Quote:
Originally Posted by Morphismus
Lol, golden.
I can confirm Screaming Asian served in the military, we were briefly in the same platoon until I received a dishonourable discharge. Each night we would go out without authorisation and kill a few extra baddies, we had a friendly competition who would have the highest kill count at the end of our tour. We would bring back souvenirs from what we liked to call our 'night tours' which consisted of clothing, jewellery, accessories etc. We used our collection to dress up each night in funny clothing and hosted a comedy night for our fellow super troopers (we were in the very top squad at the time). Anyway, I couldn't really keep up with Screaming Asian's kill count or compete with his funky clothing collection. The other militants started to notice this and were giving me crap about it around the clock.
I had to do something to salvage my tethered reputation. One night when he was performing one of his comedy skits, I was perched on the top of one of the buildings next to him with my sniper rifer loaded. I was ready to up my kill count by one and assure his killing machine ways wouldn't go unchecked. I was about to pull the trigger but couldn't keep my aim steady, it's hard sniping while you've got the giggles. Probably why snipers generally operate in serious situations, at least that's what I assume. I temporarily left my position to locate some ear buds. I lined up the shot and BANG, right as I shot him he whipped out a spoon, the curve on the spoon redirected the bullet towards me, hitting me in the chest. Just before I passed out I heard him say 'I could of won that prop bet you know? But friendship is more important'. We had soldier's code of honour bet if either us would get a confirmed kill with a spoon.
The next day I wake up in the dishonour bay, my commanding officer approached me to let me know I was going to be discharged the following morning. He explained to me how Screaming Asian was the only one who fought against my discharge. It almost brought tears to my eyes, luckily I was able to control it. Super troopers don't cry you see. Anyway Screaming Asian, I hope you manage to get that kill at some point down the road, if you haven't already. You're a grade A badass, doing badass ****, killing badass people with bad intentions. Thanks for your service.