Simply to spite LKJ:
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Originally Posted by yeotaJMU
i know, that every time you get involved with a new girl, it takes the same progression. first, i can tell by the way you start talking about her, that you are already putting her on a pedestal somewhat, and you manage to find a way that makes her unique and distinguished compared to other girls. i am seeing this again.
Cite evidence of me doing this please. Was it when I said I sort of wanted to go to jazz in the park instead? It's funny because when discussing this situation with a friend of mine the other day (a close female friend of mine you know who she is) and running the venue by her, she goes "I can already tell you don't like this girl. You couldn't sound less interested." My reply was I simply knew very little about her, which I think is reasonable.
Additionally, I actually went far out of my way to not discuss her as little as possible. And, quite honestly, I know very little about her outside of her a) college, b) major and c) hair color.
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then i caution you to not jump in too fast. you say you dont do that, its just a first date, im not even interested, she has a BF, etc.
then, some kind of warning sign comes up. im like uh dont you think that is strange/****ty/odd of her? you then make an excuse for the girl. i again caution you to not get too invested and put the girl on a pedestal too quickly, then you assure me that you wont.
Warning signs we've encountered in the past:
-boyfriend
-****ing a random dude
-suicidal
-whore
Warning signs we have here:
-24.5 hour response to a voicemail
Not sure where I ever told you "it's just a first date" as this is the first, formal "first date" I've had in quite possibly 5+ years. Every girl I've dated seriously was in college, and all the involvements in the past year or so were not structured around the formal, adult dating model.
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soon after, after you are either more involved and are in denial, or are just more involved than she is, something else happens. whether she blows you off, gets reinvested in the BF, ****s another dude, etc, it tends to happen. this tends to hurt you because your personality is such that you like to be accepted and dont handle people not loving you super well, which is fine.
You are referencing situations which a) involved multiple dates, b) feigned commitment, and c) much more vicious warning signs.
Here you have listed: blows you off (she delayed, sure, but then she responded and even sent messages the next day about how excited she was), she does not have a BF or ex-bf I'm aware of (cause I don't know a damn thing about her), and I am not aware of her habits of ****ing other dudes.
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i remind you that i tried to tell you this at the beginning. that you were getting too invested and ahead of yourself, but you always make an excuse for the girl and apologize for her behavior. i dont think any of this is irrational.
If I made apologies for what BG did immediately after I broke it all off with her, I'd love to see them.
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the fact that this girl, which once again i can tell you are doing the same with thing wrt pedestal and uniqueness (hence the post i bumped)
I cannot stress to you how little I know about this girl. The post you bumped had absolutely 0 to do with her. I honest to God only know her major, college, name, age and hair color. It's simply impossible for me to put her on a pedestal unless I really get a hard-on for engineering, which I don't. Do I put girls on pedestals? Yes. Am I doing it here? It's not even ****ing possible that I am. I really know NOTHING about her. I'll just throw this out here even though I was avoiding it at all costs: I MET HER THROUGH AN ONLINE DATING WEBSITE. I'VE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO HER IRL BEFORE.
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, already has done something, which imo is ****ty (she choose consciously not to call you until she did. if she was truly excited she wouldnt have waited 27hrs and until you were sleeping to return a call and leave a message like that). this, again, imo, is a warning sign. perhaps it is a warning of how she perceives you (not a BF type/not looking/ not a big deal/ something casual), or perhaps it is because she is a ****ing ******, or something else. none of those are good.
Sure. A sign. Just like you said. Pain in the left side of my chest running up and down my arms is the sign of a heart attack too. Doesn't mean I'm having one. I might be.
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and you can say "its just casual" like you have told me before, and ill tell you again, i dont think you are capable of keeping something just casual, whether that be hooking up "NSA" or casually dating. this is because, like all things in your life, you like to jump in and consume yourself with them (this is a positive for almost all aspects). with girls, i think you have a tendency to get ahead of yourself. im just trying to warn you, like always.
Never said any of this. I'm exploring a potential LTR here, even though I'm not sure if she's LTR material or not (and, like most dating interactions, it's not very probable that she is). The first date is "casual" sure, we aren't going to a prom, but I have never said I'm looking for NSA or a non-committed sexual relationship. Not once. Completely fabricated.
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if everything goes well, then you know that 3 yrs from now at your wedding we will laugh about this and you can troll me about it. im rooting for you, as usual, i just want you to heed my warning, at least in the back of your mind.
im also just giving my opinion. i would drop the chick in this situation. i have nothing invested, and i wouldnt appreciate being on the hook like that, its bull****. you arent me. i do hope you have a good date, i just want you to keep everything in perspective.
Of course. Please trust that I have the intelligence above that of an 18-year-old, though, and enough social cognizance to behave as one above the competence of a lemming in the adult dating world. Because if I don't at age 25, I'm in serious trouble.
