Quote:
Originally Posted by Gold and Blue
I'll give you guys an update.
The girl who I discussed earlier surprisingly called on Sunday while she was sitting in the airport. She asked a stupid question about when an assignment was due. Pretty stupid because its written in bold on the syllabus.
Spent about a minute on that and then went on to talking about our Thanksgiving breaks and law school. Apparently, she did not realize that its colder in the Northeast than it is here in the Southwest. Now she really wants to attend the state school's law school that I've been dying to go to. She said she can't handle the cold.
Today she was really nice in class and complemented me on my presentation. Later she texts me with news that she got into a law school in the Northeast. She's done this type of texting before. She texted me after she ran this half marathon while in San Fran on Halloween. Just seems odd to me that she'd thinking of me while she experiences these things.
She does not ever mention our last conversation.
Here are the thoughts running through my head:
1. Why are you calling and texting me? Go ahead and talk to that "other guy" you're seeing. I'm kinda starting to doubt he exists.
2. Don't you feel just a little weird around me or talking to me after what happened? Don't you think that you'd want me to know that there is nothing there but friendship (if thats really all you want)? I expected her to act differently.
3. Is it ever not creepy/desperate/obsessive to ask her about that "other guy"?
4. Honestly, I'd rather you leave me alone. I would rather not keep up this "i'm cool being in the friend zone" facade.
Hm. Odd spot. Something is definitely off with this girl. Her latest behavior, coupled with fact that you previously stated she seemed "closed" and "shady" makes me wonder.
There could be some issues or she could just be generally confused at where she is in life.
There's a few possibilities here:
1. She feels guilty. You seem like a very nice guy, so I assume you come across the same way IRL. She might feel bad about letting you down (as women often do), and she is trying to make up for it by being your friend and talking to you.
2. She developed attraction. Maybe she realized she misses talking to you and she is really attracted. The other "relationship" may have been an issue, or maybe she has psychological issues. Who knows?
3. She was always attracted to you, but for whatever reason she is afraid to show it or get into a relationship. I think this is the most probable option. She may be afraid for any number of reasons: hurt in a past relationship, psychological issues, there really is another guy and she can't decide, etc. She's trying to keep you around, but she really isn't sure what to do.
It could be any of the 3. From what I know now, she could simply not be attracted at all and just value you as a friend or she is very attracted. I can't quite decide at the moment.
You have a few plays:
1. Completely blow her off. Essentially, through your behavior, give her a big "**** off go talk to your boyfriend." She'll either fade away (likely) or come on strong to win you back (unlikely with this girl IMO).
2. Try again. You can make an overt effort to build attraction just like before and see what happens.
3. Hedge. Pick somewhere in the middle. Keep your distance from her, for now, but keep your options open. Kind of take the standard "push and pull" approach. Show her interest at some times and show her nothing at others. Pursue other women and make sure she finds out about it. Blatantly move on while still improving your status in her mind.
My thoughts on each play:
1. 2nd best play. If she really is just playing games with you, this is the clear play. **** her and using you as an emotional crutch (which she might be doing). You can't stand for that. However, if she really does have attraction then this probably won't get you a good result.
It is worth considering, though, that you may still NOT want to attract her back even if she does have attraction. If her reasoning for not committing to you is some sort of deep-seated psychological issue or the girl is just plain insane, you're gunna want to run run run anyways.
2. Hate this play. Awful (I know I came up with it, haha). It failed the first time for some reason, and it will fail again, even if you execute better.
3. Best play, assuming you can keep your own emotions under control (this is important! More on this in a second). You push and pull her, keep her distant, give the appearance of moving on (because you really ARE moving on, just keeping your options open) but continue staying in contact with her and seeing her so she sees why you are so awesome. Just be awesome always. Impress her, her friends and anyone else watching while actually searching for other chicks. You'll either find another girl that you really like, or this one will come running for you, or both (which is a good problem to have, just don't be a dick and use them.)
The danger here is if you let yourself get too emotionally invested in this girl. Not only will that lead you to fail street (you won't actually be moving on and no one will think you are), but it's gunna sting even more if she rejects you again. Keep your emotions at bay, do seriously consider other women and keep your options with her open. If through this course of play you discover she's insane or has some sort of serious problem, you can easily slip away.
I hope this all makes sense. I'm just gunna smash post without reading it over since I have work to do, but I'll have to double check my work later. Everyone feel free to be critical, unless you're just gunna be dumb and say "OMGOSH STOP BEING FAKE JUST BE YOURSELF." We've already dealt with that earlier in the thread.
Summary:
OP sorry I did not get to this earlier. You seem nice a real decent guy, and I think you deserve better than to be pushed around by a girl like this. Move on, just don't be afraid to keep your options open if she sparks your interest again.