason to lie to 2+2)

The fact that the 5k is in any way significant to you means you've already decided

The other girl is doing it bc girls love being tied up in emotional drama and competing for men, why do girls love soap operas and romance novels....rhetorical question

I'd actually tell your gf you're not interested in getting back together if she believes some crazy girl over you, you made a mistake kissing some drama queen that wants to stir **** up for her own enjoyment and you don't need that kind of drama in your life and if you gf is gonna be chatting with her and buying this crazy chicks lies then you want no part of either of them....thats you're best play imo.

She'll probably start chasing you after this as long as you don't give in immediately. And really just don't agree to get back together with her anyway. It's a LDR so just let her come around when she wants but don't get back into anything committed with her and have the best of both worlds and get your 5k refund.

She already knows there's 0 chance you're playing it this cool IRL. You're flying to Utah to see her(from where?). You're planning to take her to dinner and for drinks so she knows you're trying to impress her. She's a single mom so she's gonna milk the attention for all it's worth and she likely thinks less of you for going to such great lengths to go on a date with a single mom anyway(her life is prob a mess in various areas and she knows it). If you've set the frame in which you're allowing her to play mind games with you then you're not in the drivers seat, only thing going for you is she's a single mom with low self esteem that knows she can get laid and get attention but has a tough time keeping a guy around. Depending on the details of all this she may be trying to make something happen long term since you've already agreed to fly to another state to go on a date with her. Not saying the date won't end in sex or go well but you've shot yourself in the foot already before even starting and now more details are making it seem like you think it's less of a lock to end in sex.

yup fully agree, like you read my mind lol

yeah I guess it's a good sign.

I'm flying from Cali, and we are IRL friends. I met her 6 years ago (I was still with my ex) and after she had her kid, she moved to Utah to be closer to her family. She invited me to Utah after her fling with another dude ended, and I told her straight up I was only interested in sleeping with her, not really being her friend.

For me. I had to do this because its one of those "damned if you do, damned if you don't" type things. I had a crush on her for SO long, that I would regret not going to see her and making it happen. Also let it be clear, I'm entirely okay with not having this linger on after a short period of time. My goal is simple: get there, smash, have a good time, and leave it at that.

I remembered this,and you were making too much about just meeting and hooking up.
Go on a simple dinner date and wing it from there,ala what Lucid said.
Right now,don't overthink it.

After that and thinking it over,tell both them ****** to go pound sand.

From what you've written,it doesn't seem that big a loss at your age.

Haha that Swoni **** is hilarious. Her saying "sorry I've felt so sick about this" is just a straight lie.

This exact scenario happened with me and my first gf when I was the same age. Except we had just broken up and ended up at the same party and went home together that night. Rumor starts that I tried to hookup with a different girl who was drunk enough to be referred to as "the drunk girl". Obv I tried when I first met her, before she got tanked she flirted with me all night and then was too drunk on a couch. I sat next to her, grabbed her hand at one point, she wasn't into it, so I dipped.

I ended up getting a phone call from the girl the next afterrnoon after my gf left and she says "so I was pretty drunk do you remember us making out and you grabbing my hand and putting it on your dick?" I was like that's not what happened at all. I was suspicious she was going to text my ex whatever I said so I didn't say I would have hooked up but you were too drunk and you were not interested in me. So instead I just said we flirted casually but when I checked on you upstairs you were too drunk to speak so I left.

Turns out they were on a 3way phone call. And the drunk girl has now been full on in love with me since then (we've smashed like 7 times throughout the years). BASICALLY I'M SAYING THEY LIE. I mean I lied in the story too, if she was like "hey I want to blow you" I would have done it.

You saying it was revealing that you really want to be with her and how cool she was about all the clubbing etc is not you being objective. If she was super cool she wouldn't DM that girl on fb lol. She's not ready to have you disappear out of her life until she monkey branches physically or emotionally to someone else. But everyone needs like one to two to fifty of these experiences in their lifetime, where they look back and say WOW THAT WAS A HUGE WASTE OF TIME AND ENERGY, to gain some perspective so goodluck with that journey.