This is some ****ed up **** imo. Stars better have a good answer for this most despicable act of animal violence.
However, I have a hunch that this could be a warning of sorts, so I proceed with caution and diplomacy:
>Dear Stars Support Guru,
>I have been very satisfied with my experience at PokerStars, both in terms
>of gameplay and customer service. For reasons unrelated to my satisfaction
>with your service, I recently completely emptied the funds from my
account. (this is 100% true)
>I expected that to be the end of that until my recently-ordered FPP store
>donkey came in the mail today. Needless to say I was rather shocked at the
>box's contents: http://i284.photobucket.com/albums/l...yfinalcopy.jpg: (not for the feint of heart, please forward to another >member of support
>this applies to you!)
>This is what I get for needing to empty my account? After the wonderful
>relationship we had over the years? Not to mention this poor donkey got
the worst end of all this.
>Is this some type of intimidation tactic (a la The
>to pursuade me to redeposit? Is Stars run by the Mafia and I should thus
>heed the warning? I have three goldfish that will not be able to make it
>their own should I find my demise at your hands...
*sigh* Please allow me to apologise for the botched job that our
intimidation team made of this situation. They were supposed to line the
box to prevent leaks.
Much like my poker game; full of leaks.
As I am the Intimidation Team Leader for PokerStars your situation was
escalated to me; the granddaddy of all intimidators.
My surveillance team have just advised that upon collection of the parcel
from your doorstep, you seem to have placed your left hand on the
underside of the box that was soiled with Donkey leakage. (I deliberately didn't mention this thread in the email so this creeped me out/made me lol).
I can assure you that if you choose to redeposit we will happily provide
you with the Donkey antidote to preserve your welfare. We advise against
self-prescribed Donkey antidotes such as the attached image (in *.JPG
The attached example of Donkey antidote would be too powerful and most
likely result in mathematical advice that appears to be idiotic.
I would like to assure you that your goldfish will be "looked after" in
the event that you choose not to deposit again on PokerStars.