Two Plus Two Publishing LLC Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
 

Go Back   Two Plus Two Poker Forums > >

BBV4Life Seemingly Indescribable

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-31-2007, 07:30 PM   #1
NUTZ IN YA MOUTH
newbie
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 35
Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

After purchasing ten fossils from Greg Raymer at the WSOP (What can I say? Fossils are cool), Fossilman invited me to a nice dinner at his country home this past Sunday.

Pulling up to his sprawling estate on a beautiful afternoon, I was greeted by Greg, sitting in a rocking chair, eating a chicken pot pie.

Greg gave me a tour of the place, which was quite impressive. He led me to a dining room, where he said we could wait while his wife prepared the meal.

"Anything to drink, Nutz?" Greg asked, his breasts bouncing rhythmically as he strolled around the table.
"I'll have what you're having, Greg," I responded.
A wide smile formed on Greg's face as he reached for a saucer. "Two glasses of gravy, coming right up."

Raymer and I sipped on gravy and chatted while his wife prepared the meal. Greg reached into a drawer and pulled out a deck of cards.

"A few hands before din-din?" Greg said playfully.
"Oh, Greg, I don't know..."
"Come on," Greg insisted. "No money, just a friendly match."

I agreed, and picked up a tell on Raymer from the outset. When he had a good hand, he'd grab a drumstick in each hand, lift up his shirt, and rub his breasts with chicken. If not, he'd simply eat it. It was easy to exploit, and Greg became amazed when I mucked the second nuts face up. Clapping his hands together, chicken all over his face, Fossilman exclaimed "God DAMN, Nutz! I'd heard you were good, but I didn't know you were THIS good!"

A few hands later, Greg let out a rancid fart and whistled. Into the room came Chris Moneymaker, lugging a bedpan.

"#1 or #2, boss?" Moneymaker asked.
"#2...and you might want to get a second bedpan," Raymer responded.

Chris scurried out of the room.

"Greg!" I exclaimed. "What the [censored] is going on?"
"I'm taking a dump, what?" Greg said defensively. "You think I go in a toilet like some minimum wage scumbag? Hell, no! These are the kind of luxuries that are afforded to World Champions."
"OK, fine," I responded. "But Chris Moneymaker?"
"Huh?"
"Chris Moneymaker takes care of you?"
"How do you know his name?"
"Chris? He was the 2003 World Champion."
"That guy?" Greg said, confused. "Are you sure?"
"Isn't that how you know him?"
Greg, puzzled, responded, "Nutz, that guy responded to an ad my wife posted on Craigslist."

Greg and I ate like kings, and when his wife came back after her 10th trip from the kitchen emptyhanded, all hell broke loose.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, OUT OF FOOD?" Greg snarled.
"There's no more money, Greg! I can't afford to feed you anymore!" his wife exclaimed.
"This is what I grind it out 12 hours a day for?!?!" Greg responded angrily.
"I'm sorry, Greg! You're eating us into poverty!"

Enraged, Greg threw his wife into a cage and locked it. "Come with me, Nutz!", he demanded.

"Oh, I don't know, Greg. It's getting late."
"NOW!" Raymer exclaimed, poking me in the ribs with a loaded handgun. "You're gonna drive me."
"Where are we going?" I asked, terrified.
Greg's eyes narrowed, a deviant smile forming on his face. "The supermarket."

Greg handed me a pistol and a machete as we walked up to the supermarket. "I've got grenades, too. In case things get ugly," he said matter-of-factly.

Greg went to a register and fired a warning shot in the air. "I don't want anyone to get hurt. Just give me what I want and we'll be on our way."

The store manager approached, pleading with Greg. "Take all the money you want. We don't want anything to happen."

Greg laughed. "Money? I want all your [censored] FOOD."

The next 30 minutes are somewhat hazy, but I do remember Greg going aisle by aisle, downing jars of spaghetti sauce, cartons of ice cream, and bags of potato chips. In the midst of the madness, two bagboys who attempted to contact authorities were gunned down.

Greg laid down at the end of an aisle, rubbing his stomach. "God, that was incredible."

Off in the distance, I heard sirens, and decided it was my time to split before I became an accessory. Besides, I was late for my home game.
NUTZ IN YA MOUTH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 07:36 PM   #2
Fubster
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Fubster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,945
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

Where have you been all my life?
Fubster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 07:38 PM   #3
holdme
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
holdme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,218
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

SHOTGUN!

edit: handgun
holdme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 07:42 PM   #4
DMoogle
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
DMoogle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Northern VA, USA
Posts: 7,100
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

That story is so much better since he's a 2p2er.
DMoogle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 07:51 PM   #5
Smell The Glove
banned
 
Smell The Glove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
Posts: 2,394
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

Smell The Glove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 07:53 PM   #6
Borodog
Enemy of the State
 
Borodog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: I Didn't Vote, Bitch
Posts: 25,491
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

Mmmm. Gravy.
Borodog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 07:56 PM   #7
Styhn
old hand
 
Styhn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Them Netherlands
Posts: 1,270
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

Hahah nh OP.
Styhn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 08:12 PM   #8
Actual God
old hand
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,245
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

"Pulling up to his sprawling estate on a beautiful afternoon, I was greeted by Greg, sitting in a rocking chair, eating a chicken pot pie."
Actual God is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 08:19 PM   #9
DaExMan
veteran
 
DaExMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,150
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

lol at the gravey
DaExMan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 08:27 PM   #10
xSCWx
Pooh-Bah
 
xSCWx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Austin
Posts: 5,429
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

This was pretty legendary.
xSCWx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 08:32 PM   #11
O Fenômeno
the phenomenon
 
O Fenômeno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: PBR
Posts: 11,180
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

i am dying right now
O Fenômeno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 08:39 PM   #12
Teh1337zor
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: RIP Sean Taylor
Posts: 7,111
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

A+
Teh1337zor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 08:46 PM   #13
selurah
veteran
 
selurah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Indy
Posts: 2,575
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

Unreal.
selurah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 08:47 PM   #14
Georgia Avenue
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Georgia Avenue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 14,725
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

Decent...nedeed more rapine.
Georgia Avenue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 09:18 PM   #15
jackflashdrive
adept
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: one step ahead of the law
Posts: 907
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

I think your oeuvre has reached critical mass. Now nobody can deny your genius.
jackflashdrive is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 09:38 PM   #16
Nonfiction
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Nonfiction's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Penis
Posts: 12,507
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

This is definitely my favorite yet, sipping on gravy hahaha
Nonfiction is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 09:46 PM   #17
Labarde
Pooh-Bah
 
Labarde's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: eating biscuits
Posts: 4,786
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

hahahahahahahahahhahahaha awesome
Labarde is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 09:53 PM   #18
saucyspade19
banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 802
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

best story I've ever read on 2p2.
saucyspade19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 10:04 PM   #19
wdead
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
wdead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Harlem
Posts: 6,697
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

Quote:
Decent...nedeed more rapine.
lol @ GA
meh @ story
wdead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 10:06 PM   #20
Madman Madman
old hand
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Madman Madman Madman Madman
Posts: 1,363
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

Quote:
his breasts bouncing rhythmically as he strolled around the table
great use of alliteration and imagery
Madman Madman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 10:33 PM   #21
neuroman
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
neuroman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: the space/time continuum
Posts: 9,192
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

ending needs work imo

A
neuroman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 11:29 PM   #22
DannyOcean_
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
DannyOcean_'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: The Bellagio vault
Posts: 28,341
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

i liked the story, but i also like watching soccer sometimes.
DannyOcean_ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 11:32 PM   #23
ghostface
banned
 
ghostface's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Playing golf
Posts: 6,689
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

story blew imo. greg wouldnt do that to my town.
ghostface is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 11:38 PM   #24
loosingplayer
banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 28
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

Quote:
I agreed, and picked up a tell on Raymer from the outset. When he had a good hand, he'd grab a drumstick in each hand, lift up his shirt, and rub his breasts with chicken.
LOL
loosingplayer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 11:41 PM   #25
onoble
adept
 
onoble's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: In why see
Posts: 969
Re: Sunday Dinner with Fossilman

The funniest 2+2 post I have ever read.
onoble is offline   Reply With Quote

Reply
      

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:20 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2008-2020, Two Plus Two Interactive