From Dorothy Parker: In Her Own Words-

“Mrs. Parker had a rooted aversion to [A. A.] Milne in all his pastel moods and a little history to go with it. In 1928 she had been required—in her capacity as ‘Constant Reader’—to review his latest offering, a book called The House at Pooh Corner, in which Piglet asks Pooh why he has added the phrase ‘Tiddely-pom’ to a song, and Pooh answers, ‘To make it more hummy.’

‘And it is that word “hummy,” my darlings, that marks the first place in The House at Pooh Corner at which Tonstant Weeder frowed up

― Dorothy Parker

'The penalty for bigamy is you have more than one wife. '

I love George S. Kaufman:
Satire is what closes on Saturday night.
In a letter to a friend, 'I understand your new play is full of single entendres.'
Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay."

Parker's are endless:
'One more drink and I'll be under the host.'

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”

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Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well- warmed, and well-fed.


Herman Melville

^ Thanks
Melville...always the deepest of American writers

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I have not failed 700 times - I have succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.


Thomas Edison



Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall



Confucius



Life can only be understood looking backwards. But it must be lived looking forward



Soren Kierkegaard




Believe those who search for the truth. Doubt those who say they have found it



Andre Gide




A man mouths hard words and believes he understands hard things



Herman Melville

California is the department store state: the most of everything and the best of nothing.

~R. Chandler

All these taken from Taste of Cinemas’ excellent list of the top ten comedy movies

Airplane!

“Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?”

Bringing up baby

“Now it isn’t that I don’t like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I’m strangely drawn toward you, but––well, there haven’t been any quiet moments.”

Withnail and I


“We want the finest wines available to humanity, and we want them here, and we want them now!”

Dr Strangelove

“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room!”

This is spinal tap

David St. Hubbins: “It’s such a fine line between stupid, and uh…”
Nigel Tufnel: “Clever.”

Duck Soup

“I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.”

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The past isn't dead. It isn't even past.



William Faulkner

Scott Adams on women

“It’s hard to argue with the government. Remember they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they know a lot about satisfying women”.

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from the Soundtrack from the movie South Pacific - 1958




You've Got To Be Carefully Taught

Matthew Morrison, Paulo Szot





You've got to be taught
To hate
And fear


You've got to be taught
From year To year
Its got to
Be drummed in your dear little ear
You've got to
Be carefully
Taught


You've got to be taught
To be
Afraid
Of people
Who's eyes are oddly made
And people who's skin is a different shade
You've got to
Be carefully
Taught


You've got to be taught
Before it's too late
Before you are six
Or seven
Or eight


To hate all the people
Your relatives hate
You've got to
Be carefully taught

You've got to
Be carefully taught

Some people never go crazy....What truly horrible lives they must lead - Charles Bukowski

There's approximately 20 people alive who might have a special memory of this song. (It was played often on the Alexa at the psych ward....in part the most fun I've had in the past 10 years. There was a guy in there pleading insanity to get out of prison, the toughest guy I've ever met. During a particular rendition of the song, he announced to the room that he and I are living what was being played .)

John Lennon

My wife was taught how to play chess by a guy on a secure psych ward. I never won a game against her, mainly due to her use of unconventional moves involving concealed razors.

Sounds romantic.

There is no medal better than being acclaimed for your style. ~ J. Cryuff.

“Let’s do it.”

- Gary Gilmore, shortly before his execution by a Utah firing squad.

There was nothing really as glorious as a good beer **** - Charles Bukowski

Dolly
“After Momma gave birth to 12 of us kids, we put her up on a pedestal. It was mostly to keep Daddy away from her.”

Without music, life would be a mistake. -
Friedrich Nietzsche.

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"The taverns are full of gadabouts making merry this eve and though I may press my face like an urchin at a confectioner's, I am tempted not by the sweetness within. A dram in exchange for the pox is an ill bargain indeed."


Diary of Samuel Pepys re the Great Plague of 1665-6.

"Sometimes I think "The whole world has gone completely crazy'.
And then I think 'Aw who cares anyway'?'
And then I think 'Hey, what's for supper'?"

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

Since I an currently watching the movie, a few “Paint your Wagon “ quotes

Mr. Fenty : Horton, how did that bottle get in your pocket? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING HARD LIQUOR?
Horton : Well, since this afternoon. I know you don't approve, Pop, but believe me, until you've had a good cigar and a shot of whiskey, you're missing the second and third best things in life.
Rumson : Horton!
Pardner : Where'd you take him, Ben?
Elizabeth : Damn you, Ben Rumson. What are you going to teach this boy next? How to cheat at cards, or just physical education with one of Willie's floozies?
Horton : That's the best one, Pop!
Rumson : Horton!
Elizabeth : Is that what you did today, Ben?
Rumson : That's what *he* did today, Elizabeth! I tell you, that boy's got a talent for dissipation that is absolutely unique!
[Horton beams]

Mrs. Fenty : You should read the Bible, Mr. Rumson.
Ben Rumson : I have read the Bible, Mrs. Fenty.
Mrs. Fenty : Didn't that discourage you about drinking?
Ben Rumson : No, but it sure killed my appetite for readin'!

Miner : Hey, Ben! These men came all the way from Fiddler's Camp, just to see your wife.
Ben Rumson : Well, looks like I married myself a tourist attraction.

Horace Tabor : Is it your proposal, Mr. Rumson, that we knock out the stage driver, steal a coach, and kidnap six women?
Ben Rumson : Sounds better every time I hear it.

Horton : Mr. Rumson, I swore I wouldn't tell anyone. I hope that means except my father and mother.
Ben Rumson : That means especially your father and mother.
Horton : But I've never kept anything from them before.
Ben Rumson : Well, it's time you started. Because when you do, a whole new world opens up.

Ben Rumson : Now, don't tell me you've never been with a woman.
Horton : No, sir I haven't.
Ben Rumson : Well, that, that's terrible! Did you know you could go blind?

Teddy Roosevelt
“Comparison is the thief of joy”

Frank Schubert
“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife”

Come, come you talk greasily; your lips grow foul. – Shakespeare

Henry Fonda's character in My Name is Nobody: "When you're up to your nose in ****, keep your mouth shut."