Lessons in sadness part 1
We were gathering to form a small party to inter the remains of a young man who had committed suicide.
His family are notoriously adverse to formal clothing, so I did not think to wear a necktie.
His father came down the stairs wearing a tie. I instinctively moved my hand to cover the area where my tie should have been.
“It’s OK Pat, there’s no dress code”
Gary went to the bank ask for a small loan. When he was asked what it was for he said “A few things, but mainly so I can buy a Sgt Bilko T-shirt”. The reply was “Fine, this is my last day working here, so I don’t care what it’s for.”
Tunnel of love is one of the best albums ever made, contemplating the delicate interactions between people in love. It is based on Bruce dumping his wife so that he can shack up with his backing singer.
I do seem to have some friends.
When I was released from hospital, after the usual severe tonsillitis, Tim phoned up and said “Where are you? I am coming round with a bunch of grapes and a girlie magazine “
Derry girls is the second best comedy that Irish TV has produced.
My favourite quote is when the girls may be prevented from attending a Take That concert by a roving polar bear.
“Come on girls, there will other concerts”
“No there won’t, it is a miracle that this one happened, no one half decent comes around here because we go around killing each other all the time “
Rode a bicycle with no brakes down a steep hill(Mow Cop if you feel the need to check up)
One of the charms of the journey was the fact that that near the end was a train crossing point.The delight of the trip was undermined by a train actually crossing at the point where it seemed that I would be unable to stop before a collision occurred.
Somehow I managed to stop.
The look of relief on the faces of my friends after they saw me after the train had passed helps me to cope with minor insults on the internet
One of the greatest problems with depression is that you become overwhelmed by your own thoughts. You need to find a way to express them to another human. Since this is currently difficult in real life I chose to use this forum. I apologise.
I am not sure if my brother made this quote up or copied it.
“The problem with casting is that handsome men are ten a penny, finding a handsome man who can act is a different matter “
I don’t think that I have wasted my life. When I was walking towards the control room of a pre-biotic facility I passed a stack of cardboard packaging (Smuffet Kapa) I have worked there. Shrink wrap (Sealed air) I have worked there. Cleaning chemicals (Ecolab) I have worked there. There is a quote from someone who’s name has slipped my mind “Engineering is the difference between having a “standard of living” and a struggle for existence “
I think that there must be a technical term for inserting a profanity into the middle of a word or sentence to provide emphasis.
Best example I can come up with is a woman that I know who is tall, and grew tall early in life. She told me “Not only did it mean that I had to stand on the extreme right of all class photos, it also meant that I always had to play the role of the archangel ****ing Gabriel in the school nativity “
Maintaining your army of potentially violent women.
1. Love them , If you try to fake this they will sniff it out like a dog sniffing out rabbit ****.
2. Flatter them or...
3. Insult them in a lighthearted way or...
4. Discuss dogs, they are programmed to not be able to resist this.
One of the reasons that I have been isolated in this cold and lonely thread is that people have become increasingly irritable, for obvious reasons. I am as guilty of this as anyone , I just got extremely angry because someone described ABBA as “Cheesy Pop” , “What part of “perfectly crafted popular music “don’t you understand?”
This may get me in trouble again.
The first night I spent in St Petersburg I was in a bar where a woman who was wearing nothing but her panties was prancing about on the bar top. My only thought was “ I wish she would stop doing that, she’ll have my pint over in a minute “
After a very relaxing new year’s party at my brothers house Jean and myself fell asleep on the couch. Imagine our joy to be awoken at 7 am by the two pieces of human vermin(daughters?) that he allows about the house. Somehow I have come to love them.
Great musicians gravitate towards each other like flies around excrement. The one exception is Stevie Wonder, all the others avoid him because he makes them feel inadequate.
