My teachers recognised that I was a deep thinker when I was at an early age, at least I think that was what they meant when they suggested that I should consider a career digging ditches.
I have taken some enormous physical risks in my life, not out of bravery but because my mind has an overdeveloped “What could possibly go wrong?” function.
If you are considering descending into a nihilistic alcoholic oblivion, try watching a few videos of female pilots taking off large planes, if that doesn’t cheer you up then alcoholic oblivion is probably your best choice.
My experience with Samson would suggest that women like big hairy creatures who immediately jump on their chest and slobber all over them, but I think that for a male human being this approach will not be quite as successful.
“Don’t sweat the small stuff” is the worst advice that I have ever heard. Your sweat glands have evolved to express tiny droplets of water, if you try to sweat large stuff, such as basketballs, you will cause yourself severe harm.
“When you’re in love with a beautiful woman you watch your friends???”
Surely if you are in love with a beautiful woman you would watch her, what with her being beautiful and you being in love with her. But maybe you have particularly attractive friends.
Life tip
Try not to have severe mental health problems, people will say all the right things about understanding the difficulties that you are going though but will still shout at you to “get over it”
I have always been kind to the poor and suffering, and extremely unpleasant to obnoxious jerks, my behaviour in most aspects of life has nothing to commend it except this one
I had a very interesting conversation with a lady who was tasked with the difficult job of washing the bodies of the victims of the Belsen concentration camp in order to give them some dignity in death.
Being surrounded by a bunch of Jewish blokes having a violent argument in Hebrew before one of them turns around to you and says in perfect English “sorry about that , minor technical disagreement” reminds me that I am not anti Semitic,
I really should not have to remind people about this, but here goes. That heavy lump of stuff that you carry around in your head is meant to be used for thinking with, not being stupid.
Apparently niece #2 burst into tears when she was informed of the current precarious state of my mental health , this is probably due to her being a exceptionaly nice person , or maybe because I bunged her a few hundred quid on the occasion of her 21st birthday
If you use those things that are attached to the side of your head you will quickly understand that the police are not a great band, more like sexually manipulative bastards
