I think that everyone has now worked out that human beings brains cannot continue to work properly without interaction with others.

An example of a brain that never functioned properly in the first place is Tony. He got home from working away for a couple of weeks. He decided to surprise his wife by sneaking up to the house , stripping naked in the hallway and running into the living room shouting “Ta- dah”. Of course his aunt and uncle were there.

Do not put too much pressure on other people to succeed.
A boy at school immolated himself on the cricket pitch because he felt that he had let his parents down when his results went down from A+ to A-

Last one for a bit.
Brother number 1 told me “I find some of the things that Izzy tells me about her life disturbing “
“What do you expect when you tell your 18 year old daughter to be open and honest with you?”

Coming up:
“Tales from the club” featuring:
An unsuccessful attempt to reassure a man by saying “Nobody is laughing at you “ whose wife had exposed her genitalia to everyone, and then bitten his ear
The sisters , two middle aged women who dressed up identically and referred to the same man as “The husband “
JJs attempt to become the worst bingo caller in history. Added falling of the stage spices this one up

Going to get in trouble again. On Nevski Prospect in St Petersburg there is a bridge that features a statue of a naked man riding a prancing horse on each of its four corners. If you can do mathematics you should be able to work out why the local people call it the “Sixteen balls” bridge.

Last one for the evening. Susan’s next door neighbour knocked on the door and said “I believe that you are pregnant “ “Yes” “I don’t know what my husband will say about this, he works nights you know “

I have woken up in the middle of the night so a couple of thoughts about Canada

The reason that people ridicule Canadians is that they are descended from folk who thought that it was a good idea to settle somewhere that descends into a frozen wasteland for six months of the year.

Staff at Toronto airport are not very good at customer service, ignoring someone having a heart attack being a good example.

Definition of a tumbleweed moment
You are talking with your mum and mention that a woman at work was discharged from hospital less than 12 hours after pushing out a baby and that you think that this was a little too soon.
She agreed saying “Yes, it takes at least two days before everything gets back into place”
After a moment’s stunned silence “uh .. have you seen that new series on BBC2?”

Judy
After I had been home for a few weeks I eventually returned to work in Modesto. I met Judy in the corridor at our place of work. We acknowledged each other with a slight tilt of the head. After she had a couple of seconds to think about it I was encumbered with one of the finest pieces of Texan womanhood the world has ever seen.
This stuff is all due to my habitual kindness

I don’t seem to give a flyin’
Walking around a ghetto(ish) area of St Petersburg. The inhabitants had the unusual habit of randomly throwing bricks into the street from high places. I remember that the only thing that I was thinking was “Remember, the turn for the market is two blocks down, you can get a lovely piece of cold sausage there”

Coming up “Russian vs Californian prostitutes .. a theoretical approach to the problem”

Since I have been a little maudlin lately I will liven things up by explaining my dislike of Barry
He tried to take the credit for months of my hard work while he had done nothing, he tried to achieve the this by crawling up the bosses ass and lying.

During a flu epidemic he had a “No beer” panic. This was caused by the hotel manager telling him that due to staff shortages service would be ending at 9:00 pm. He ordered several dozen pints of Stella. The cleaning lady told me that she found many half drank glasses of beer around his room, including on top of the lavatory cistern.

He once tried to book 25 hours in one day.

His attempt to convince that he had started work at 6:00 was undermined by nobody believing that an hugely obese man could scale a 12’ high set of locked gates.

He is left handed. During the Xmas break I went into work and solved a problem that he should have been able to solve for himself. When he got back into work he noticed that the mouse was on the right hand side of the computer. He picked it up threw it to the floor and said “Right handed bastards”

Also Known as “Two chickens” because he would go to the supermarket and get two rotisserie chickens and eat them both for lunch.
Fell asleep during a test with customers
The process control world is tiny, two degrees of separation the greatest you could achieve,
The good thing about Baz is that if you find someone who knows him you can start insulting him straight away because you knew that no one who had met him would like him.

Coming up next “Lawrence “ , nice man, used to sell illegal drugs to children.

Yes, I have been intimate with a heavily pregnant woman who was impregnated by another man. She rated my bedroom performance as “Adequate, bordering on Inadequate “ She did say that the cup of tea I made for her afterwards was orgasmic

The reaction to the death of Princess Diana was a bit excessive.
The hotel that I was staying in at the time held a reunion for RAF personnel. One woman that I spoke to had the job of cleaning the corpses of the inmates of the Belsen concentration camp to give them some dignity before they were buried. This put the sad death of a young woman into perspective for me.

“Truth is Beauty and Beauty Truth” according to Keats.
If you have the choice take Beauty, it’s better looking for one thing.

If a woman ever says “Well, I like that one, but it’s a bit expensive” save some time by buying it immediately.

Susan has one of the thickest Cockney accents in history. I could not stop laughing after she told me “There is a picture of Bernadette's ‘arse in the parish magazine “*
Usual stuff, one of her brothers is a cop, the other has been convicted of armed robbery, guess which one is the bastard?
Her sister’s boyfriend ran a taxi firm. He tried to charge her for the trip to hospital so that she could have his baby delivered.

best idea for a thread I ever had

The Lindsey affair in two parts.

1. When I was 19 my brother and future sister in law tried to set me up with her. At the time we were both painfully shy and nothing became of it. She since became a very successful businesswoman and married a selfish, lazy, waster who would pressurise her into working in situations that she was not comfortable with just so her income could subside his golf habit. Maybe we both missed out on a chance there?

1.1 Her son is a charming drug dealer

Part 2 to follow. Also “Sex maniacs of the Caribbean” , “Did she really have a piss in there?” and how to avoid mentioning that her husband has had a stroke when his wife calls you up.

Couple of quick thoughts on Israel

The reason that it is called a “cycle” of violence is that both sides have committed unforgivable acts on the other. This then causes another unforgivable act in retaliation, and so the whole ****ing mess continues

I went to the birthday party for the son of an Arab guy who belonged to the Kibbutz. The next day we went out early to have breakfast in Acre. He told me that the reason Acre was one of the only scenic towns left in the country was because “We have spent the last 2000 years kicking the **** out of each other”
Additional information:
British and Israeli attitudes to parking in an empty lot are very different.
Inadvisable to allow smoking in a warehouse full of cardboard.
“Shabbat” hotels, Information on lift usage
Coming up: Kibbutz children used to share a common shower until the age of 18.My thoughts on the likelihood of finding somewhere to hang your hat up

and Sting

One of the worst jokes in history involves Sting.
“So, he can make love for hours without going off? I understand, my missus is no oil painting as well “

Retaining ones chi.

Calmness under pressure.
“Roy I think you need to turn the car around “
“Why are we on the wrong way to work?”
“Well, there is that, but the fact that we are currently driving the wrong way into three lanes of traffic is more important at the moment “

Adien and his wife both had jobs involving a lot of travel, so they didn’t have a lot of time to spend together. When they eventually found a little time to be together they realised that they didn’t like each other and got divorced.