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Old 04-12-2010, 06:45 PM   #5051
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karak
RANNNNNGZ *****.
Rangz, IMO.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k838r1A51Xw
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Old 04-12-2010, 06:46 PM   #5052
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

RANGZZZZZZ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75NQhbY4YU4

Spoiler:
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Old 04-12-2010, 06:58 PM   #5053
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

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Originally Posted by Vintage00 View Post
RANGZZZZZZ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75NQhbY4YU4

Spoiler:
I just posted that 'cause it was stuck in my head + they say rangz in it.

ehmm, rangzzzz here.
Spoiler:




Oh yeah, Karak is in loooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeee, ldo. Yeota knows best.

Last edited by niftymatt; 04-12-2010 at 06:59 PM. Reason: Karak in love
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:09 PM   #5054
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

Karak,

Have been reading this stuff for a while. Pretty entertaining thread. But this TR series has been especially interesting and compelled me to actually write up a post.

A few points that might come off a little harsh, but I hope you will take as constructive criticism to reflect on when analyzing yourself. Rather than edit here to spin my thoughts in any way, I'm just going to write my immediate reactions when reading. Some of them may not be accurate, and I may also be confusing certain statements regarding certain girls as a lot of these TRs sort of run together.

1) A lot of actions described in your TRs, and even some directed to readers in the thread, show a repeated pattern of passive-aggressive behavior.

2) You constantly talk about your strong Christian morals and what you don't respect in people, etc. Yet you still pursue this girl who cheats on her boyfriend, has rando sex the night before she's supposed to meet up w/ you for a date of some sort, and basically all sorts of other behavior that you claim make you not respect her as a person. What keeps you coming back to focus on someone whose actions repulse you and make you not respect her?

3) You've stated that your Christian beliefs prevent you from having casual sex w/ these girls. You've also stated many reasons why BG (and some previous girls) are very annoying to you and not dating material beyond a potential casual relationship. Yet you appear to love these weird relationships and spend what looks like lots of time and energy interacting w/ these girls that you find largely annoying and do not have sex with (I'm referring to A,B,BG here). Have you thought about why you do that vs. focusing on higher quality girls? My armchair psychologist view on this is that you crave attention from wherever you can get it, and your attitude and actions are a cover for a huge fear of rejection.

4) Are most of the girls in these stories Christian? Are they aware of your stance regarding morals/sex/etc and aware of the fact that their interactions with you are unlikely to result in sexual intercourse? With A, B, and potentially BG, it sort of feels like you are their friend who is willing to give them plenty of attention and affection that they are not getting from other guys they hook up w/ to f***.

I'm sure there's way more to these interactions that what you write up. But based on your TRs your relationships with girls seem to follow quite similar arcs, which is what my thoughts above are based on. I'd be interested in your and also yeota's (and whoever else knows you IRL) opinions on what I wrote.
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:11 PM   #5055
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

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I'm also smart enough to know a LTR with her would never EVER work out, for the following reasons: age difference, maturity difference, distance, her past (would bother me for a ton of reasons, but it's something I COULD get over), moral differences, religious issues, etc..
i.e., she believes in sex before marriage? HEYYYY-O!

Last edited by goofyballer; 04-12-2010 at 07:11 PM. Reason: nice work!
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:13 PM   #5056
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

lol nice new undertitle gb
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:33 PM   #5057
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

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Originally Posted by El Diablo View Post
Karak,

Have been reading this stuff for a while. Pretty entertaining thread. But this TR series has been especially interesting and compelled me to actually write up a post.

A few points that might come off a little harsh, but I hope you will take as constructive criticism to reflect on when analyzing yourself. Rather than edit here to spin my thoughts in any way, I'm just going to write my immediate reactions when reading. Some of them may not be accurate, and I may also be confusing certain statements regarding certain girls as a lot of these TRs sort of run together.

1) A lot of actions described in your TRs, and even some directed to readers in the thread, show a repeated pattern of passive-aggressive behavior.

2) You constantly talk about your strong Christian morals and what you don't respect in people, etc. Yet you still pursue this girl who cheats on her boyfriend, has rando sex the night before she's supposed to meet up w/ you for a date of some sort, and basically all sorts of other behavior that you claim make you not respect her as a person. What keeps you coming back to focus on someone whose actions repulse you and make you not respect her?

3) You've stated that your Christian beliefs prevent you from having casual sex w/ these girls. You've also stated many reasons why BG (and some previous girls) are very annoying to you and not dating material beyond a potential casual relationship. Yet you appear to love these weird relationships and spend what looks like lots of time and energy interacting w/ these girls that you find largely annoying and do not have sex with (I'm referring to A,B,BG here). Have you thought about why you do that vs. focusing on higher quality girls? My armchair psychologist view on this is that you crave attention from wherever you can get it, and your attitude and actions are a cover for a huge fear of rejection.

4) Are most of the girls in these stories Christian? Are they aware of your stance regarding morals/sex/etc and aware of the fact that their interactions with you are unlikely to result in sexual intercourse? With A, B, and potentially BG, it sort of feels like you are their friend who is willing to give them plenty of attention and affection that they are not getting from other guys they hook up w/ to f***.

I'm sure there's way more to these interactions that what you write up. But based on your TRs your relationships with girls seem to follow quite similar arcs, which is what my thoughts above are based on. I'd be interested in your and also yeota's (and whoever else knows you IRL) opinions on what I wrote.
I'll respond in order:

1) I have an interesting stance on passive-aggressive behavior. I think as a general rule it's a suboptimal pattern of behavior, but I think it can serve its purpose in certain situations. There are times where subtle actions (or non-actions) accomplish your goals without the effort, potential downside or overt nature of aggressive action. I'm generally only an aggressive person when the situation calls for it. I think my IRL friends would hesitate very strongly to call me passive aggressive.

When it comes to issues between close friends or family, I will never act passive aggressively out of respect for them, myself and an understand we already have. When it's people I don't know as well or someone who is a stranger, then I am going to act in a way that maximizes my utility. Sometimes the ease of passive aggressiveness will accomplish this. I also think it is an effective tactic against people who are OVER aggressive and will not back down in the face of aggression no matter what.

2) What I realized about BG is that what she did is similar to something I did my sophomore year. Again, I just enjoy being around her and I am not pursuing anything serious.

I have a very specific type of girl I am looking for when it comes to any type of relationship or dating. I have no problems being alone, and it doesn't bother me at all, so I'm extraordinarily picky when it comes to pushing something beyond a few dates. BG actually fits a little bit of the unique mold I am looking for, but obviously hits a few dealbreakers which counts her out as a LTR.

3) I do enjoy getting attention, and I won't hesitate to admit that, but I think fear of rejection is quite an illogical jump. I really don't understand how getting myself involved in all these situations notes a fear of rejection. None of these girls interest me in the slightest way in the form of a LTR (although, admittedly, C did until she proved to be a latent psychopath). I have been quite bold with approaching and pursuing nearly every girl I've shown preliminary interest in, and I honestly can't think of a situation in the past 9 months (I've been single for 9 months or so), where I ever backed down.

I, however, did question why I was involved in all these situations, similar to why you did. I did this about a month ago and talked it through with a very close friend who knows my psyche well. Honestly, we came to the conclusion that it was a sample size issue. I'm locked in the small world of law school nearly 24/7 during the school year. It's my OneL year so any socializing is limited and we generally go the most convenient route... other law students... such as ABCD. Quite honestly, the pool of talent is very small and I settled on what was convenient since I spent most of my time there. They were all sub-optimal situations, but I was bored and it provided me great entertainment. I'm not saying these girls are low value, I don't like to use terms like that, but they are certainly not compatible with me. I simply do not have the time to pursue social interaction anywhere else. Hopefully by 2nd semester next year I will. That's just how law school works. There is absolutely no way around it. LKJ can back me up on this.

I struggled previously in my life with depression, especially early in college, and I am very acutely aware of my psychological tendencies and why I do the things I do. It's important for me to have that knowledge so I can understand and manage my emotions. I think I'm to the point where I do it quite well. When I behave suboptimally at least I am aware of it and can plan contingencies or change the underlying motivators moving me in that direction. I was previously completely out of control of that.

It's also worth noting I am not completely celibate, as I admitted in the EDF thread, so there is some sexual gratification to be gained out of these situations. However, and maybe this is a result of my faith, sex is important to me, but not important at the same time if that makes sense. In an emotional context, sex is an important communicator and way to get close to someone, especially someone you love. In a physical context it's a pleasurable and healthy activity that feels good, relieves stress and fulfills certain inherent needs. From a logical standpoint, however, I do not find it very pressing or necessary to constantly get or pursue sex. It simply would get in the way of my life's goals, my faith and act as a distraction. So I'll take it as it comes outside of a relationship, but I'm certainly not actively pursuing it constantly.

4) Some are. Relationship wise not being Christian is a deal-breaker. One of the things that really cooled me to B was her mocking me (quite overtly) for my religion one evening. That was pretty much the end of her. I don't even talk to her anymore outside of just being friendly. Same goes for A. I cut both completely off. I have no interest in being their emotional crutch or GBFF to steal a term from our friend on the other board.

D I keep around because I value her highly as a friend and confidant. D is interested in me romantically and wanted to date me. I cut that part off, and I made it platonic. I'm fine with that.

And to say nothing sexual happened with these girls, (speaking of BG, D and C), would be incorrect. And if my views on sex make them unwilling to proceed further, then fine. I don't really care. Some people here don't seem to understand that I know of many relationships where one party draws the line further than the other which work over a long period of time and can lead to marriage. That's hard for people to believe here, because many don't come from that background or a view of faith. I think that is pretty common here, especially dealing with people from the south. I know some girls who don't pray very often, don't know the Bible well, aren't very spiritual and don't go to church but who CLING to abstinence before marriage because it's a core part of their family values, not a religious ideal. I'm talking attractive women well into their 20s. This is not common, but it certainly is a situation which occurs more in the south than up north.

I'm acutely aware of becoming the emotional crutch, and it was one of the reasons I completely cut A and B off. A and B served as good entertainment for a while, though, and I'll have good stories to tell for a while. I love telling stories.

All in all, I think your overall analysis is highly inaccurate. And I'm not the type of person who is biased and incapable of looking in a mirror. Because, as aforementioned, of my past struggle with depression and anxiety, I am very aware of my psychological tendencies and drawbacks. I tend to idealize relationships, overthink situations and stand on logic alone to get my way out of many situations. My ego also gets unchecked at times, and I can get emotional and overreact to certain things. Because of this awareness, I try to adjust my behavior as a result. Sklansky talks about this in DUCY where he discusses how if you always slice, you start aiming left of where you want to go. This is more or less what I do while, at the same time, trying to correct this suboptimal behavior over time. That correction will come with maturity and life experience. I'm still young and have not been out in the real world yet. At least I'm aware of it.

It's also incredibly difficult to analyze things over a computer. Many of the things I say or do would come across completely different framed in context with prior actions, body language and tone. It's one of the reasons I am hesitant to post TRs, as it is far too easy to misinterpret my behavior, but with a nod to you I like writing too much and even better like it when my writing gets attention and people comment on it. Again let me assert that these stories are all true.
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:44 PM   #5058
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

Also let me add that I am extremely uncomfortable with an open discussion of my psychological tendencies here, especially since most of it is based on evidence gathered from postings on an internet message board. The obvious biases and drawbacks from trying to psychoanalyze someone based on that alone concern me, and my IRL friends do read this board. I don't think it would be uncommon to find that a "board personality" someone carries does not match up with their "real life personality." Obviously there's a strong correlation, but trying to pick up on latent and minor clues to define someone simply cannot be accurate.

I would ask that my RL friends please do NOT contribute anything about details of my RL life or things I do. I don't want to go there. Thanks.

I posted these TRs as entertainment for everyone else here and to get their quick views on the situation. I did not ask for nor do I desire to engage in any discussion of my personality, my faults or my issues (should they exist or not) with life. If I want to talk about that, I'll speak with my parents, friends, pastor or schedule an appointment with a therapist.
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:45 PM   #5059
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

wow
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:46 PM   #5060
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

(i didn't read your very last post)

so you're not going to have sex with BG? because you said you realize getting in a relationship with her is a bad idea but you're against having sex with her otherwise. she's going to have sex with other guys and obviously you're going to be jealous because look how you reacted to the kiss.

THIS WILL END BADLY... unless of course you listen to my advice and bang her but actually even then you'll probably fall in love with her because that's how you seem to be.

i guess i now would like to change my advice to giving up on all young, dumb, college girls who like to party and focus on your career and finding your wife to be. then buy a dog immediately to solidify your relationship together. enjoy 5pm movies, chinese night thursdays, brunch with her parents sunday, and updating your facebook status to how much you guys are in love
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:47 PM   #5061
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

someone tell me what TR actually means
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:55 PM   #5062
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

trip report
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:57 PM   #5063
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

trip report
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:59 PM   #5064
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

[EDIT: posted this before reading your latest post. Feel free to delete this post. If you don't want to continue this discussion, I totally understand.]

Karak,

I skimmed your post and will read more completely later (and perhaps respond more, but most of the answers didn't seem to require much further response/discussion).

However, I'll elaborate on my fear of rejection statement. The reason I said that is because it seems like this arc repeats itself:

a) Girl X is all into me, GO KARAK!
b) Nothing happened, also this girl is not as cool as I thought
c) LOL story re: this girl, I would never date her
d) Girl wants to hang out, LOL whatev
e) OK maybe I'll hang out w/ girl for amusement value
f) Wow, this girl is so annoying trying to hang out w/ me, lol no interest at all
g) OK hung out w/ Girl X a bunch more times, I guess I like her

Obv I took some poetic license there, but it seems like pretty much all the girls you've described spending time with since I've been reading these threads are girls that you joke about a lot and describe why they are not the caliber of girl you would ever go out with. Yet when they start expressing a lot of interest in hanging out with you, you switch your tune and start hanging out w/ them.

Obviously the girls who are blowing up your texts nonstop are unlikely to reject you. And it's those girls that you seem to be focusing your efforts on, even if you previously explain why they are not ideal girls for you at all. But what I don't recall are tales of you taking the scary steps of putting yourself out there and going for it w/ girls you consider to be really awesome.

That's the main reason I wrote that. Additionally, you seem to be very quick with this whole "oh let me come up w/ a sweet 'cocky funny' putdown" and you seem fixated on whether actions are "alpha" or "beta" and similar things. That's often an approach used by guys who are trying to fake having a lot of confidence, but deep down are lacking real innate self confidence. Not saying that's necessarily the case with you, but a lot of times guys who act like that are very insecure deep down.
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:01 PM   #5065
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karak View Post
I don't think it would be uncommon to find that a "board personality" someone carries does not match up with their "real life personality."
I think it varies from person to person. Some 2+2ers I've met have been the exact opposite of what you'd expect (i.e. yvesaint), lots have been exactly the way they seem to be online (I think I'm that way).
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:05 PM   #5066
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

I disagree with your above post completely, but as I said above I have no interest in discussing this and did not ask for opinions on it. I'm not blaming you for offering your opinion, and I appreciate your time and effort in doing it, but it is something that I will discuss with trusted friends and confidants IRL if I believe it is an issue.

I do not believe it is an issue. You are taking a bored law student recently out of a relationship that nearly ended in marriage who only has limited free time to go out IRL and posts some of his funny girl stories online into a full blow (amateur) diagnosis of deep seated psychological issues. I'm sorry, but you're wrong. I may have certain personality issues, but these aren't it. Furthermore, I'm not willing to discuss or debate them online.

Again, though, I do appreciate the thought you put into your posts, and I don't blame you as I did put myself out there and put my stories out there and probably, with my behavior, invited this sort of analysis. This makes it fairly clear to me that it was, as I have previously thought, a mistake to post the TRs, and this is going to be it from me. I just don't feel comfortable with this. It may be irrational, but it's how I feel. Too many people I know IRL read and post here.

I also think my board personality, while sharing some characteristics, is markedly different from my personality IRL. I obviously show more restraint and socially acceptable behavior IRL, (blowing off steam is what the internet is for), and it's much easier to type things on a forum than it is to articulate or even believe them in real life.
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:13 PM   #5067
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

haha great work diablo
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:14 PM   #5068
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

Karak and others,

Speaking from both personal experience and that of numerous friends who have gone through this process as well, I've found that figuring out why we really do things, why we take certain actions, etc is one of the hardest things to figure out for yourself. Especially when it comes to relationships. But if you can be honest with yourself and figure out WHY you make certain mistakes, WHY you are attracted to certain types of people/situations, and what you REALLY are looking for, you are going to be much more likely to find yourself in positive relationships with girls you really like and that really make you happy.

So, I definitely understand if you don't want to discuss that stuff any further, and I won't make any posts taking it there unless you take it in that direction. However, I sincerely do believe that the types of things I wrote about are directly related to one's ability to have a really successful relationship. This is coming from someone who for a long time only had sex with serious girlfriends, then had sex w/ a lot of girls I wasn't really interested in except they were hot, then settled comfortably somewhere in the middle. That process took me a lot of years.
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:14 PM   #5069
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

It's fine. I'm going to leave the posts for now, but I may reconsider later. I think it's important to have this out here, because if this is how people are truly interpreting my behavior and they are associating this personality with me IRL, then I have made a horrible mistake in being as revealing as I am on this thread. I think it should be fairly obvious from the tone of my last few posts that my board personality differs (at least somewhat) from who I really am IRL, and at this point it has seemed to go past funny and crossed over to an area that has greatly disturbed me.
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:16 PM   #5070
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

Karak,

Just delete posts you don't like, but don't stop your TRs, they are the best thing in this thread! Well, second best thing after the high school dude's posts.
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:17 PM   #5071
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread






nerve hit imo
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:17 PM   #5072
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by El Diablo View Post
Karak and others,

Speaking from both personal experience and that of numerous friends who have gone through this process as well, I've found that figuring out why we really do things, why we take certain actions, etc is one of the hardest things to figure out for yourself. Especially when it comes to relationships. But if you can be honest with yourself and figure out WHY you make certain mistakes, WHY you are attracted to certain types of people/situations, and what you REALLY are looking for, you are going to be much more likely to find yourself in positive relationships with girls you really like and that really make you happy.

So, I definitely understand if you don't want to discuss that stuff any further, and I won't make any posts taking it there unless you take it in that direction. However, I sincerely do believe that the types of things I wrote about are directly related to one's ability to have a really successful relationship. This is coming from someone who for a long time only had sex with serious girlfriends, then had sex w/ a lot of girls I wasn't really interested in except they were hot, then settled comfortably somewhere in the middle. That process took me a lot of years.
I'm not disagreeing with any of this. In fact just a couple weeks ago I had a discussion with an IRL friend on this topic itself.

However, having the spotlight directly on me as it is in this forum is uncomfortable and, even looking at this night alone, it has sucked up an extraordinary amount of time that I don't have. Not that I doubt anyone's abilities to render advice on here, but I talk these issues through constantly with IRL friends, and that's where I'd prefer to turn for any type of psycho analysis.
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:17 PM   #5073
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by El Diablo View Post
Karak,

Just delete posts you don't like, but don't stop your TRs, they are the best thing in this thread! Well, second best thing after the high school dude's posts.
You can't seriously like the high school dude's posts.
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:18 PM   #5074
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yeti View Post
haha great work diablo
Quote:
Originally Posted by daryn View Post





nerve hit imo
And then posts like this do nothing but cause me irrational tilt, and it affects my ability to work IRL because I'm annoyed at something posted on the internet. I think if my IRL friends didn't post here it would be different, but that's simply not the case. I'm sticking to my guns, and I'm done posting TRs.
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:19 PM   #5075
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Re: SL "Ask Out A Girl"/Relationship Advice Thread

give me a break man. having the spotlight on you is uncomfortable? you ****ing love it as long as it's guys congratulating you on doing next to nothing with girls! turn it around and you're shook to the core.

sucked up time? yeah because you made it a point to write 16 staggered trip reports leading everyone on as if there's going to be a big finish, and then comes the "well i won't say exactly what happened, but SOMETHING def happened guys, for reals"
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