Your writing is concise and you come across as very intelligent. Is it easier to stay focused when writing, rather than talking?

It depends on the situation. If it's one-on-one talking in a quiet area, then I have no issues staying focused. If it is a crowded pub with music and TV on with many people talking at the same time in close vicinity, then I'll experience some kind of sensory overload and have to leave the area to get my senses back. The vast majority of sensory overloads are auditory but rapid flashing or moving lights will also cause some issues both with sensory overload and my epilepsy (the ASD and epilepsy are unrelated). Most of the time, I come back and reenter the busy pub but I do have to leave the place frequently if I choose to stay there due to the overload.

One of the benefits of writing is that I have time to proofread my posts for errors and even after I post something, I have 30 minutes to find some kind of grammatical mistake, a better word/phrase to describe something or unnecessary information to remove. That luxury doesn't exist in real-time conversation. I also live alone and barring some occasional light music, there aren't any interruptions when I am in my apartment.

I don't know you at all, but thank you for sharing what you have said in this thread. I have have a couple family members and friends who are mildly autistic and I think this will help me to understand them more.
best of luck.

If any of my posts help people improve communication skills with autistic people or compel people to find out if they are autistic themselves, then that's fantastic.

Thanks for answering my questions. I have a grandson who I think may fall somewhere within the spectrum. He has an incredible amount of empathy towards animals. He cannot watch a commercial for the ASPCA without tearing up. Yet he can matter-of-factly say something that seems incredibly cruel or rude to someone and seem baffled by the response he gets. He is going to be tested.

Congrats for being so open about this. I'm not autistic but have some other issues and just embrace it that I'm not "normal" and think it makes life more interesting even though it can be challenging.

You said you felt something was wrong with you, what made you feel this way? What were some of the rigid routines you had as a child?

Thanks for sharing and best of luck.

How exactly did your friends react? Reacting indifferently to me indicates that it doesn't really matter to them because you as a person didn't suddenly change when you were diagnosed. Your still the same exact person that they chose to be friends with. Their indifferent response may also be because they don't want you to feel like it changes the friendship.

I could always tell there was something a little off about you, no offense.

I can't point to some point in time where I had an epiphany. I just became very frustrated with failing in social situations and knew that something was different. People would call me weird but I would just embrace it as uniqueness. I never really thought about why they said that. After hearing that often enough, I became more critical of myself and really committed myself to finding ways to improve. I kept failing (or at least not meeting expectations) but didn't know why.

I wish I knew about this earlier in life instead of just hiding it with the pretense of uniqueness.

The one that I remember most vividly was that when I was in prekindergarten, I always had to be the first one in the classroom. I always had to be the person to turn on the classroom light. Otherwise, I would have a fit.

One day, I asked my mother more about this. She told me that if story time in pre-k wasn't run at the same time every day or if it was out of sequence with other activities, I would get really angry.

Another thing she said was that I had HotWheels and a little race track for them. But I never used the race track. Instead, I would take all of the cars and line them up single file with the front bumper of each car touching the rear bumper of the car in front of it. Any time a car was knocked out of line, I would without fail realign almost immediately. Of course, people took advantage of this response and would always knock a car out of place just to see the response. I'm not sure if I got angry at some point or if I just disregarded the person who did it.

It was more of a "Oh....ummmmm...." and then a period of speechlessness. I don't think it was apathy. Just an inability to respond properly due to not having experience with the condition. None of them said whether or not they already knew. Doesn't mean that they didn't know, but they just didn't say that to me.

Which reaction had you wished?

Given how ****ty I felt when talking about it (I was a bit shell-shocked), perhaps some kind of empathy or understanding.

Awkward silence wasn't the worst case response. At the same time it wasn't an ideal response because I couldn't figure out what it meant at the time.

Sent from my SM-G530FZ using 2+2 Forums

Chalk it up to the fact that most people really don't know HOW to respond.
I related once before, that, when I found out that I had cancer, people began talking to me slowly, as if I were a brain-damaged child. Drove me crazy.

Some friends were so sympathetic, they started avoiding me, because they couldn't handle being sad and scared for me, and didn't want to upset me or themselves by talking about it.

My close friends and I talked it out, but I had to be the one to bring it up. Seriously, when faced with new, potentially upsetting information, most people are just unsure what to say.

At SUB. See what granddam wrote. It is up to you to guide people in this in one or other direction.

I remember that with one of my very good friends, we met at one seminar, and I was almost sure that he is somewhere from the autistic spectrum. He could not keep eye contact, and there were other weird/not so appropriate things. But how do you bring it up? Do you bring it up at all? What when you are wrong? What when the guy is offended? I thought, that it is good idea, to bring it up, in case he himself does not realize it. I mean it always better to know such things, than not to know. Or?

It ended in me sending him a test to asperger, and telling him how many points I had, and asking him how many does he have. From this point was everything clear. I had 80 points from 100, he 98. And from then on everything was relaxed. But this few days, when you don't know how not to make things worse..... It is difficult. And it is on you to ask your friends in this awkward silence moment, what do they think, or tell them what exactly do you feel, and what do you expect from them.

But anyway respect. I think, coming out, in anything, is the first step to better dealing with things.

This is funny. Reminds me of a lecture I heard a blind lady give at a disabilities conference where she said when people find out she's blind they start yelling at her as if she is also deaf. She said it's basically non-stop that she has to tell people "I'm blind, not deaf." Would be super annoying.

As you discuss in the OP the autistic spectrum is a very woolly concept, so to some extent it's hard to blame people for not understanding it when 'professionals' can't seem to define it clearly. That said, there are definitely a lot of people who only know it as a stereotype and don't bother to think beyond that

The issue with telling people is that, even if they mean well, they can be tempted to define you by your condition. Most people have quirks or traits that some will find annoying, but those aren't seen as symptomatic of something larger; once someone knows you have AS, any deviation from the norm is attributed to it and becomes further proof that you have a fundamental problem. There are lots of people who say and do really stupid and hurtful things, and who routinely display a lack of self-awareness or empathy, but society doesn't feel the need to label them. If your diagnosis helps you to understand yourself and your relationships with others, that's great, but if it doesn't then don't treat it as an objective measurement of self-worth.

The amount of positive support I've been receiving has been very uplifting. It was completely unexpected. Thank you very much

SUB, what medication are you on for your epilepsy? I've had 3 seizures and got on Keppra and have been seizure free for over 7 years with minimal side effects. I'm not claiming to be a neurologist or anything but there are newer drugs that people can deal with a lot better.

I'm on Keppra and Lamictal.

The overwhelming majority of the seizures I have had are the result of me forgetting to take my medication. Ironically, the meds I take cause memory issues for me which makes it hard to remember to take them. So long as I'm on them, I'm good.

Luckily I don't think I've missed any doses. What works for me is a pill box where you put your doses in individual compartments labeled for the days of the week. Many many times I've taken my meds out of habit and forgot a half hour later if I had or not

I believe the accepted term for those people is "douchebags". Another common term is "A-holes". They have the innate ability to interact well with others, but choose not to.

I'd much rather interact with somebody autistic.

That is another major problem I have. Results in me taking double doses.

My **** memory shows itself when i have to remember names. People seem to remember my name but i don't remember theirs. I used to say, "Who are you?" as that's the honest response. Realizing saying that was rude, i adjusted and had to pretend that i knew the person. That felt very dishonest and easy to see through. Now i have a middle ground where i say the former with a bit more tact. Something like, "I'm sorry. Have we met before?"




Sent from my SM-G530FZ using 2+2 Forums

Random question (i will explain why) : do some of you (but what sucks is that apparently the diagnosis seems to be given a bit more easily on the US than in France, maybe it's because in France they re still on some psychanalytic believes) score on the "autistic range" on every (or almost) test on the internet (Autistic Quotient (AQ), Empathy Quotient (EQ), SQ-R (systemisation) on Baron Cohen's tests, the same on the Aspie Quiz (RDOS) even though i have like 140 Aspie and around 80 on NT score), high score on the RAADS-R (Ritvo, i passed it "on myself" and with my father - i have been raised by my grand parents because my brother is autistic - classic Kanner autism - so maybe my father's perception isn't totally accurate but i have around 150-160 on that test and the cut off score was 65 - 240 is max score).

And i have had an appointment to a CRA (autism ressources center at the hospital) last month, they saw me 2 hours : like 40 min with a psychologist, and we mostly spent the time making a recap of my life, so it included the fact that i was raised by my grand parents, that i have a Crohn disease, etc, 40 min with the psychiatrist (my mom talked the whole time, answering as best as she could - so it wasn't amazing infos for the psychiatrist since i have been raised by my grandpas, even though she came with my brother to see us every Wednesday, as a kid, and we spent the sunday with my grandparents, my parents and my brother so she knows me a bit).
We had some argument because when the psychiatrist asked my perceptions of my relations with my brother and the others kids when i was young (i had some good friends in "primaire" so between 6 and 10 yo, and a few ones during mid school and high school (but it was more like i spent time talking with them during class time and really rarely saw them outside) and so i talked with the psychiatrist during about 12-14 min (my mom said that, since she left the room when i talked HU with the psychiatrist ) after the psychiatrist asked her to leave because we argue and i asked her 3 times to stop interrupting me when i was talking - after she talked during like 20 min without me saying almost a single word.
(the last appointment, making the time they saw me up to 2 hours, was a quite useless one with a nurse, where it was said that i followed a classical cursus, in a "normal" school, without any difficulty until the high school included).

The psychiatrist, 35 yo, (had his PhD in 2008 i think about social anxiety, so he has at most 5 years in this service of autism i would say) said there wasn't any argument pointing towards autism (i couldn't really explain my difficulties, some behaviours, since it was quick - also talking about my "non standard" family background - and i was anxious).

I was sent on this hospital by a psychiatrist (saw me once, and saw my mom once too) who used to direct a CRA (autism ressources center) in province, so it embarass me to hear there isn't any argument towards an ASD.
I guess i appeared as someone anxious, but i made regular eye contacts when i was talking (even though they were quick, and when i was with the psychiatrist and my mom when she talked to him, i never looked at the psychiatrist but stared at a point/zone) i didn't show any stereotypies (i don't think i really have some, even though i have some routines like listening 95+% of the time ot the 2 same albums of music when i go to the grocery store for example for more than 2 years now).
They also (or i should say the psychologist) noted that i had some issues with unexpected events (could react strongly, and feel angry for example) and had some attention issues (during the talk with the psychologist a background sound came suddenly and had some issue to focus and keep my ideas i was talking about coming).

They said that it wasn't worth seeing me for a second appointment day for tests (i think the ADI-R and ADOS and maybe others) and the psychiatrist said me (with some light arguments, since i countered them with some counter-examples from a french autism forum i was posting on) that i had social anxiety (i don't say it's not true, i think it's right, but he said "no argument whatsover towards an ASD" without even making my mom come back (maybe i can't be autistic after all, if i show some social interest for others since i said to him "can she come back ?" like she wasn't allowed to hear his diagnosis)

PS : i have had a gifted diagnosis 4 years ago (+3 sd on the WAIS 4, with quite homogene results)
So yeah : DO SOME OF YOU SCORE IN THE AUTISTIC RANGE ON WEB TESTS AND HAVE HAD A NEGATIVE ANSWER WHEN CONSULTING FOR A DX (as i said i was sent by a legit - in the field of autism - psychiatrist, after i saw another one last year that made me pass AQ/EQ/FQ/SQ-R scales for example).
And DOES THE FACT OF HAVING HAD FRIENDS AFTER 6yo (i don't know how i was in kindergarten, but i think i was (extremely ?) shy and i have had difficulties interacting with people, like making an order at a fast food, making phone calls, during years and years, and even as a teenageri was weak in those areas) MAKES AUTISM NOT POSSIBLE (i know autism can be seen around 18 months but i don't know - and my parents don't precisely either - how i was when i was really young)

I feel like my non normal background + health issues with Crohn's (leading to episodes of depression) + gifted dx makes for them difficult to see what comes from what, and what is related to a possible autism, and what is due to another thing

Sorry for the long post but yeah please at least answer to the POSSIBLE TO GET HIGH SCORES ON EVERY WEB'S AUTISM TEST AND NOT BE AUTISTIC and FRIENDS AT SCHOOL AFTER 6YO = AUTISM IMPOSSIBLE ?

Thanks in advance.

I'm in no way qualified to give you any diagnosis, but it sounds to me like you feel that your mother skewed the results. You feel that she either a). Wasn't qualified because she wasn't around you enough, or b). She painted a rosier picture because she didn't want to paint the picture of being a bad parent.

In any case, if you are dissatisfied with the results, can you request a re-test?
At the very least, you should be able to discuss your concerns with the psychologist.
Parents and teachers are generally the primary sources of input, but that assumes the parent is the primary source of knowledge. In your case, she apparently isn't.

Bob, you recognize/remember the person you are seeing but just forgot their name? Or you don't even recognize the person?

If you recognize them but forget their name then maybe just a "Hey man, good to see you again. I'm terrible with names, can you remind me?" or something. In this way you make it obvious that you know the person but are honest that you'd like to know their name (again). I've met plenty of people who say "I'm terrible with names", so it's not a big deal.

As a kid I had everyone's name memorized in my class by like day 2 or 3. As an adult I hear a name and it just goes immediately out of my brain. It's hard to remember. If I get paired with 3 strangers on a golf course and they're like "I'm Bob, I'm Ray, I'm Dan." I'm like oh great. If I remember all their names by round's end it's an accomplishment. It's somewhat important since at the end of the round it's customary to shake hands and say "Dan, enjoyed it.." or "Bob, nice round..." etc. I hate finishing the round and having to be like "Hey I enjoyed it...take care."

Thanks for your reply.
I don't know if my mother painted a better picture of her as a parent and a better picture of me as well but in the letter i received after the appointment (mostly about the talk with the nurse, since i was alone with the psychologist, and the explanation of the psychiatrist is 6 lines long : basically "no features typicals of autism, i was able to construct elaborate sentences, but social/relational difficulties are real, and i'm offered the possibility of an evaluation of my social anxiety on another day) said that what my mom said was "not really informative"

He immediately gave me his diagnosis like 30 seconds (or even less) after i stopped talking (i can't remember exactly but he almost stopped whereas we had been talking for less than 15 mins) and talked of social anxiety.
I asked (a bit in shock of seeing that they didn't want me to come back to get some testing) - but it was a reaction on the moment - if i could get another opinion elsewhere, he talked me about other centers (i don't know what to think of the fact that - i explain those autism centers are organized per region and the one i went had the mention "for the evaluation of autism in adults" whereas the other one was "for the adults suffering (literally the french word was "souffrant") of Asperger's syndrome" ) so i don't know if they're able to diagnose difficult cases (not the text book description from the DSM person).

But yeah i read one story (and another but she was a woman and apparently had also a negative diagnosis on the other center im talking about) of a middle age man (around 40 i think, im 25 myself) at the same autism service and he basically had the same experience and was disappointed with the justifications he was given by the young psychiatrist.
He tried at the other center - i think it wasn't because they weren't sure about his case - but he went multiple times and basically they said "there are (non negligeable) autistic traits, but since anxiety overlaps we can't do much more to help you and we can't put the diagnosis because of the anxiety.
(same similar story for the woman getting 2 negative opinions, she talked about that - she had a page facebook about Asperger's - and someone told her that he (or she, don't know) had everything over the cut off scores but since his parents (died) couldn't do the ADI-R they could not put the diagnosis but they still sent him to a structure for disabled persons.)

So i don't know, and that's not a pleasant feeling, if i'm not autistic, or if my case isn't an obvious and they're not (in 2015) capable of detecting an autism, if it exists, such as mine (i hate typing that "mine" since i'm not diagnosed, so i struggled in front of my keyboard, but typed it since i couldn't find a better syntax) or if they might think that i might be autistic but that's not a disability in my case (or i should say not my biggest one).

One thing that tilted me in the diagnosis is that i'm able to "understand social cues - i hope it's the right word - and that i give social recriprocity (i don't know what they're meaning by that, because yes i'm capable of saying "Fine, thank you, and you ?" when they asked How am i doing ? (i said i was anxious too but that's obvious for this type of appointments )

Yes i'm reciprocate but i wasn't able to listen at all every time i went to eat at my parents house and do not care about the stories my mom was telling me and only thinking about what i read about ASD (during the months after i saw the psychiatrist last year that talked about an eventual ASD) and what i learned so i could tell them.

I feel like they absolutely can't perceive you well in less than 2 hours of time, since i still have difficulties knowing and judging myself (when you pass some tests online) after 25 years of life.
But i will return to see they psychiatrist that sent me to them, and see how things will go.


EDIT : forgot to say it but my father has some significant autistic traits

A-Rod's talked about two differents things : the first one as he said is prosopagnosia (recognize faces), whereas the second one is more memory issue.