Hey Wookie,
First, congratulations, and congratulations on having the strength to keep going.
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Originally Posted by MrWookie
Well, for iteration #3, we have officially made it further than my birthday, which means we have made it further than the previously-synchronous iteration #1 (literally identical dates for LMP and due date). Birthday this year had plenty of unspoken tension, but it came and went with time in museums and bars and not hospitals.
Yup. The unpredictability of my own response to stuff like this still catches me off guard, and nothing happened on
my birthday. I'm sorry, man. At some point, there's no use in saying one thing is worse than another ... it's all the worst.
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We got our first appointment & ultrasound much later this time -- today, rather than 12/23. This time around, the little wiggler was larger than expected (looking like 11 weeks along instead of 10 based on cycle timing), whereas iteration #2 was on target and iteration #1 was undersized compared to cycle-based expectations. Also, the little wiggler was a whole lot more wiggly than previous iterations, but this was the latest ultrasound I've ever seen. This is nothing but good news, according to the doc.
That's so awesome. I hope you're able to find space to be happy for what's happening right now, without it all being always explicitly overshadowed. It sounds like you are, and I know that struggle. I also hope your friends and family don't say too many stupid things that mean to be supportive, but aren't.
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Still, I'm going to have a hard time being actually optimistic for at least another 3 weeks, when we actually get into uncharted territory compared to prior iterations. Even then, it's going to be hard for me to feel like we're out of the woods, even if that's what the books say, and even when I'm convinced that the pregnancy is going to work out ok, then that is just going to be replaced by the terror that I have a little thing that I need to make sure turns out OK, and I won't be sure that it turns out OK for 30+ years, or maybe not until I die.
I feel all of this. My wife and I talk about this pretty frequently. You have to constantly reinforce each other, constantly think about what life would be like if you put on a helmet before leaving the house every day, constantly remind yourself of Bayesian probabilities for life, and constantly be OK with slipping sometimes, as long as you pick yourself up.
I will say that we do a way better job of balancing this with the twins than we did with Evie.
I'm glad for what you have now, and I'm sobbing for the past, and for fear. Take care.