Two Plus Two Publishing LLC Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
 

Go Back   Two Plus Two Poker Forums > >

The Lounge: Discussion+Review For discussion and debate about arts, movies+TV, music, reading+literature, style, fashion, history, culture and many more subjects

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-03-2015, 12:36 AM   #126
_at
newbie
 
_at's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 36
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Thanks for sharing and best of luck.
_at is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2015, 12:19 PM   #127
Chippa58
veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,259
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

I don't know, but I think its quite possible that your friends are not surprised by your revelation. If you've told them, that's fine, but don't expect a shocked reaction from them. They know you, like you and accept you...and at the end of the day, that's really all that matters. If you have to talk about it, I think it may be better that you discuss this with us. With your friends, just do the things friends do.
Chippa58 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2015, 07:24 PM   #128
LektorAJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
LektorAJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: none
Posts: 7,755
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

How's it going? Are you teaching in Spain again this academic year?

I'm not as much of a sharer as you but anyway this thread helped me a lot.
LektorAJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2015, 08:18 AM   #129
SuperUberBob
Not interesting enough
 
SuperUberBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 48,295
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Yeah I am.

Socially, it's ****ty. To fit in, I'm basically expected to completely change every aspect about my personality. Spain is a country of extroverts and anybody who doesn't go out nights to party is looked down upon. I have many nerdy hobbies that have their groups in America, but none in Spain. Hell even PC and console video games are frowned down upon by people because it is viewed as an indoor activity for loners. It's just really hard to have a fulfilling social life when nobody around you shares your passions.

Professionally, it's better. I have more hours than before and have a higher hourly rate at my new job. It's also closer to where I live (no taking a tram + metro to get to/from work) and none of my students are under 11 years old. Always good news to me.

That said, my time at Spain is nearing the end. I figure that I'll be gone before the next school year or the one after that.

Last edited by SuperUberBob; 09-18-2015 at 08:31 AM.
SuperUberBob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2015, 06:42 PM   #130
LektorAJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
LektorAJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: none
Posts: 7,755
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

In TEFL a year is a long time, people move around a lot

Good not to be doing the kids anymore. When you don't teach stuff that stresses you, you can do the rest better and at higher volume.

On facebook I saw a share of autism friendly cinema showings in London with lower volume and higher lighting and a more tolerant environment. Does that make sense when every case is unique? Or are they just expecting to get a particular segment of people with this?
LektorAJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2015, 07:13 PM   #131
SuperUberBob
Not interesting enough
 
SuperUberBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 48,295
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Quote:
Originally Posted by LektorAJ View Post
On facebook I saw a share of autism friendly cinema showings in London with lower volume and higher lighting and a more tolerant environment. Does that make sense when every case is unique? Or are they just expecting to get a particular segment of people with this?
Hmmmm...this is a good question.

Seems that the decisions made are based on symptoms that are stereotypical of autistic people. I suppose the profit motive is more indirect. I guess they figure if they have these types of showings, they'll stand out among the other theaters that don't have this. Perhaps people will see them empathetic and go to their theater over others.

I think it's a nice thing to do as it will make the movie experience more enjoyable for some autistic people. Personally, I only had problems in theaters if I was sitting with strangers directly to my left or right. I needed at least a one seat gap between myself and any strangers to feel comfortable. So when I go to movies, I don't go on the first week a movie is out and I'll go during an afternoon matinee if I have the time since there'll be less people there.
SuperUberBob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2015, 07:24 PM   #132
SuperUberBob
Not interesting enough
 
SuperUberBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 48,295
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

I got invited to a birthday party by a fairly distant acquaintance. Last time, I rejected it because I had prior plans for dinner and going to a dance club to spend time with a ****ton of people I don't know is more of a nightmare than a night out.

As of late, I've been pretty isolated. Part of it is the result of my new job. I have way more work and it lasts into the night which makes socializing even harder for me than it already is. So although I wasn't all buddy-buddy with this girl (or really anybody else in Spain), I decided to wing it. After all, the people are from a language exchange that I used to frequent but no longer do as a result of the aforementioned work.

I get there and it's packed. There are about 30 people in our group and I know 2 of them including the birthday girl. I already sense that this is not going to be good.

We get seated at this enormous table next to two other enormous tables with incredibly loud people at them. With all of the crosstalk and noise (Spanish restaurants are notoriously loud), it is already tough for me to handle but I force myself to stay. When the menu comes, I see that it's set up so you have to order in conjunction with another person (the portions are designed for two people). Everybody is able to buddy up with their friend pretty quickly.

Except for me.

Yup, there was an odd number and I was alone. Despite having already paid for my food, I did contemplate leaving as I wasn't going to sit at a birthday party eating by myself while everybody else talks to each other. If I had to sacrifice 10 Euros then so be it. After setting aside my depression regarding this development, I finally decided to ask the birthday girl for some help since she's the only one that I know there. After some work, I am able to find somebody to order with and I do.

The drinks come out and it's all sangria and beer. To many, this is good. To an autistic epileptic who teetotals for multiple reasons, this is not. Before I can get the waiter's attention and get water or Coca-Cola, somebody gives me a cup of beer and says cheers. I suppose one can't hurt.

Of course that one becomes two and three pretty quick and I see where this is going. In the meantime, conversation attempts by both myself and the other person fail to stimulate interest. They try to talk a bit of English and I speak my broken Spanish but in the end it's just easier for the Spanish people there to be with the Spanish friends they've had since they were kids. I understand what they're saying but I have no frame of reference to enter the conversation myself. So, I spent most of the time just listening.

I wisely cut the drinking and am able to get some water. Food is done and I decide to leave. It's midnight and I'm bordering on drunkenness which is not a good sign.

I've been trying to indulge a bit more in my hobbies. There's a comic book store that has Magic: The Gathering tournaments. I go to their booster drafts but the cards are all in Spanish. I can mostly understand them but it's hard to find combos that work well without fully understanding the cards. Again, I make efforts there to speak Spanish and be friendly but again it seems that they have their group and are friends with each other. I am once again viewed as an outsider and can't really befriend anybody.

Pub trivia resumes Sunday night (it stops over the summer). None of my colleagues at work seem to be interested in going given that I worked up the courage to ask them and they said no. So, I have to go in there solo and find a team that is willing to take me.

I should note that Spanish people are not unfriendly people. It's just that my personality is basically the opposite of the typical Spanish personality. Your typical Spanish person is loud, talkative, extroverted, and affectionate. That's what attracts people in Spain. I am quiet, reticent, introverted, and shy. This makes me come off as unfriendly towards others and I really can't explain to them why I am the way I am. So, it's just a major disconnect that probably won't go away any time soon.
SuperUberBob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2015, 07:41 PM   #133
A-Rod's Cousin
banned
 
A-Rod's Cousin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Michelle Wie=the next Michelle Wie.
Posts: 37,168
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperUberBob View Post
Your typical Spanish person is loud, talkative, extroverted, and affectionate.
This sounds terrible unless you are a vapid alcoholic.

I heard Japan is much more understated and introverted.
A-Rod's Cousin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2015, 09:15 AM   #134
SuperUberBob
Not interesting enough
 
SuperUberBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 48,295
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Keep in mind that we're talking loud relative to what I consider loud. I would say that the loudness was more a function of the number of people in such a small room rather than anything else. Didn't seem like anybody was attempting to scream or anything like that.
SuperUberBob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2015, 12:47 AM   #135
Shuffle
plotting my return
 
Shuffle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 13,916
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Bob, I can't say that I identify with your austism, but I would call myself an ambivert. I'm perfectly comfortable and engaging in social situations with other people, but partly because of nature and partly because of the way my life has played out, I prefer to keep to myself. In that respect I'm an introvert. Making acquaintances is easy; making close friends is difficult.

Even though I value and even need my space and solitude, we introverts will always struggle with loneliness, boredom, general work fatigue, and the like. But I really do think the answer -- at least for me -- has been to direct all of my energy towards work. Try to accomplish things. If your job doesn't excite you, then find a hobby, some other interest that does.

And then go out there and ****ing crush at it. Be the ****ing man at something, and people will seek to hold your company and interest, not the other way around.
(just don't get a big head if you do)

Thanks for sharing, takes courage man. Good luck.
Shuffle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2015, 03:20 AM   #136
A-Rod's Cousin
banned
 
A-Rod's Cousin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Michelle Wie=the next Michelle Wie.
Posts: 37,168
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shuffle View Post
we introverts will always struggle with loneliness, boredom, general work fatigue, and the like.
What the hell are you talking about? This isn't true at all.
A-Rod's Cousin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2015, 04:10 AM   #137
Shuffle
plotting my return
 
Shuffle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 13,916
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Quote:
Originally Posted by A-Rod's Cousin View Post
What the hell are you talking about? This isn't true at all.
Well, it's true with me at least. I enjoy and absolutely must have my space and solitude, but only up to a point. Then there is always that soul searching for more meaningful relationships. Not in a going to a restaurant or club with 30 people kind of way; I mean in finding love, or hanging out with one or two good friends kind of way.
Shuffle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2015, 06:43 PM   #138
LektorAJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
LektorAJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: none
Posts: 7,755
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

I think the introvert/extrovert thing is such a gross oversimplification of how things really are that we shouldn't use the words at all.
LektorAJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2015, 06:46 PM   #139
SuperUberBob
Not interesting enough
 
SuperUberBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 48,295
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Quote:
Originally Posted by LektorAJ View Post
I think the introvert/extrovert thing is such a gross oversimplification of how things really are that we shouldn't use the words at all.
At least not in a psychological context.

I mean as descriptive adjectives they're perfectly fine to use.
SuperUberBob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2015, 07:01 PM   #140
A-Rod's Cousin
banned
 
A-Rod's Cousin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Michelle Wie=the next Michelle Wie.
Posts: 37,168
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Quote:
Originally Posted by LektorAJ View Post
I think the introvert/extrovert thing is such a gross oversimplification of how things really are that we shouldn't use the words at all.
The best way to think about it is introverts "recharge" away from people or groups. Being around people is a bit draining. Extraverts recharge (from being solitary) by thrusting themselves into a group of people.

It does not mean Introverts hate people, can't go to parties, or any other weird trait that Extraverts like to paint us with. And the more introverted you are does not mean the more socially awkward you are. I'm more confident and honestly more socially refined (scary) than some of my friends, yet I score higher on the introvert scale. It could be that I'm larger than them physically so maybe more confident. My dad is an introverted salesman. He has no problem joining a group (whether for his job or not) and exerting or imposing himself verbally. He's coached many sports teams, he's run a CYA, and he was once president of his frat. He's very funny. But for as long as I can remember, he comes home from work and sits with the family watching TV or reading, doing a crossword, etc. Doesn't call people and doesn't care to have friends. He's comfortable. Hes intelligent so most people probably bore him anyway. I think he enjoys his own deep thoughts. My wife even said he seems like such an Extravert but he's just not. He's quite private, and filters most of his thoughts, which are other general aspects of introversion. My 3 siblings are Extraverts but me and both my parents are introverts.

I disagree with what shuffle said about introverts. Honestly, his statement is more relatable to extraverts.

I don't think extraverts understand introverts. I read somewhere that if an E sees an I reading a book alone during lunch, they might come up and start talking to them bc they need to save them from their boredom. Lol. That's likely the exact opposite of what that reader wants at that moment.

Last edited by A-Rod's Cousin; 10-05-2015 at 07:10 PM.
A-Rod's Cousin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2015, 10:36 PM   #141
SuperUberBob
Not interesting enough
 
SuperUberBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 48,295
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Stories like these that bother me greatly.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/12/op...tistic Shooter

Quote:
The killer’s “diagnosis” was based primarily on posts on Yahoo made over the last decade by his mother, Laurel Harper, in which she characterized both herself and her son as having Asperger’s syndrome — a category no longer in medical use that describes autistic people with advanced verbal skills.
I know you guys know better, but people who have mental health issues are more likely to be victims of crime than criminals themselves. The last thing needed is more ignorance regarding mental health. Unfortunately, that's what seems to arise every time somebody goes on a shooting spree.

--------------------------------------------

Anyway, I went to a language exchange program at a pub. It's one of the few social activities I go. It's easier to deal with because they have an outdoor section which is easier for me to handle because the lighting is mostly natural and there's less noise pollution to deal with. The fact that the environment is structured and organized is also highly beneficial. There's more predictability and less chance for a negative outcome.

About an hour in, a group of people sat at a table in front of mine. One of them clearly had a case of severe autism. I was very pleased to see that she had a group of friends that knew how to take care of her and make sure she had a good time. I don't know if they were people trained to handle people with an ASD or just friends of her (or both). Goes to show that the millennial generation is more understanding and tolerant of mental illness. I hope that trend continues with future generations.
SuperUberBob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2015, 03:39 PM   #142
SuperUberBob
Not interesting enough
 
SuperUberBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 48,295
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

I decided to take a risk (by my standards) and go to a festival in my neighborhood. I was invited by a friend and given that I had nothing planned and hadn't seen this person in a long time, I had no reason to reject his offer.

I went there and it started with some solo musician playing in a plaza. The music was pretty awful and warranted nothing more than golf claps from people willing to listen. I was bored and lonely (my friend was doing photography for a magazine there). So, I decided to head home while he was planning to go to another place.

I felt bad leaving after just an hour there and wanted to give it another go. I messaged him and he was at a different plaza which was about a 5 minute walk from my apartment building. I basically just stood there alone while he mingled with the hundreds of people there. It was quite frustrating as he was the only person I knew there while he seemed to know basically everybody.

I felt as though I was dead weight. I could tell that he wanted to enjoy himself and felt that I was merely an impediment to his own enjoyment. As the crowd became larger and the music louder, I became increasingly anxious. I slipped through the crowd and found a place with some breathing room. Given that it was only 8 PM, the crowd has not yet reached its peak. I knew that I was not long for this place and left without telling anybody. I left a message later thanking him for the invite.

I have some mixed feelings. I appreciate his effort to get me out of my shell. At the same time, he knows that I suffer socially in these environments and made little to no effort to introduce me to the people he knew. As a matter of fact, he did not say much to me at all. Why invite me to a place and then go off to speak to everybody but me? Doesn't seem to be something a friend would do.

One could counter that it was my responsibility to have fun and that I chose to not enjoy myself. I would respond to that by saying that the vast majority of the people were Spanish speakers and my Spanish simply isn't good enough for anything beyond basic conversation. Toss that on top of being surrounded by a crowd of people I don't know speaking a language I don't fully understand and it was not a great social situation for me.

It is very possible that this is my last year in Spain. I've done everything possible to find my place here and I simply can't without self-medicating myself which is something I refuse to do. Between now and the end of the school year, I need to decide what to do next. I'm hoping to pursue a M.Ed and it may be time to go in that direction. If not that, then another country may be in order.
SuperUberBob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2015, 03:46 PM   #143
SuperUberBob
Not interesting enough
 
SuperUberBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 48,295
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

I found that I am using a new coping mechanism to block out any excessive noise.

Basically, I go into my own world and just zone out. I pretty much stare at nothing. The benefit is that it appears to reduce the effects of noise pollution on my mind. The glaring disadvantage is that I'm basically a statue. Kind of ridiculous to deal with a social environment by not socializing. Seems to be the opposite of what I would want to do in that scenario.

Now that I have more working hours and a higher hourly rate, seeing a psychologist regularly is a viable option. Maybe there is something that can be done.
SuperUberBob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2015, 06:25 PM   #144
Ace Acumen
banned
 
Ace Acumen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 1,491
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

mmj prescription
Ace Acumen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2015, 10:18 PM   #145
SuperUberBob
Not interesting enough
 
SuperUberBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 48,295
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

See location.

As for anxiety issues, I have been offered a prescription for Valium* in the past but declined it because I feel that it would serve as a crutch rather than reaching the root of the problem. I've had substance abuse problems in the past and I fear that its addictive properties could cause trouble for me. Seeing a psychologist is probably the way to go.

*Strangely enough, Valium was once used as an anticonvulsant which was in part why that was the chosen drug for my prescription. It would also help me sleep better at night. But I don't want to be committed to any more drugs than I already am.
SuperUberBob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2015, 09:48 PM   #146
SuperUberBob
Not interesting enough
 
SuperUberBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 48,295
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

One of the biggest problems I have with having autism is that I have difficulty expressing empathy.

When the attacks in Paris happened, my response was very different from everybody else's. It seems to me that people have some kind of emotional response with what happened in Paris even if they don't have any personal or physical connections with the country. The thing is that I don't. I simply just looked at it as a bad thing that happened in the world and moved on with my everyday life.

Intellectually, I know that what happened is a bad thing. Innocent people died due to the actions of a handful of psychopaths with exploding belts and automatic rifles. In that sense, I did feel bad. My morality is not the problem. But emotionally, there was nothing for me to express. I didn't shed any tears. It didn't sit in my mind and affect my work performance. I didn't glue myself to my smartphone and refresh my CNN app over and over again. To me, it was business as usual.

When people see the lack of emotional response from me, they view as me being unkind or uncaring. Even worse is when people connect an atypical showing of empathy with sociopathic behavior. To say the least, that paints a pretty poor picture of my actual personality. The truth is that I have to use my intellect as a means to show empathy because I have trouble instinctively showing it. It's a horrible substitute as rather than being able to intuitively respond what others feel, I end up analyzing it before forming a response.

Whereas neurotypical people read the news and went, "Oh, that's horrible. What a tragedy.", I thought that my connection to what happened in Paris is no different than the suicide bombings that ravage Africa and the Middle East everyday. Thus, I shouldn't show any more emotion towards that attack than I would to any other. So when people whose connection to the attacks was the same as mine changed their Facebook profile pictures to resemble the French flag as a way of showing support, the only reason I could come up with for doing that was that they were being shallow and disingenuous. They would only do that to show their friends how empathetic and caring they are. I called people out on that on my FB page and the backlash from those who have responded so far is pretty strong.

It made me realize that perhaps I am misunderstanding things. Maybe these people actually are showing empathy and genuinely do care and telling them that they're insincere based on my logic isn't the right thing to do. It's just annoying that the feelings I have are ones that if shared, are often offensive to people for reasons that don't make sense to me.
SuperUberBob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2015, 01:03 AM   #147
A-Rod's Cousin
banned
 
A-Rod's Cousin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Michelle Wie=the next Michelle Wie.
Posts: 37,168
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

No, you are basically right in your assessment. America does nothing but make fun of France as far as I can remember and now for some reason America acts pro-France.

Almost all people changing their image to a French flag on FB are disingenuous.

Your only error here is that you for some reason felt obliged to call them out for it. That is a losing battle. And thus a BIGTIME social no-no. All you can do is snicker at them in your head and wait a week until they change it back to a selfie at Starbucks.
A-Rod's Cousin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2015, 01:10 PM   #148
LektorAJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
LektorAJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: none
Posts: 7,755
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

I'm not sure it's about being neurotypical or autistic. Just less rational/aware people overestimate the importance of what they see on the news in the grand scheme of things. For example many people will not want to travel to Paris now, when any reasonable assessment of the safety of a particular country would be looking at things like road safety and violent crime way ahead of something like terrorism.

I wouldn't have called out people on FB about it. My rule on facebook is that if you think it's a good idea to post something then it usually isn't. Don't **** on your own doorstep, use 2p2 for that if you must
LektorAJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2015, 02:18 PM   #149
A-Rod's Cousin
banned
 
A-Rod's Cousin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Michelle Wie=the next Michelle Wie.
Posts: 37,168
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

As Norm said, we're way more likely to be attacked by our own heart than by a terrorist
A-Rod's Cousin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2015, 09:44 PM   #150
Abbaddabba
Pooh-Bah
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 5,770
Re: A psychologist diagnosed me as autistic recently

Nobody really cares - they just make frowny faces because it's socially unacceptable to act callous. Occasionally it's presented in a way that evokes legitimate emotions but the people who go above and beyond to express it outwardly are usually ****ty people that're trying to find a quick and easy way to be liked.
Abbaddabba is offline   Reply With Quote

Reply
      

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:43 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2008-2020, Two Plus Two Interactive