When I hear the word "culture", that's when I reach for my revolver.

-Hanns Johst

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he wrote this when he was just 22 years old

Just heard that this morning. All-time classic.

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from the poem If by Rudyard Kipling




If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

Dolly Parton on cooking
I had 12 siblings, me and my elder sister did most of the cooking, mainly because mom spent most of the time having babies

http://www.openculture.com/2012/02/2...n_the_web.html

I'm not sure which collection these are all from but some might be new for you. Enjoy!

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. - Jimi Hendrix
or
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we
are. They are different.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

I love to go to the zoo. But not on Sunday. I don't like to see the people making fun of the animals, when it should be the other way around.
Ernest Hemingway

The American novelist Scott Fitzgerald is supposed to have said once to Ernest Hemingway, 'You know, the rich are different from you and me. ' Hemingway replied, 'Yes. They've got more money.

Gives me goosebumps every time

George Orwell
A people that elect corrupt politicians, imposters, thieves and traitors are not victims, but accomplices.

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“They wrote in the old days that it is sweet and fitting to die for one's country. But in modern war, there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying. You will die like a dog for no good reason.”




Ernest Hemingway

Peter Crouch
“What would you have been if you hadn’t become a professional footballer”
“A virgin”

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there used to be a tv commercial for a stock brokerage and the actor said:


"We make money the old fashioned way. We earn it."


then of course, there is the twist for Madoff and others like him - you can say:


They made money the old fashioned way. They stole it.

Jimmy Carr
“What’s the difference between rape and football?”
“Girls don’t like football “

Not sure what the point of this quote is but it is not funny at all and completely inappropriate.

Sorry, if you watch the video you may get the point, one of the women in the audience protested saying “I like football “

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a few more:



90% of the game is half mental

you better cut the pizza into 4 pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat 6

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.

Never answer an anonymous letter

The future ain’t what it used to be.

Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel.

He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.

Yogi once signed a card he sent to his wife "Love, Yogi Berra."

A+

"Most women, you see, see men as either red or blue. The red ones are easier."

......................

“People speak sometimes about the "bestial" cruelty of man, but that is terribly unjust and offensive to beasts, no animal could ever be so cruel as a man, so artfully, so artistically cruel.”


― Fyodor Dostoyevsky






ᴅᴏꜱᴛᴏyᴇᴠꜱᴋy ᴡᴀꜱ ɪᴍᴩʀɪꜱᴏɴᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏʀᴛᴜʀᴇᴅ ʙy ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴢᴀʀɪꜱᴛ ʀᴇɢɪᴍᴇ

Few more Clive James quotes(copied from chorltle.co.uk)
‘A life without fame can be a good life, but fame without a life is no life at all.

(On Murray Walker, a notoriously excitable Formula 1 commentator)

‘Even in moments of tranquillity, Murray Walker sounds like a man whose trousers are on fire.’

On Barbara Cartland: ‘Twin miracles of mascara, her eyes looked like the corpses of two small crows that had crashed into a chalk cliff.’

On George W Bush: ‘Every sentence he manages to utter scatters its component parts like pond water from a verb chasing its own tail.’

On John McEnroe: ‘He was as charming as always, which means that he was as charming as a dead mouse in a loaf of bread.’

‘A poem is never finished, only abandoned.’

'Mocking Hugh Hefner is easy to do, and in my mind should be made easier.’

‘Men never sound more stupid than when they're telling you they're a very complex personality."'

‘Joan Rivers’s face hasn’t just had a lift, it’s taken the elevator all the way to the top floor without stopping.’

‘You can never get a woman to sit down and listen to a drum solo.’

‘I saw the film Pearl Harbour and it made me wish that the Japanese had bombed Hollywood instead.’

‘The essence of a class system is not that the privileged are conscious of their privileges, but that the deprived are conscious of their deprivations.’

‘Never trust anyone who listens to Mahler before they're forty.'