If I ever get too full of myself, remind me of the time that I forgot the laws of gravity, leading to a minor flood.

Same place as previous post. We had a small accident causing a large amount of bubbles to float down the road. There was a directors meeting going on at the time, Stephen the factory boss said “They can’t do that!” I just said “We already done it matey”

Steve R
Big and violent.
One of the women on reception said that he looked scary but was harmless; since he once told me that the sight of someone being knocked to the ground and kicked was “As funny as ****” I doubt the harmless bit.
Still drunk from the night before he once waved a girlie magazine out of the car window at passing schoolgirls while shouting obscenities

I lent him my shoes so that he could get into a nightclub

He would debag a fellow worker every Thursday evening,

He came to the conclusion that the solution to being unable to control a large dog and the subsequent damage to the doors in his house was to remove the doors

He was always respectful of people that he saw as his intellectual superiors

He was a bit distracted at work after one of his friends was thrown to his death from a hotel room due to a drug deal that had gone wrong.

I quite like him

I know that I use ellipsis a lot, no need to point it out

Why we love ‘em
Niece #1 put on a little weight, her mother told her, it’s no big deal, perhaps a small change in diet and a bit more exercise..
“No mum, I think I have got Fat C**t syndrome “

Anger
If I ever find the man who sexually abused niece #2 when she was a girl I will cut his dick off , make him eat it then stab him in the eye.

I see that we seem to have a few Anarcho capitalists infesting the place again, good news we can all do with a giggle at the moment

I revisited Sade’s performance at Live aid(Posted in the music thread) a couple of observations.
1 She is so, so beautiful.
2.Her voice is even better
3. Her use of body language is delicate and perfect.

Lindsey part 2
As part of her job she has to go to San Francisco quite often. Her hotel was close to her place of work so she would walk into work.
There was a stall selling perfume and trinkets on the route and she would chat with the man running it while she bought something. He invited her out to dinner.

“I slept with him, he is two years younger than my youngest son!”

Good for her I say

I really don’t know why I am so defensive of niece #2, the little ***** introduced me to the Dogspotting society, I thought that it would be a nice way to occupy the time, looking at pictures of dogs, but it turns out that most of the posts are of dogs the have just died or are going to be put to sleep. Less fun than you would think.

Andrea is a small exception to my army of tiny women, being extremely tall. We went out for lunch outside just before her wedding, she defended me by grabbing wasps with her bare hands.

Just when you think you have got life sorted out (women, dogs, sex, love, food) you suddenly remember donkeys, and the hairy ****ers put the whole equation out of balance.

Bro #2 told me that he could fix the external stuff, but that I need to try and press the reset switch in my head because no one else can do that for me.

I think that in hold’em a set of queens is the worst hand that you can guarantee that you have the best hand on the river

Serbians who have served in the armed forces during one of the nastiest civil wars ever are very fond of tinned fish

If I had a choice of super powers I think that I would choose to have spam messages to be true
This would mean that
I have a full head of hair
A slim body
Ginormous generative organ
Be astonishingly rich
Given the above it’s plain to see why local MILFs would be so interested

Tried everyone’s patience in the LC thread so a couple of quick responses to posts.
I was quite surprised by Dominics response, I think that it is because I am not at all territorial , we share the same taste in music and humour so I was not expecting the snappy response.

I reacted badly to Steamraises post, I may be over sensitive but it seemed to me that he felt that he had been given permission to bully another human. This never ends well.

Remember my huge army of little violent women before criticising this post

Last one for the evening, who would you undergo gender reassignment and/or change of sexual orientation for just so that you can have a go on them?
In my case it would be anyone

The middle of Ireland is not the heartland of Vegetarianism, when Bernadette told them that she didn’t eat meat they took the full roast away, removed the meat and plonked the remainder back on her plate

Bit warm in England today
I once lost language through getting too warm. I had been playing cricket on a hot day. When my innings was over I went to the bar and said “Beer please”
“What sort, bitter, lager, IPA”
“Beer”
“We have several different types Sir, which would you like?”
“Beer”
“There are serval options could you make a choice”
“Beer”
“The options are clearly displayed so ...”
“Beer”
I got my beer

Bit Waltonesque, but I so miss looking at Jean and the dogs
in bed , giving Jean a kiss , and saying “Nighty night everyone” before we all fell asleep

Andrea part whatever
She did once say “Whatever “ in response to a question when we were in a meeting with senior management
When I butt dialled her at 2:00 am when she was on her honeymoon she kindly took the time to pick up the phone and reply
Coming up Julie, Gabby and the bandit

Warning do not read this if you are of a sensitive disposition, or any other disposition
Men have been known to try and avoid the tedium and terror of existence by inserting a teaspoon into their urethra. Not handle first, Spoony end first.

Know that I have posted this before, but if anyone is upset by the tone of some of my posts, remember that where I come from we speak to each other harshly and treat each other gently.

The bandit.
Named after the slot machine because of the accident that caused him to lose an arm.
All his bragging about how hard he is involved a group of other people ganging up on someone. Slight flaw there
He was so disliked at work that we weaponised Steve, after the bandit left we told Steve that he had called him an incompetent hacker. Given Steve’s size and violent nature this meant that he could never return.