This thread is for all your relationship purposes and needs:


So I will start it off....

Where do I draw the line with my gf about letting her sister live with us?

She wants her sister to stay with us "temporarily". I own the place we live in and I had a hard time letting her move-in, because I lived so long by myself. I love my gf, but I'm not sure having her sister living with us (even temporarily) is a good idea.

Do I say sure, but lay down the exact time she has to be out?

First!

I say.... Tell her it's OK as long as there are threesomes involved..

OK, Seriously. This is fraught with danger. You risk pissing off your GF if you say no or lay down any rules. If the sister is a pain it temporary turns into a freeloader living there for an extended period of time it likely is just not a good situation either.

The only thing that makes this OK is if everyone involved is reasonable and it really stands a chance to only be short term.

The exception is if you can get away with banging the sister on the side.

I promise I will be serious from here on out. The middle part was serious at least.

How are you going to say no and not catch hell from, or lose your gf?

Let her stay and hope for the best. You will score major brownie points from gf. If shes a decent looking chick she'll find somebody fast and will be gone. Sister is probably not crazy about moving in with you and your gf either. You got any lonesome friends?

Great avatar MidyMat.

Wish Florida would sink into the Ocean.

Why does sis need a place?

Just got parole after serving time for that messy bank job?
Ran away from her abusive boyfriend, the one in MS13?

Chances of finding/affording a place of her own?

Chances of a deadline actually being enforced?

How old is sister?
Does she have a job?
Has she ever held a job?

I don't want to piss off my gf. Her sister is a great person, but living with someone and knowing someone are two different animals. amirite?
^Great point, I have thought of this too.
I hoping it's only temp, but you never know...
Don't talk bad about "America's Penis" bro!!!

Her sis graduated college and her lease ran out and she wants to live with her sister until she finds a job.
She doesn't have a lot of money(broke college grad), so I think she thinks that she will be able to save some money staying with us. I told my gf that 1 yr is max, no more after that.

@Katy_ she has savings..no job as of yet..yes she has held jobs, but only college jobs like waiting tables etc etc etc

To put this in perspective, I'm 30..my gf is 25 and her sis is 22. My gf's mother has passed on and her father is worthless(and no one talks to him) so my gf is like a mother to her younger sisters.

Based on this, I vote yes. Family should help out family when they can.

Unless I missed it, a lot more information is needed. How long have you been together? If you had a hard time letting her move in, how did that conversation take place? How long have you lived together? To what extent are your finances with your girlfriend joint?

You can't set a hard time to be out. One, because if it was that simple then sister wouldn't need the help. And it's the worst of both worlds -- you let her live with you but in a way where the sister never feels welcome and she's still sweating.

Yes, help, is probably the right thing to say. Have hard conversations with your GF about what you both expect to happen. But really I think more info is needed if you're seriously torn over it.

I would make a compromise with your girlfriend as in "your sister can stay with us but only for x weeks or x months" with both of you agreeing ahead of time what the exact amount of time is. And make sure that the sister is explicitly told what this amount of time is. Definitely do not agree to this without some set time limit first - you can always revise it/drop the time limit completely if it works out that you all get along really well and there are no issues. But you can't go back and retroactively set a fixed time limit if it ends up being a terrible situation.

I have been with gf for 4 years. It really wasn't a convo I had with gf. She just stayed at my house all the time I just said move in. My gf is a great woman. We planned to have the hard convo with her sister this weekend, because we are probably going to let her move-in sometime in sept. My finances are great. My gf only pays for half utilities & w/e she wants like food, drink etc etc. I want her sis to pay rent and her share of utilities & food. I already told my gf that if she pays I will put the money in an account to give back to her sis at the end of the year as like a gift because she is trying to save money. My gf and I plan on getting married in the future so I guess I'm stuck with her family. lol

I think setting a hard date to move out is a good option for my gf and I.

thx for all the advice...

OK OK this is a relationship thread.. not a MidyMat thread..I can't be the only person with relationship problems.....

Come on Lounge!!!

Lay down the law. Say no. You aren't even married to this girl yet.

Hint: Even if you were, you still say no. Freeloaders suck. If you show any weakness it will never end.

lol @ "she wants to live with her sister". That sounds fine if her SISTER DIDN'T ALREADY LIVE WITH HER BOYFRIEND.

She's 22 she can find a job to pay for rent or move in with a friend. I lived in the ghetto with a college friend for like 4 years. I paid my dues. Only moved out because roomie had a gun pulled on him outside our apartment for 2 sacks of groceries.

The motherly aspect that your gf has for her 3-year-younger sister should just stop now. She's 22 and needs to go out and attack the world on her own. Stay out of it just say no.

I realize I'm cold-hearted but I also deal with a VERY MINIMAL amount of FEMALE DRAMA in my life and I love it this way. ****ING LOVE IT.

^very true katy

None of this "hard date of moving out" stuff will work. Trust me. You're dealing with 2 females here. They'll get ungodly emotional on you when that day comes. None of this is worth it at all.

And putting money in an account to give back to the girl at the end of the year is a terrible idea. You aren't supposed to get gifts for taking care of yourself. Teach her to be independent now.

@ AROD

I believe a "hard date to move out" will work. My gf is on board with a "hard date". She is just starting out her adult life. I understand not everyone gets help. I didn't have any help. Yes, I turned out great, but it was hard and I don't want someone I can help to go thru the same hardships if I have the ability to help them. Maybe not helping her will make her a better person, but I think that helping the ones you love if you can is okay. Her sister isn't a hard drinker, not a drug addict and is a very responsible person.

What your gf is "on board" with now and when the day comes are 2 separate things. It won't work, and if it were feasible, I'd like to bet money on it not working. That's how confident I am. Things will change. Circumstances will change. When the day comes, new information will make it even more difficult for her to move out. Like, she'll buy a new car then talk about how her car payments are leaving her with nothing left at the end of the month. Just 6 more months she'll say.

You started the thread for advice... I'm just chiming in with mine that's all. Take it or leave it, but please bump this thread when the hard date comes and let us all know how it worked out.

lol...you seem mad bro

I started this thread because I (and others) think that a "relationship discussion thread" for posting about relationships is a good idea for "The Lounge".

I don't want this thread to be just about me, but for everyone to discuss their relationships in a friendly environment.

Sorry, let me rephrase. You made your post. What's the difference? You want advice. Bump thread in 6 months or whenever she's supposed to move out and tell me what an idiot I was and how glad you are that you let your girlfriend's little sister live with you.

Having this girl live with you will likely negatively affect your relationship with your girlfriend more than just telling her No and being firm will. If you care about your relationship, honestly, the best thing for it is to say no. Seems counter-intuitive but it's not.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST THE SISTER ? And what's wrong with a little motherly love from a big sister toward a little sibling? Geesh What is wrong with you, you old ice cube heart.

It may work. He may love living with 2 sisters, neither of which he is even married to. I'm sure it will be awesome for a 30 year old man.

No man wants to live with any woman unless she's his daughter or he's ****ing her. That's pretty damn true.

This is true?

lol. I don't know if you've noticed but women are hard to handle. Dudes don't want DRAMA and are only willing to put up with it if its coming from his daughter or woman he's boning.

Nah women are easy to live with. You just have to completely ignore the drama.

OK, perhaps as penance for supporting the closure of the other thread, I'll contribute one here:

With K and I finally living together, things are great, but you also start to notice the things you didn't notice before. For the most part, K has very good habits, good table manners, etc. There's one exception. She sluuuuuuuuurrrrrrrppppppsssssssss her cereal. Badly.

Most mornings, she has a bowl of cereal on the couch. I have a cup of coffee at my desk. As best I can divine aurally, her method for eating cereal seems to be to place the tip of the spoon just atop her lower lip, and then to inhale violently to deliver the cereal and milk into her mouth. And repeat. And then do it with just the leftover milk when all the cereal is gone. She doesn't seem to eat soup this way. Just cereal. And by no means is this the sort of "Asian people politely slurping noodles from their soup" sort of slurping. I don't think I could make a louder slurping noise if I tried.

I mentioned it once. And in addition to the expected awkwardness, I'm not sure the correction lasted through that bowl of cereal. I'm not sure what it is, but it seems that putting the spoon all the way into her mouth before doing anything else just completely escapes her, at least if there is cereal atop that spoon. So, do I suck it up and deal, as we all have our faults? Well, maybe, and I guess we don't eat cereal out in public often, so that's not so bad. But we do want kids one day, and I don't want them eating like barbarians. Where would I stand on correcting them on eating cereal when they're just copying mommy? That's a tough battle to win if they're copying mommy, even if I have better standing to correct the kids than to correct K. But K and two kids slurping cereal like that could wake the dead. Do I stand a chance enlisting kids to correct mommy?

So, what do you think, folks? Do you make an issue out of K's cereal habits ever (obviously I'll work on the kids), and if you do, do you elect to take initiative early, or time it around when the kids start feeding themselves?

You need to upgrade your women.

MM-
ARC is right about this - a hard move-out date will not work. What happens when the date comes and she has nowhere to go? It should be more of a goal.

This is not an issue. In six months you won't even notice it. If you do, you will be the one with the problem.

Mindy,

If you're really going to marry your GF, then her sister is your sister now. She's family. If you have the room, and it's not a hardship, and the sister is as nice and responsible as you say she is - it should be no problem. Let her stay for however long she needs. She'll want to be on her own soon enough. And setting a date goal is good, but don't make it like its a drop dead date, you know?

You will get major points for this.

Wookie - I love this problem because stuff like slurping drives me crazy. But this is just something you're going to have to live with. Unless she brings up something that bugs her, of course, and then you can compromise!

As for the kids, don't worry about that, it's silly. They won't emulate their mother's eating habits. They will have much worse ones!

And then you can correct them.