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Old 09-13-2020, 06:38 PM   #276
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

eBay is a strange place.

1. It contains neutral smoking related feedback, which then vanishes but is replaced by completely different neutral smoking related feedback.

2. A purchaser has asked if he can delay payment because he has had to pay to have his mother’s dentures replaced. Naturally, being English his request started “I an frightfully sorry but can I defer payment because...”
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Old 09-15-2020, 12:19 PM   #277
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

More eBay

I was intrigued as to why a lady wanted me to urgently expedite the delivery of an inexpensive pair of walking trousers (Black, waterproof, short leg (27”), decent brand, a bargain at 12). She went so far as to offer to pay for special delivery.

My mind began to race.

What could this mean? What emergency could have provoked such an urgent requirement for value for money legwear?

I considered the following options:-

A sudden uncontrollable erotic impulse.

The aftermath of a severe bout of incontinence.

Maybe these precise garments were required as part of a complex and meticulously planned heist?

Eventually I settled on the obvious conclusion that they were needed because the ladies little legs were cold...

..but I was not satisfied. I revisited the original communication. I did not even need to read the body of the text in order to realise that I had been a fool, my wild imaginings way wide of the mark. You see, the Woman’s first name was Hannah, she had obviously forgotten to order a present for one of her sister’s birthdays.
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Old 09-15-2020, 12:28 PM   #278
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

If I could travel in time and give my younger self some advice it would mean that I was hell good at physics.
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Old 09-15-2020, 04:35 PM   #279
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

Many people think that “Fifty ways to leave your lover” only lists five ways. I would argue that the actual number is even lower, consider the evidence:-

You just slip out the back, Jack - yep

Make a new plan, Stan - nope, this conflates the preparation and implementation phases

You don't need to be coy, Roy - nope, reducing shyness may be necessary but it is not sufficient.

Hop on the bus, Gus - fine

Just drop off the key, Lee - questionable at best.

Next up - “Knock on wood” is it responsible for the epidemic of knuckle disease in the elderly?
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Old 09-15-2020, 05:14 PM   #280
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

Help on 70’s New Wave acts.

If you are struggling to remember which of “Joy Division” and “New Order” came first, the latter of the two bands has the word “New” in its name.

Johnny Rotten sometimes calls himself John Lydon.

The main centres of “Punk Rock” were New York and the UK.

If you can remember the name of Talking Heads first album but can’t remember the year it was released you are beyond my help, consult a qualified physician immediately.
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Old 09-15-2020, 05:30 PM   #281
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

A study has been released classifying how difficult other languages are to learn for a native English speaker. Welsh is listed as unclassified, this is because it is impossible to categorise the ability to gargle bricks. Some great singers though.
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Old 09-15-2020, 06:01 PM   #282
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

I think that I may have a future in the sickening “Inspirational” Poster industry.
“Hardening your heart is worse for you than hardening your arteries”

Distrust black and white photography, the technology to produce coloured images has existed for over a century, people who make black and white images are trying to deceive you. See perfume ads for the most obvious examples.
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Old 09-16-2020, 04:15 AM   #283
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

I was looking up some lyrics. As many lyrics do it contained the word “Heart”. As usual google popped up a list of similar searches. One of them was “Sudden stabbing pains in the chest, is it a heart attack?”. Some advice here, if you get sudden stabbing pains in the chest Googling your symptoms to see if you are suffering a potentially fatal medical crisis is not an optimal use of your time.
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Old 09-16-2020, 04:39 PM   #284
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

Holding up the palm of your hand towards an irate person not only informs them that you wish for them to stop speaking, it also converts a mildly annoyed person into a molten ball of rage.
This is the most fun that you can have using only the palm of your hand. I think.
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Old 09-16-2020, 06:25 PM   #285
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

Avatars from the LC thread.

Zeno - Black and white picture. Subject looks like the artistic type of fellow.

Shiltz - Duck with bad hair.

Phat Mack - lady playing a racquet game, almost certainly tennis. Due to the current situation she is wearing a mask.

DaveT - Anime character with long hair.

Dominc - Bloke looking pleased with himself.

Red eye - Man staring, cannot tell if his beard is neatly trimmed or not.

John Cole - Groucho Marx dancing in an amusing manner.

R*R - Green monster. Not sure if origin is alien, child’s cartoon, or mythological.

Shuffle - Anime character with shorter hair than DaveT’s. Hair is blowing around a bit.

Diebitter - Michael Cain holding a sawn off shotgun. Phallic undertones.

lastcardcharlie -Black and white picture of tall buildings. Pic could do with a bit more contrast.

Kioshk - black and white photograph of Richard Nixon. Photograph makes it look like Nixon had pointy ears. A combination of the position of Nixon’s head(he is looking to his left) and the angle the picture was taken from has created an asymmetry in the image of his tie, shirt and jacket.
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Old 09-16-2020, 07:15 PM   #286
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

For the sake of argument, tell someone that they are an obnoxious little prick.
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Old Yesterday, 06:03 AM   #287
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

I have just brushed my teeth while thinking about a young woman holding a banana.
Very odd.
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Old Yesterday, 04:52 PM   #288
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Re: Rebels Ruminations

I have tried “putting my money where your mouth is “, got stuck between my teeth.
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