The Shangri-Las Las are widely respected as one of the greatest talents in musical history. This does not mean that they are not criminally underrated.

666!

they were the leader of the pack.

The greatest secret that men keep from women is that when we annoy them to the point that they stand with their hands on their hips, shout at us and look at us with an expression of contempt we are not listening to what they say, we are just thinking about how beautiful they are.

This my entire response to anything

Teachers of young children are invariably alcoholics. Teachers of college aged kids avoid this problem by indulging in inappropriate sexual relationships with their pupils

Love doesn’t mean never having to say that you are sorry. Having a severe lisp on the other hand ...

Melancholy is a beautiful word that is used to describe an ugly condition

Should be in the worlds greatest quotes thread
“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being”.
Oscar Wilde

I will not hunt you down and kill you. I will hunt you down and make some slightly sarcastic remarks.

I love wordplay. Coldplay are a entirely different matter

From every cop show. Saying “ Stay exactly where you are” is an unnecessarily precise instruction “ Don’t move too much or I will shoot you” works just as well

Stolen from the Daily Mash
AFTER 40 years of mobile telephones, a Nokia with a broken screen has been declared the greatest ever.

Experts described the battered 2003 phone as ‘not taking any ****’, and ‘the only phone you’ve ever wanted to have a pint with’.


Telecoms analyst Martin Bishop said: “It’s got buttons, a speaker, the game ‘Snake’ plus you can drive a Panzer tank over the ****er and it still works.

“It is the best phone and really you want one with the screen a bit smashed up, because that gives it character.”

A panel of consumers, industry experts and technologists described all other phones as ‘a pile of wank’.

Mobile user Tom Logan said: “I got sucked into the whole iPhone bullshit thing, but really this works much better.

“Thinking about it, I was duped by clever marketing into thinking that owning a certain type of telecommunications device would make me cool. Is there anything more ridiculous?”

He added: “Also Snake is the best game ever. They use it to train astronauts to have faster reflexes.

“And you don’t have to pay more money to get a faster snake.

In 2001 I spent a large amount of time in a small town in Germany. I occupied a lot of my time by playing snake. Most of my other spare time was spent in consoling an elderly German woman who had married an English doctor at the end of the Second World War, She was treated with contempt by her work colleagues and found my innate love of people refreshing.

swallowing money will not be the best way to stop hiccups.

My daughter has had ongoing hiccups for over 15 years. It takes an operation to correct, so she lives with the hiccups.

A large part of the joy of living is the fear of death

My dad lived through the Second World War He once told me that the sound of a spitfire was the most reassuring noise that he has ever heard.

Every man thinks about having a relationship with a nurse. I have actually done this, it is much better than you think that it would be

It would be impossible to be better than I think it would be.

I don't. Too many nurses in my family. My brother and his two daughters are all nurses. And I've worked with nurses.

Don’t take things too seriously. Use your judgment and balance the relationship between frivolity and overly solemnity with extreme care.

I have done other things with nurses

Let me see . . . Uh, no!

From observing his recent behaviour I have concluded that my dog is a racist.