I considered posting this anonymously, but I suspect that I would be found out by observant people. Of course, the mod staff would also easily find me out. Might as well just be me.

Anyway, TLDR material upcoming. Might be worth a read if you are interested in ASDs.

------------------------------------------------------

From college onwards, I suspected that something was wrong with me. I didn't think it was necessarily this. I just thought I was the weird kid in class when I was in school. I spent my early childhood going to child psychologists to fix problems with my speech and to break rigid routines that I had. The approach had limited success. Although I broke those rigid routines, I developed others to replace them. I don't recall the reason (I was very young at the time), but my parents stopped sending me to them.

It's just weird that it took until 30 to become diagnosed with it. I am grateful that there is more awareness of it and that children are being diagnosed at a younger age nowadays. I think my quality of life might have been better as a child if I was aware that there was a disorder associated with my oddities.

But I felt that claiming I was autistic without any professional diagnosis was just making an excuse for shortcomings in life, especially regarding socialization. They were shortcomings that I spent my teenage years and adulthood trying to fix but never could no matter what I tried. There was always something wrong with me and even when it was explained to me, I still couldn't make the proper changes to adjust. I was really a blind man groping my way through an unfamiliar room when it came to that. To a certain degree, I have become better through trial-and-error. However, there are still thresholds that I have been unable to cross and feel that I will be unlikely to cross in my lifetime.

Aside from that diagnosis, I was also diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 11 and must take prescription medication for the remainder of my life. The side effects from the medication make my life harder than it should be. It's somewhat ironic that the medication I take causes memory loss because that symptom makes it difficult for me to remember to take my medication. It is a huge inconvenience in my life, but I suppose it could be worse. Although the side effects of my medication are undesirable, at least my condition can be controlled with medication.

After telling friends (though I question whether or not I know what that means) about this, I notice that the responses have been pretty indifferent. Perhaps the stigma against mental disorders is something I'm becoming more aware of. Maybe it's the way I'm telling people or where I am telling people. Maybe I shouldn't have told them at all and just hid it from them. For all I know, they aren't my friends and I've just been misunderstanding them ever since I met them.

I'm posting here because I would like people who immediately think of Rain Man or some mentally slow child when they think of ASDs to be aware that ASD covers a huge range of people. A small minority are autistic savants. Others might be high-functioning like myself and are just the weirdos that you feel uncomfortable around. Some are incredibly difficult to classify if they can be classified at all.

I don't expect sympathy from OOT. I do expect trolls to take shots at me for my condition. Those mean-spirited comments will be ignored. I just hope that this will be somewhat therapeutic for me and will to some degree alleviate the stigma that some people have against mental disorders.

If you have gotten this far, I thank you. I can't imagine my writing being particularly exciting.

Hey thanks for sharing.

I think it's important for people to talk about this kind of thing openly to help with the discrimination that those with mental health diagnoses face.

FWIW I think there's much more understanding of ASD and the fact that there is a wide range of social functioning within this diagnosis. Some of the indifference you perceived may have actually been more along the lines of "okay, that's fine" indifference rather than discomfort indifference.

It's possible. I often have difficulties with understanding motives and what people really mean when they say things.

That's pretty typical of autism.

It's labeled as a "pervasive developmental disorder" but I think a better way of categorizing it would be simply a difference in the development of the cognitive systems that process information. Sensory and social information in particular seem to be processed differently, and this results in "abnormal" behavior.

You see the world differently from others, and of course when you are in any type of minority there are issues with adapting to the norms of the majority, but it sounds like you've done a decent job finding ways to function with your differences.

Sometimes I think friendship is totally arbitrary. One person just decides that they are friends with another. And vice versa. Hopefully.

Does that friendship mean anything? Does it mean anything if only one person values it? I don't know. What are friends, anyway? As far as I can tell, they're people you (enjoy) spend(ing) time with and any attempts to define them beyond that run into problems. Even that definition seems tenuous.


As far as reactions from friends go, if a friend told me that I'd have no idea how to react. Not because I don't understand or because I think there's any kind of stigma, but because social interactions are hard. I think I'd say something like 'it doesn't change anything between us and if you ever want to talk about it then I'm listening' but probably only after an awkward silence. I'd take indifference and run with it because it's a hard thing to react to appropriately in the spur of the moment. The important thing is that they don't treat you any differently after you told them.

I think you can take this response at face value. In other words, they probably ARE indifferent.

If one of my friends told me he was autistic, I myself wouldn't have much of a reaction, because I would have ALREADY figured out how to interact with him e.g. being more literal in my communication.

FWIW there are some autistic people I enjoy hanging out with, exactly because you can dispense with most of the bull**** you have to go through with other people.

Psychologists like to make up things. Autistic people rarely live long. The main.question is if you have symptoms such as listening to the same song over and over AS A KID or special abilities like the matchstick counting in the movie. I am guessing you have aspergers based on your post.

Thanks. College was a nightmarish experience for me. At large parties, I used to panic and hide in a corner or the bathroom and weave my way out without saying anything due to the noise.

Eventually, I started going to those places because that's where people my age would go and I wanted to have friends. But I would have to be incredibly drunk to feel comfortable there and I would either make an ass of myself or embarrass another person. I tried giving up drinking several times in my early/mid 20s but failed every time. Now, I have had more success in that area than ever before. I am pretty lonely, but do I really want to rely on alcohol to talk to people for my entire life?

Okay. Thanks for your perspective. Much appreciated.

There are a lot of things that I hate about communication. Stuff like small talk drives me nuts. It's boring but it's what people seem to feel comfortable with. I force myself through it hoping that something interesting can come up.

Asperger's is part of the autism spectrum.

But even then who cares. I was diagnosed bipolar and when given the meds the Dr said ""lots of bigshots take them"" Id rather take ssids or exctasy. Also bipolar is by far the best lifestyle.

Its different though. Aspergers just gives you a niche lifestyle. Ttue autism sucks. (I have written a 15 page research paper on true autism)

Of course you have.

Slip,

It's insulting to call autism of any kind a niche lifestyle. If that was the case, my life would be easier and I wouldn't have made this thread.

There's no such thing as "true autism" (I suspect I know what you mean by that though). Given that you used that phrase, I find it hard to believe that you wrote any paper on this.

The DSM was adjusted to broaden the definition of autism as it was being underdiagnosed under the previous more rigid definition. Now it's Autism Spectrum Disorder. ASD covers a larger diversity of symptoms and more people fall under its definition now. Asperger's is hard to diagnose because it shares a lot of symptoms with high-functioning autistic people. So there's a debate among some specialists if a distinction should be made or not.

Yes, I am high-functioning relative to other autistic people. But people who play down another's condition by calling it a lifestyle are exactly the types who make it difficult to deal with having ASD.

Probably best to ignore you from now on.

You are just overthinking it and for some reason refuse to.embrace happiness

SS STFU you have no idea what you're talking about.

JFC you're part of the problem. Oh you did a 15 page paper! You're an expert!

Yeah, no, of course not. I wouldn't want to go to parties if they were that overwhelming to me, either, and while I'm not on the ASD spectrum, that type of environment can be overwhelming to me and plenty of other people as well.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like, I have a bit of experience with working with autistic clients. If nothing else I may be able to help you pin down a couple of specific skills that could help with social interactions or other situations you still find uncomfortable.

Never seen a post by slipslope before this thread, but they are horrendous. Should be banned.

Oh, he's the escort guy. Makes sense, but I haven't read that mess of a thread, so I'm going to assume he is always this awful.

You're dumb.

I'm not making this up.

Thanks SGT. Bit late here and I need some sleep. Perhaps tomorrow

Are you a psychologist though?

Don't dignify slipslope by responding to his posts.

This is by far the stupidest thing I've read on this site in a long while. Kudos.

By responding, you accomplish his goal of derailing the thread and making it about him.

I just read the first few posts then saw that and had to let the guy know how stupid he is, I'm out.

Good luck in all your future endeavors,

Leo