ive read a lot of threads here on student life and 2+2, and a common theme (as well as a common theme with me and my friends) is our insecurity when it comes to approaching a girl we have interest in.

in this thread, i propose we share stories (success and failures), tips, and propbets to help the community with girls.

i will start. there is a girl in my class (MWF) and we have "flirted" (i hate using that word, but i dont know what else to call it) for the last couple weeks. I am not sure if she has a bf, which always tilts me because i hate making things uncomfortable no matter where i am. if she has a bf, i have to be in class with her the rest of the semester. if she rejects me, the same awkwardness.

whats my move?

This is so simple really. Best thing to do is just ask her what she's doing right after class one day and if she says nothing go get coffee with her right then.

If she has another class or says she has plans just say we should get together outside of class sometime and go from there. If you make plans right then cool, if not come up with something fun and comfortable for her within the next class or two. In other words, don't invite her to your place...

are you ****ing serious? usually i just go with "do you have a boyfriend?" if i want to find out. but it doesn't matter if she is getting regularly plowed or not by some other guy as she could still have sex with you.

only took 2 posts to show why i almost didnt make this thread. well done. this thread is intended to be the SL version of the relationship advice thread, please dont kill it.

im all for talking about girls. but you need to be told not to be such a pussy. most guys do.

I understand you dont like the way slime said what he said, but there is a large truth in it. In your original statment, you make the jump from finding out that she has a bf to things immediately becoming awkward. Assuming you know how to talk to a girl that you like versus any other girl, then things shouldnt be awkward if you find out that she has a bf. This can easily be found out from one of the two following ways:
1.)just straight up asking like slime says
2.)making some comment about hanging out sometime, which in turn she replies i have a bf

Honestly OP i think you are overanalyzing. The only one who would become awkard is you, not the girl. If being up front with her is not you style(which im presuming is not), then just time it right, say when you both laugh about a movie or you both agree that you like to go to a certain bar,resataurant,coffee shop. At that point in time you can make a comment about doing one of those things.

I find that ive rarely if ever, regretted going for something. But I always regret the times where i never went for it...and this goes beyond just women.

Hope that helps

OK here's one.

I met this girl maybe a month and a half ago at a bar with some friends. We hit it off and been going out maybe once a week since then combined with one phone call a week. Pretty early on i found out that she was sexually prudish and called her/arranged dates less frequently. I haven;t talked to her in like a week and i just lost my cell phone on Friday. Currently i have lost all interest in this girl and just want to cut it off. Now that i don't have a phone though i can't do it through texting/call. Is it OK to just stop calling her/blaming the loss of a cellphone as means of cutting her off?

OP, no need to put the whole situation on a pedestal and make it such an intense situation, which as above...makes you be awkward, nobody else.

In school/on campus, go for a coffee..keep it in "neutral/common" surroundings so it doesnt seem such a big deal. Then you'll know by the time you're done with coffee/lunch whether she wants to give you her number and hook up some other time.


DerrtySlime.. Nobody likes it but we all do it and its uber standard. Its like saying "its not you, its me" yada yada. She gets it.

You really already did the hard part, starting a "freindship" is prob the hardest or most akward thing to do. Add her on facebook? You will see if she has a boyfreind... just don't go all stalker. But just ask her to do something after class one day...

You: "Ughhh I'm so hungry, I didn't eat all day"
Her: "Me too "
You: "wanna get food after class?"

Have a test coming up? Project? Homework? Ask her to meet up some time to do something relating to class if your nervous. I wouldn't really worry about trying to find out if she has a boyfreind, if you've talked a lot and she hasn't mentioned him he prob doesn't exist. But seriouslly just ask her to hang outside of class sometime, you've already talked to her its not like you started this thread by saying "This girl in the front row is so hot, I stare at her everyday Tips??" And even if she does have a boyfriend it wouldn't be akward if you act like your intentions are freindly, what's the worst that happens you hang out outside of class, find out she has a BF and then just stop talking to her as much? It's akward if you are like "xxxx would you like to go on an official date and be steady?"

OP, don't go gettin yourself put in the "friendzone" with all this advice about coffee and homework. You might as well be her new gay friend if that's the route you take.

Keep things cool and find a way to say something like "hey come to my friends house tonight there's gonna be lots of crazy drunk people their". Her answer will pretty much tell you what she thinks of you... If she likes you she'll show up even if she has a bf. Tell her to bring some hot friends too so she doesn't think ur stalkin her.

If she says "can I bring my bf?", counter with "meh, I don't know... only if you promise it won't cut into our quality time ----- say with semi-smirky grin... it's all in the delivery

Or screw everything I've said and make things awkard with questions like "do you have a bf"...

I remember this one time back in the day this chic was totally giving me all the signals for the first three weeks of class - similar to what you're describing. Then one day I see her getting dropped off by some dude and giving him some slobby slob tongue. In class I was like, yo save that stuff for church nympho... she laughed and said she can't help herself. I told her I noticed some flaws in her method and I'd be glad to give her some pointers -- chics love being challenged, she said "I doubt it", I'm like after class around the corner, she smiled... after class she tried going the other way - I said "chicken", she smiled and walked toward me then I just grabbed her and kissed her while grabbin her ass. She loved it of course and we went to my apartment.

Good times.... gonna go have a cry now cuz I just remembered my life blows now

If this ridiculous story is true I'm pretty sure it was a fluke.

hey Sun the most important thing to know is, not having an outcome or even with any girl!..But if you really like this girl go for it Sun..GO with that core intent..little by little let her know that your interested.

If she sees you as this kewl, fun, confident guy. then shes probably going to want to hang out with you..One thing i always tell some of my friends is, always have abundance of girls in your life.If nothing good happens with this girl you'll always have another one right around the corner.

You also say that you hate making things uncomfortable? Again, not having outcome dependence.. ALSO ANOTHER BIG THING TO REMEMBER " WHATEVER YOU FEEL, SHES FEELS ASWELL"Stop thinking in your head what your gonna say next, just let it come out naturally. For one thing right now is Sun, is to get her number, go on a fun date. So right there should tell you if she indeed has a bf..need any help just ask =)

Probably an opportune time to link a Student Life classic. Maybe there are lessons to be learned there! It's funny for me to read after all this time, that was almost three years ago.

goofy i read that thread for like an hour and have no idea what's going on.

Ill share one of my dilemmas. I have this girl who id say is 9.5/10 in the looks department but honestly she bores me. She isn't THAT much fun and our main interests are in different things. I want to continue banging her, shes fantastic in bed. However i don't want the relationship, but the more we get together the more she is texting, wanting to do things together, etc...basically move towards a relationship.

So my question is this: What is my play in order to maintain the status quo. Am i just going to have to discuss how i feel with her and risk that she will not be interested in that type of relationship, or can i just avoid the hanging out often enough to drag this out.

nm

Well I would first suggest decide if you honestly don't like her, or you just don't want to have a gf period. If you really don't want a gf period then I would suggest finding out whether she is banging because she likes you and wants a relationship or just wants to bang for the sex. I mean I was in a relationship with a girl before where we had sex, but also didn't mind if the other went out on a date or did something with someone else, because we always ended up back together having sex. So see if this is a type of relationship she would go for. If not and she wants you to date and bang her exclusively then you have a few choices.

1)You can tell you are just wanting a relationship. With that she might be
upset and it might be the end of the sex with you 2 for the time being. Or she might say ok that is fine and the sex will continue as normal.

2) Date her and continue banging as normal

With option 1 even though you will 60% be ending the sex you two had, she will not hate you because you are being honest. Therefor this leaves the option for sex open. If you choose option I would suggest still talking to her and being flirty. Act as if you two never had the discussion about dating. This way you will ultimately become her sad sex, happy sex, just want to **** person. In a sense even though you are not dating, she will still see you as a bf because you are always there and still want to hang out with her and treat her like a gf without the title.

Sorry for the long read.

Check her facebook? Either that or jut be a man and ask her...

gonna just do it tomorrow.
will give the details itt.

IMO i think you just wanna be F buddies, nothing wrong with that. I think you should just limit the times you guys text or talk. If you text daily, stop! just talk to her maybe once a week..Soon she'll get the idea, and know your not really interested in a relationship..so just keep being kewl and i promise that you u guys will still be F Buddies


So if it ever does come to that point, just let her know how you feel. But know what you really want.

Fail.

after class:
me:how did studying for that test go
girl: it went alright, its not gonna be too hard
me: o thats good....man im hungry (im sooooo smooth)
girl: lolz, im tired
me: wanna go get foodz? (nice segway, huh?)
girl: nah, i think im just gonna make something at home. thanks for asking though.
me: (fml fml fml) mbn, i have no food at home.
girl: blah blah blah
me: are you going out tomorrow night?
girl: yea!11! are you?
me: (i say yea and then tell her about a party and then dont invite her cause im a fckng ****** jioesagjioseajfioeehrinweaiuofn)
girl: aw that sounds cute
----get to point of walk where we go seperate ways-----
girl: dont you have to go this way to get food
me: nah, i think im gonna go home first
girl: (this kid is a fckng ******) alright see ya friday
me: i hate my life

Ok so not a bad first attempt. I see where you made your errors though. It's not so much a big deal you didn't invite her to the party, its that you screwed up by not going the same way she needed to go. Her saying don't you have to go this way to get food was your chance to say oh yeah lol then you could have said are you sure you don't want to eat? my treat and then she prob would have been more inclined to say yes or atleast understand what you were trying to do. This also gives you another shot to say So about this party, would you like to go?

You made your big mistake by not going the way she was walking. Its ok though. There is next time. You can recover from this. You just need to focus and don't get down on yourself.

yea i realized like 45 seconds after that i ****ed it up. i was like noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
then i realized how easy it would have been to say "you should stop by" after she said "cute" about the party.
i suck.
seriously.
on friday how direct should i be?
should i be like "i wish i saw you last night, i wish i got your number so you could have come"
or something like "we should meet up to night, ill text you when im heading out"
thoughts?

"i wish I saw you last night" is desperate... are we desperate???

it's halloween weekend, are you going out this weekend? Don't stress about the food thing it's really only meant to work when the other person is hungry. I don't think I'd offer to pay either, you want to act like you want to get to know her not buy her food and get in her pants (even though this is the target goal).

The key to girls, poker, and life is lying. So Friday when she tells you she is unsure about where she is going out on Friday you tell her about a party you know of/plan to go too. If she drops the "cute" line again you tell her she should come. If she acts interested here comes the lie, you don't remeber the exact address get her number so you can txt her the details. Then later txt her to see if she wants to pre-game or something, idk the rest is easy. Or if you want to keep it really low key give her your number if she doesn't sound excited about going out. Tell her to txt you if she decides she wants to go later. This way the pressure is off your shoulders and you will see what her intentions are.

Don't worry about the other day, if you were looking for a one night stand and just met her then you blew it but if you are looking for something longer term then the war is far from over.

"Trying too hard" comes immediately to mind.

You asked her to eat with you. She said no.

Not a big deal. Doesn't even qualify as embarassing rejection. That is why saying "you hungry?" works. No pressure, no embarassment.

She did say "thanks for asking" which either means that she isn't interested in you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings or that she actually wasn't interested in eating with you on that day. The first means that she likes you and you have a friend, the second means that you may have a shot at a date in the future.

You did act kind of ******ed after that, but you are a boy, so she is used to that. Your take on how ******ed you acted is probably exaggerated.

Just calm down. If she isn't into you, there isn't much you can do, and at least some girl is talking to you. If she is into you, well, that is complicated. Personally, I have never had a girl who was interested in me say no to eating lunch. I have heard stories of drawn out courtship, but I don't have the attention span, I guess.

As far as what you should do tomorrow: Tell her where you are going. Tell her how much you are looking forward to going. Ask if she wants to go. Listen to what she says. If she says yes, ask if she wants you to stop by her place to walk her there. Give her directions if she says yes. At any point in which she says no (to either of the prior two questions), don't geek out and ask the same question a second time or try to convince her. Also, don't invite yourself to whatever plans she has. Both are stalkery.