Rebels Ruminations - Page 45 - The Lounge Discussion and Review on Literature, Arts, Culture

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03-02-2022 , 11:03 PM

#1101

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

On a cheerier note at the age of 45 I did have a young woman urgently sit on my money. This is not a euphemism.

Quote

03-03-2022 , 02:21 AM

#1102

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

It is sometimes a good idea to set yourself a stupid goal.

I once decided that for two weeks in Denmark I would have steak for dinner every night.

Quote

03-03-2022 , 11:49 PM

#1103

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

I do have an important thought to communicate, but I have forgotten what it is.

Possibly something about amnesia?

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03-04-2022 , 04:41 PM

#1104

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

If no one asks me to start an AMA on process control I will start one anyway, beginning with the subject of PID control, which is so boring that any responsible adult would kill their children just to prevent them from having to listen to the interminable nonsense.
OK
The proportional term is the main driver..

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03-05-2022 , 03:00 PM

#1105

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

Rats
1. Brother #2 told the facilities manager at one plant that there were rats rummaging around the waste disposal.
“Are you sure that they were rats?”
“Yes, they are pretty easy to identify “

2. Niece #2 saw a rat in her college accommodation, when she told the manager he said “well, we do have mice “
“Then you’ve got mice and rats then”

Quote

03-07-2022 , 04:42 PM

#1106

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

Sometimes you need a reality check.
As niece# 2 is radical communist/feminist

l asked my brother “What is she doing selling trinkets to the bourgeoise?”

“She is trying to undermine the system from the inside “

Quote

03-08-2022 , 02:11 AM

#1107

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

Sunita

1.She was the young lady who I helped to shelter from being murdered. As far as I can see this mainly involves popping out occasionally to buy cigarettes and food.

2.When she was working on the Isle of Man her boss became so enamoured of her that he bought her a £10000 car for her birthday .

3. She did mention that one of the reasons that she took a job as a bartender was because she hoped that pulling the pumps would increase the size of her boobies.

Quote

03-08-2022 , 11:20 AM

#1108

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

One salesman who visited work had such a bad ginger toupee that I whispered to the receptionist “Nobody told me that it was bring your cat to work day”

Quote

03-10-2022 , 02:20 PM

#1109

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

Correct me if I’m wrong here, but if you shoot a fish in a barrel, the first shot would penetrate the barrel, causing the water to run out and all the other fish to die?

Quote

03-11-2022 , 01:00 AM

#1110

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

Life tip

If you wish to think yourself a crossword genius, just do the Monday ones, they are made deliberately easier so as to ease people back into them after the weekend.

For those who don’t know The Sun was famous for showing pictures of young women exposing their bosoms on page 3.

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03-11-2022 , 01:27 AM

#1111

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

One of my bosses had a thirteen letter Greek/Cypriot name.

After checking into many hotels with him I suggested that he should just change it to “I’ll write it down for you “

Quote

03-11-2022 , 05:36 PM

#1112

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

Northern Camp

A lot of this sense of humour is based on exaggerated under or over statement.

Example 1

“Seems like there’s going to be a nuclear war soon”

“Best get the washing in then “

Example 2

“They didn’t have any salt and vinegar flavour crisps in so I got cheese and onion instead”

“That’s ok, I’ve already got the cyanide capsule under my tongue”

Quote

03-13-2022 , 10:40 AM

#1113

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

When my alcohol counsellor said “It’s a marathon, not a sprint “ I couldn’t help thinking that Usain Bolt’s form improved when his coach told him “It’s a sprint, not a marathon “

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03-14-2022 , 06:22 AM

#1114

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

I know that I shouldn’t take the mick out of Samson, but he is hardly Einstein on four legs.

He has been known to hear a dog barking at the back of the house, realise that he can’t see anything from the back door, so he goes to the front window,looks out and becomes extremely puzzled when he can’t see a dog.

Quote

03-14-2022 , 03:04 PM

#1115

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

Process control II

High water mark alarm

Many over complex systems have been made to ensure that the product is actually moving to its intended destination, but the solution is really simple.

1. Record level.
2. Start timer.
3. If level exceeds start level go to step 1.
4. If timer expires, halt and raise alarm.

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03-14-2022 , 03:20 PM

#1116

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

This did happen.

I phoned up IT support to tell them that my email wasn’t working, they said
“You need to click on this link that I’ve just emailed to you”.

Mmm, can’t see any problems with that.

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03-15-2022 , 03:42 PM

#1117

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

I have spent most of my working life trying to persuade large , implacable lumps of stainless steel to do what is required of them.
Dominic may be the hardest task that I have ever had.

Last edited by notrebelatall; 03-15-2022 at 03:44 PM. Reason: Stainless steel has an IQ of nearly zero, unlike Dominic

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03-15-2022 , 05:18 PM

#1118

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

Parenthood in Congleton.

When I was walking to the local store I saw a mother talking with her three year old daughter outside their house:-

“You may think that it is funny running off without telling me, but if you do it again I will give you a good crack “

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03-16-2022 , 05:41 PM

#1119

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

After breaking into the pantry and eating an awful lot of dog food Samson is suffering from diarrhoea and extreme flatulence. Just thought that you should know.

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03-17-2022 , 12:40 AM

#1120

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

The best examples of northern camp probably come from Allen Bennett.
“Hairdressing? I meant astrophysics “

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03-17-2022 , 02:16 PM

#1121

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

Talking with my brother when he was making dinner, he said
“I’ll have to get off now, I’m just getting my spuds out”
I replied “bloody hell, I hope Dianne is prepared “

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03-17-2022 , 03:44 PM

#1122

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

People from Stoke on Trent are often called “Clayheads”.

There are two reasons for this.

1. The entire city is built on clay, hence it’s importance in the pottery industry.

2. No one with brains made of anything else would choose to live there.

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03-18-2022 , 05:22 AM

#1123

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

Love and don’t learn.

When out for a meal with a customer he said “The last time I ate oysters I had a severe allergic reaction and came out in hives and had severe diarrhoea”.

So he ordered the oysters, ate them, had a severe allergic reaction and came out in hives, and had severe diarrhoea.

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03-19-2022 , 02:45 PM

#1124

notrebelatall

banned

Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 485

The reason that VR has been hyped for well over a decade but never taken off is that every article hyping the “Latest and greatest “ version of the tech has a picture of someone wearing the headset and looking a complete nob.

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