leave something better for her, like a bloody condom or a headless doll

I didn't plan for this to be a multi part story but just about every aspect of my life has been influenced by my incredible social ******ation / OCD / whatever other term you classify my mental illness as.

Other examples...

When I was a little kid I some how thought that people could read my mind if I thought with my mouth open. So obv I started closing my mouth everytime I thought about anything that I didn't want people to hear. I still do this til this day. OCD style. Its gets much weirder though. When my thoughts gets stronger, I get scared that they can escape through my nose or ear holes. When the thoughts are reeeally strong I get scared that they will get out through my eyes / tear ducts.

So when I see a mega hot girl irl and start thinking about the things I want to do to her, I pinch my nose shut, push one ear against my shoulder, put a finger in the other ear & close my eyes. Think about what that looks like. Do you have any idea how hard it is to pick up while looking like that? Sort of explains a bit about why I was so heartbroken when I got dumped. It was a miracle that I had a gf to begin with.


Hmmm... what else is weird in my life? Oh. After I do a crap, I can't turn on the tap until the flushing is complete... otherwise the poo comes out of the tap and gets all over my hands (obv).

Also, one time when I was about 8 I couldn't find a sweater but had two pairs of black trackpants. I cut a hole between the legs in one pair and wore it as a sweater. Because paints arent designed to cover your midsection in the way a sweater is, I had to pull up my actual pants really, really high to make the two pairs of pants connect.

While dressed like this I started to have my dirty thoughts. My dad walked in the room at a moment when my eyes were closed, ear on my shoulder, finger in other ear and left hand squeezing my nose shut. He beat me with a boomerang after that.

I'm still haunted by that boomerang. For those who don't know, they are the nuts in the wooden-objects-for-hitting-people category.

Im off to sleep but if thread is still going when I wake up I will post again.

How much do you have to pay someone to shake her and scream about the donuts?

lol i refuse to believe this is real. the boomerang thing is hilarious and disturbing at the same time. By the way.. you should poop in the top part of the toilet where the water is (AKA a top shelf) and really piss your dad off. It will smell forever before they discover it.. then you don't have to wake up so early anymore.

if you planted that many doughnuts surly you have taken a pic or two

and if you haven't...please start now, i want to see the next drop

do you sometimes squeese the doughnut (hopefully Bavarian cream)just enough so a little bit of the cream drips out?

do you ever leave the doughnut upside down?

Perma ban Perma Ban

I found this a pretty entertaining read. I would say seriously, seek help for your own good. But I'll also say this, the inception bit made me laugh. I'd love to know what the girl is thinking after all this. Cruel and all as it is.

sounds like someone's in control of your control issues...

Wow that was hilarious. Voted 5 stars.

If it is true you are one crazy mother****er.

lolololol

hahah nice.. his dad already had the boomerang in hand, knowing he would see some crazy **** when he opened the door.

This is where I stopped believing. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

I don't think that's mental illness. I think that's just committment.

LOL, what?

OP, If I broke a girls heart and she spent the next 8 years silently bringing me sandwiches, which one of us got Mind ****ed?

Jus' Sayin'

I wish I had a donut stalker. I love donuts.

2, 1, 3

pics of gf or ban!

TL;DR



She seems nice.

I'm sure donut girl has various eating disorders now


I actually read this whole thread, nice job op

Pretty hilarious stuff. More please OP.

The donut thing is pretty remarkable.

The poop thing is gross to get your sis beat.

The death threat should put you in jail.



I see the donut thing as relatively harmless. It might be nice to have a donut stalker. But the other stuff you're doing is just to hurt other people. It's not worth oppressing others in life. One day you'll have trouble looking in the mirror if you continue with this behavior.

I think that time has passed....

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.

My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.