If any of you ever suspected that I may have deep-seeded issues, this is going to be proof-positive that you are correct.

I hate furniture shopping, part 1
(How it ought to be)

I'm at that age where I should have the following:

1- A wife who needs her chair for whatever it is a woman needs her own chair for.

2- A kid who needs a tiny chair to read books on. Okay, fine, her head will be buried in a tablet using Facebook Messenger for Kids because what could possibly be going wrong there?

3- A dog, which means I would have to get a mondo couch so he could have his own end to sit on when the wife and kid is playing video games, or whatever it is moms do with their kids on the couch.

I hate furniture shopping, part 2
(how it ain't)

Really, I should have a wife that enjoys furniture shopping. Here's some money, go buy a couch and don't ask me what I think because furniture shopping does nothing but give me a pounding headache.

I hate furniture shopping, part 3
(how I did it last time)

Last time I went furniture shopping, I went to about 20 stores over the span of 4 months, going at least once a week. I worked near a large collection of furniture stores and really tried to like something... anything.

At the end of that long ordeal, I bought a bed, which was sort of required because sleeping on polished concrete flooring isn't ideal.

... and I bought two bar stools and a small table off Amazon. A neighbor left a desk chair near the trash, so I took it.

I hate furniture shopping, part 3
(planning what to buy)

In the hopes that I wouldn't go through the above again, I created a simple battle plan. Mind that I have to fill an 800 sqft studio with "more stuff." For today, this meant a love seat and an easy chair.

I'm classical kind of guy, or rather, I'm a scrub, a relic of the idea that a couch is meant to be used for sitting on, not a decoration piece. In my world, these are fine examples of a proper couch:







Sure, they are gaudy, ugly, but you know damn well you want to lay all over these and drown in comfort. Don't deny it.

But no... what do we have that passes for "a couch" today?



That says: "I'm a virgin and I plan to stay that way."

These things are horrible in so many ways. They are trickery. When you sit on a couch, you want to put your arm on an arm-rest, right? It gets worse because there is all that space that no one can sit on. It looks like you can fit 5 people, but really, you can fit 2. All that extra fabric for what?

I hate furniture shopping, part 4
(store A)

Store A was nothing but the monstrosities you find above. I dither around and try out a few, but I'm not feeling any of it. I ask the sales person if they had any real couches and he wasn't able to pull up anything that caught my fancy.

I hate furniture shopping, part 5
(store B)

I walk over to Store B and it's looking more promising. I'm a man on a mission and I'm not going to walk around to 30 stores looking for my unicorn couch and easy chair.

They have a handful of couches that look like real couches, with large pillows, funky colors, and huge arm rests, but none of them are comfortable. I quickly realize that trying to buy a couch for $250 isn't going to get me anything worth a darn, so I go exploring a little more, trying out some of the more boxy offerings (and standing firm on my opinion of sectionals).

The sales person apparently saw that I was dead set on getting my ordeal over with, so he politely followed me around from a distance, making sure that he was the guy I would ask questions to. Sometimes he would appear from nowhere and say "that's a nice couch there. You have a good eye."

I hate furniture shopping, part 6
(the stupid-looking easy chair)

Wobbly and exhausted, head pounding to full cannon shots, I see this:



It's round, it spins, and it looks perfect for a clown. I decide to sit on and think about the exit.

I fall into it and... Oh my god, this is the most comfortable ****ing chair I've ever sat on. It's amazing and I'm in love.

I tell the salesperson that it's silliest thing I've ever seen and I can't put that in my place.

Ever the patient one, he follows me to another collection of couches and points out that I can buy a whole 14pc set for $X. I don't tell him that I'm not trying to dump $3,000 on a furniture set...

I hate furniture shopping, part 7
(intermission)

So, last time I went furniture shopping, I found some couches that were $3,000. They were comfortable and fully customizable. They took 3 months to make by hand. ugh, no.

I hate furniture shopping, part 8
(time passes)

Two hours later, I must be looking worn out and apparently the worse my headache got, the more I looked like fresh bait to the salesperson. We chatted about this and that and I eventually go back to the stupid clown chair, wiped out and totally exhausted. I don't sit on it, but check out the matching couch and love seat.

So... I like that chair, but I don't like this couch. I tell the salesperson this and tell him I'd probably want to mix and match.

"You don't want to do that. They don't match."

What? That's not normal?

"No, that's not normal."

oh... So I try out another chair but in a different color. The matching couch is this:



that color is so depressing to look at, so no thanks.

I go back to the couch and contemplate. The salesperson, now knowing I've bitten, is sitting on the love seat, giving me the pitch.

"That chair is perfect. You have your girlfriend over and..."

woah... Slow down, buddy.

I hate furniture shopping, part 9
(paying for it)

I bought the round chair and above couch in white.

Satisfied he landed a sale, the salesperson took his time doing my order. My head is now bursting at the seams, I can barely think, I'm totally exhausted, and I feel like I'm in a haze. I pull out my card and swipe it through the terminal, glad to finally walk out the door.

No... not yet. Now I have to sign my name on a bunch of dotted lines.

I hate furniture shopping, part 10
(waiting for it)

Well... I guess there is no way to buy a piece of furniture and have it that week. Or maybe there is, but it seems one month is the general lead time.

There will be more purchases, and I'll be sure to complain about it here. In the meantime...

Fyi, that's not how wives work.

When I bought my first house, I bought nothing normal. I went to a few outdoor furniture places and filled up on patio/lawn furniture. I figured that if I didn't like it, I'd just throw it outside and start over -- or if I moved, almost all of it folded up and would be easy to handle. Plus, everything was 1/4 to 1/3 the price and nobody worried about "matching". Even better, they'll dicker to make the sale.

Never regretted it, in fact it's one of the very few brilliant ideas I've ever had.

Glad to help.

I bought the most important piece of furniture I could think of, right here:



I mean, if I'm going to have a place that invites people over (I doubt it, but still), I should at least be able to play some music.

Thinking of getting some guitar stands and more cables because no apartment is complete unless it looks like this:



More seriously, I still have to buy some stools for the table, and dishes and other eating stuff.

I suspect my apartment will be mostly empty for the entire time I'm there. My pattern of shopping is somewhere between never and once every 5 years. I've been meaning to buy some clothes for the past 6 months and I never got around to it. I was going to buy some new shoes because my last ones were too old. It took me 2 months of making excuses before I finally forced myself to do go out and buy 2 pairs. That'll last me a year, lol.

Phat Mack;

I feel weighed down when I have stuff. I could buy a book shelf but that'll make me feel more heavy. I should just order and bunch of milk crates and drape sheets over them.

For what it's worth, my last place was rocking a couple of those felt lawn chairs. They were super comfortable to just chill on, and no one ever said anything bad about them. They even preferred them over my bar stools.

Dave,

That's kinda me you're describing. If and when I move, I'm giving my debit card to my sister-in-law for her to shop for me. She's already volunteered.

I once spent 45 minutes buying a refrigerator. 30 minutes were spent driving to Sears and back. If the salesman wasn't so slow, I could have knocked off seven minutes.

John, you are a beast. I spent 2 hours at Bed Bath & Beyond looking at silverware. There were 2 collections in my budget. I also went to Target and didn't like any of them. I felt like I was picking silverware I didn't outright hate.

I ended up going hard-core $$$ by doing some online shopping at Walmart. They are the only ones that sell glass dishes. Not true, many other places sell the exact same brand but 2x the price.

I also got some bar stools.

I think I'm pretty good to go with everything I want now. I have enough space to add a bookshelf and other items, but I'm not too keen on buying more things. I'll probably buy a coffee table and call it a day.

I think I'm done with buying furniture. I was thinking of buying a larger desk that's set up for placing monitors on. The other desks are too tiny if you are looking to spend under $200. Something that's more my speed would have been close to $1000. Thanks, but no thanks.

I bought some stands instead. I think they look nifty:



Yes, they are supposed to be one of the left side and one on the right side of the desk. I'm deaf out one ear, so this is what works for me.

It's now May 24. After a whole month of waiting for the glorious couch, the delivery truck arrives on the assigned day and...

The elevator is too small for the couch. I'm not a jerk, so I didn't demand they walk the thing up the stairs (plus I'm the one that has to bring it down on day).

I went ahead and downgraded to a love seat, which means I have to walk to the store to get my $20 refund back. The furniture won't arrive until next month.

sigh...

Stand up desk)) Guys, sitting is soo bad!!

I like standup desks, but I really don't want one for this place. I had to buy this:



That's for my DJ controller, two monitors, computer, and amp. On top of those chords, I have 1/4 to 1/4 cables, DI box, 1/4 to XL cables, and various other cords that allow everything to talk to each other. It's super precarious to have all of that stuff on a moving platform. I could use a larger desk, but that's just more money I don't feel like spending.

**

I finally got the sofa.

It turns out that trying to arrange a large rectangle is harder than it looks. At first, I put the sofa, bed, and seat along the one wall, but it looked kind of odd and off-balance. I turned the couch so it's perpendicular to the wall (and hides my bed). This results in the place looking more balanced, but it also makes the place look a bit smaller, as the sofa gives the illusion of a wall. That "wall" is really my bed being out of sight.

On the other hand, the entire other half of my place looks entirely empty. The kitchen looks like it is a 15 minute walk away, then there is a ton of dead space.

I don't know. I'm not a home designer. Maybe I'll add some artwork or something.

Foosball table? Keg reefer?

I once had a motorcycle in my living room. Everybody assumed it was meant as art, but it was to work on while I watched football.

Phat Mack, you are more of a man that I can ever be.

Back in my messenger days, I had this obnoxiously large 2br apartment. The dining room was all windows, repurposed as my bike fixing room. To this day, I have a healthy fear of taking two wheeled vehicles on the street. Not for me.

I couldn't imaging the smell of having a motorcycle in my room, so maybe I should get some fake plants. I'm terrible at keeping the real ones alive, plus they attract bugs. I'll just spray air freshener and claim the smell is from the fake plants.

I just enjoy tinkering. Don't put stuff in your home because you think you're supposed to, just fill it with stuff that makes you happy.

Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance.

Stand up desk. I do not sit anymore at all if I do not have to. Over 3 years been doing it, you can too:I love it!! Of course it helps if u work from home.

http://nymag.com/strategist/article/...on-amazon.html

Look, I get you like standup desks. Our employer actually supplies them for us if we request them.

As I said, it would be super precarious of me to have a standup desk with the various equipment I have. I also have a tall table that I can use if I feel the need to stand up and do computer stuff. I also have two bar stools.

Finally testing out my new rice cooker tonight. uh...

I was thinking this is the world's slowest rice cooker. That was true because I never plugged it in.

I won't have much left.

And who do you work for? I refuse to go back to a brick and mortar because they force you to sit all day. Rolls Royce is the only company I know of that offers that.

Sitting all day guys is a complete hazard. Get with it!!!!!!

I would never tell where I work on a public website, lol.

I will say that most tech companies have standup desks. I think this is cultural thing. The industry is well past the days of the fat and slimy soda-addicted programmer, and there is a lot of pressure to not become that type as well.

I used to work as a contractor. I've been on a handful of B&M contracts, and yes, they all had standup desks. I make more money now than I did as a contractor, plus it's much more stable income. I'm still adjusting 6 months after the fact, so I still live like I don't know what my income is for the next 3 months. No desire to go back to that life.

I'm also one of those people that can't sit for very long, so I stand up, walk around, do whatever.

That is Awesome! Thanks for sharing I cannot sit anymore. IMO they should have stand up poker tourneys. The beauty of playing online is that we can stand. Thanks again for responding.

For Dave going shopping here is a good start if you want to get a stand up desk.

https://www.startstanding.org/standi...ng-desks/#what

Let me guess, you work from home promoting stand up desks?

I have done everything from real estate to political polling to credit repair. I am a freelancer and years ago decided to dump the chair. In my opinion, sitting is a national hazard. I have a stepper I can be on while on the phones. It works! Just promoting a different way of thinking Dave

That's a job?

I have an idea for you A new thread, where are we going hiking tomorrow?

We? You aren't that girl I met the other day!

I did buy some artwork because, yeah, everyone who came by said that's desperately needed.

I bought the following paintings:







*

I was going to get Las Meninas and Guernica as well, but sort of punked out because I didn't want to spend the money.