well at this point you either accept being friends and having a platonic relationship, or you tell her how you feel and you get her side of it. and you may still be able to stay friends after if thats what you want.
i did one "i like you talk"...senior year of high school. it wasnt awkward, and i dont think it will be for you cause you know this girl pretty well (and chances are she knows already anyway).

From what my wingbro told me the Asian girls I struck out with massively last week just invited the two of us out to dinner.

Will post more details tomorrow when I can see straight.

I've done "the talk" a couple of times.

Both gave me the "that's really flattering, but..." response. The first one came around about a month later and we ended up dating for a couple of months. The second one, I saw her a few times after that, then stopped contacting for several months (this one was easy as there weren't many occasions where I would just bump into her), after which I was able to be fine actually hanging out as friends.

I guess I can't say that I regret doing it either time, although it makes for a terribly uncomfortable conversation. I dunno, I'll think about it.

My friend told me yesterday morning at school she was still down for the date, she was just busy and couldn't talk that night. She texted me back last night saying that this weekend wouldn't work, how about next? I'm leaving for a trip on wednesday, so looks like this will never happen.

Guess imma find another girl

It's not the most comfortable convo in the world, but just sounds like in your situation the peace of mind afterwards will be more than worth it regardless of how she reacts to it. Also since you two know each other so well it will be quite a bit less awkward I'd think. I've done it once, basically because I was really clueless at how to actually make a move a few years ago, but even still I'm glad I did it today and being friends after (in a context where we both understood) was not awkward at all.

Go ahead if you must but you know what she's going to say already.

The positive outcome we want from "the talk" is her leaving you alone (since you've made it clear that bothers you a lot), and not her showing interest.

That's why I'm fine with it.

I concur with the others in recommending "the talk." Based on your TRs with her I don't see another way for you to signal to her that you are wanting more than platonic friendship.

You have a valid concern that seeing her nearly everyday would be uncomfortable after "the talk." I had "the talk" with a girl last semester and I still see her literally everyday now. Its not uncomfortable unless I make it. I've demonstrated that I've accepted it and moved on.

Honestly I had a girl (who I go to school with and see every day) have "the talk" with me earlier in the semester. I had to explain to her I was not interested and would probably never be interested, although I did it tactfully. We avoided contact for 2-3 weeks until it was clear she was "over" it, and now we are really close friends. Not only that, but she's involved with another guy.

This is D I'm referring to if anyone was wondering.

I'm not any under any illusions, it's a huge longshot that she would actually respond by reciprocating.

However, Karak basically summed up why it might be beneficial to get things out in the open.

With that said,
"I can't believe we're just going to march into certain death." -Kevin Spacey, The Usual Suspects

It's really not that easy to get psyched up to do such a thing, given that it's so unlikely to end well. So I don't know. Like I said, I'll think about it.

Why would you ever have "the talk" instead of just asking the person out on a date?

Everything I've ever experienced just tells me girls hate boys that talk about their feelings or what they want instead of acting upon it. Someone confessing their "like" for you just makes dating them into this whole big pressure situation.

Edit: After rereading all of LKJ's posts I do not understand in the slightest why you change your behaviour for this girl. If you want to see your friends, see them. If you don't want to talk to her, ignore her or give one/two word answers or excuse yourself. The first step to not being infatuated is actually doing all of the things you'd do if you weren't in lurv. Whether you like her or not part of being her "lapdog" is thinking about how she's going to react to everything you do.

Okay time for my contribution:

Girl A I met through my friend's GF. I went out for a group thing to wing for my friend when he was just meeting his lady, saw A and thought she was hot. No sparks flew so I ignored it, became facebook friends and occasionally chatted. Back in November I thought I felt something, we went on a handful of dates, but again no sexy time, both agreed it was kinda blah. She was flaky. She asked if we'd be friends and I told her I don't really do that with girls (mostly true).

Girl B is cool but harmless, and really really wants to be my girlfriend. I've been seeing her since the beginning of November, the sexytime is good but we're not monog because I told her about a month ago I didn't want to be just yet. We're still pretty coupley when out in groups, though, and most of my inner circle just assumes she's got her paws/dibs on me for the time being.

3 weeks ago I was talking to A about how she's so flakey and she mentions that we should do something that Saturday. We'd both made it obvious since Nov that we'd only hang out alone if it was datey, so I took it as her asking me out. I said sure, then two days later she flakes out before the date. Whatever.

The next day she acts as if nothing happened and says "if I make ACTUAL plans I'd keep them." I scoff at her so she says she "proves it" by asking me out. We go on a date and.. well it was fun but again, no sexytime. Seems promising though so I ask her out again the following weekend and...
she flakes again. When I call her to figure out where to meet she mentions something about being lazy to go out and while she mumbled something about going to a movie instead it inevitably leads to frustration and laziness and she stays home. This was a week ago.

Throughout this whole mess I'm sleeping with B but putting up with A's drama because she's hot. Tonight we're going drinking to celebrate ppl doing their LSATs this mornin' and B mentioned she looks forward to de-stressing me. I invite a couple friends and then two hours later my buddy's gf texts me:

"Oops. I didn't know B was gonna come out, and I invited A out with all of us. Should I uninvite her?"

My play?

... wow as I type this out i realize how stupid it sounds and that I probably ended up doing the right thing.

I dunno how appropriate/inappropriate it would be to actually tell your friend to uninvite A, but I think your play is 100% to hang out with B and not spend much time with A if she does come.

A doesn't sound like she's worth your time in general.

This.

i only got 1 response about my situation, so ill cliff it here and hope someone answers:
-girl in my discussion
-want to ask her out
-valentines day is this weekend
-is it too soon/too upfront/too weird to go out with her for the first time on valentines day?
-is it ok to say something to the effect of "if you give me your number, ill make sure you have a date for valentines day".
-should i put it off until a weekend that isnt so stressful on girls?
-should i put if off until ive hung out with her in a non-date situation first?

I graduate this May. This is absolutely horrifying to me.



+1 mirrion

I wish I learned this before coming to college...

This is all valid, except that the nature of the situation is such that asking this girl on a date doesn't result in her viewing it as one. She says yes to asking her out to dinner one-on-one, she says yes to asking her out to the movies, etc., but nothing indicates that she then sees it as a date.

A single guy asking a single girl, "Hey, you wanna go out to dinner tomorrow night?" That's a date FFS. It'd be one thing if it was a last-minute, "Hey, you hungry? Let's go eat." Premeditating it by at least a day is a different thing in my opinion. But again, her accepting and then going to dinner doesn't actually mean anything.

Aside from actually using the word "date" in the question, I don't know what else I could have done in these attempts to ask her out.

I understand that in all likelihood the whole thing is completely futile now, and that I'm essentially just dealing with aftermath, but it can't honestly be said that I didn't both (1) ask her out or (2) try put myself in a position to make a physical move. I did.

my friday night TR is pretty uneventful since i can't remember anything past like 11:30. i went to watch my roommate's brother play some show. i'm not into that scene or the music so i got drunk before going. left the place and went back to my house to meet up with ppl and figure out what were doing. i kept drinking so i gave up on going to a kegger i heard about that was kinda far. we ended up just playing pong and drinking with the group.

the one girl i was interested in to hookup with has messed with my brother before and he was there lol. so ya my night ended with me getting taped and super glued to a chair. and waking up sleeping on the opposite side of the bed trying to figure out why. then i got up and saw a huge puke stain on my bed. i heard there's pics out there somewhere so maybe i'll post them.

Turnupthesun,

There was an episode of 30 Rock about first dates on valentine's day. If I recall correctly zany adventures ensued. So err.. yeah there's that.

But personally I wouldn't want my first date to be on valentine's day... just way too much cost, pressure, lovey dovey couples walking around. Unless you're absolutely in love with her and want this to be the beginning of some movie romance I'd wait a week or maybe consider asking her out for something less serious in the next week to test the waters.

As a rule, most of the time you think you're saying something really clever/natural to a girl but you've been obsessing/thinking about it for weeks it's not going to come across anywhere near as carefree as you hope.


Me,

Yeah I texted my friend's GF back "lol I don't really care and it might be funny for you". In hindsight I may have been a liiiittle too flippant towards A considering it's her friend, but I'll stick with it. There's definitely a pathetic little petty side of me that's curious to see how she reacts to B fawning over me.

LKJ,

When she accepts your offer to go out there is a butt-load of good in the line:
"Awesome. Then it's a date!"

You must have 0 humour/sarcasm in your voice when you say this, though, obviously.

Sorry if I get your hopes up LKJ, but it seems like there's a chance that your girl is really into you but just really weird and maybe prude?

There's a non-zero chance of this and there always has been, but as said earlier, it's definitely a longshot.

i mean she wont even sit next to you on a couch. donno why shes still being discussed.

LKJ, I had a similar situation to yours a little over a year ago. I even got to the point where I tried to kiss her and got shut down, yet she would still go on non-date "dates", act flirtatiously, etc etc. BLECH fts.

Get over her. Just stop giving a ****. You don't have to go out of your way to hang out with her or not. If you feel like doing it go ahead, but I doubt you will. If you end up becoming genuine friends thats fine (I did in my situation), if you end up having a drunk/random hookup with her thats fine. But I guarantee that 99 times out of 100, you will NEVER have a relationship with this girl. There is too much weird drama that has gone on (at least on your end, who knows her story...).

You are going to probably feel a little weird for a few weeks at social situations around her, but after not that long you won't, and then she's just another person. It really does just happen like that.

The "nonzero" chance is irrelevant. You don't chase a gutshot on the turn just because you "might" get there. It's gotta be worth it, and this girl flat out AINT.

A guy and a girl can go out for dinner and not have it be a date. I do it all the time.

I always use the word "date" when I ask a girl out for the first time, and I recommend others do the same.

You did try, but I don't think it's as obvious to her as you think it is. Yea, it's possible, even probable, she knows you're interested, but reading about all your interactions with this girl, I've acted the exact same way towards a lot of girls whom I view just as friends, so yea, take that fwiw.


I really think your best move here is ask her out on a date (use the word!). Whatever chance you have of her reciprocating if you have the "talk" is tripled if you ask her out on a date. And either way, you have to move on if you get denied.