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Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr

07-02-2009 , 03:15 AM
Beat & Brag - I've been married 22 years to my high school sweetheart

Variance - After 22 years, I NEEDED some more variance. Hey I was due.


tl;dr cliffs at bottom


So there I was, middle aged white guy, outa shape, no game, but desperate to get laid. The lostsoul and adultfriendfinder threads were also inspirational. It was time. I worked out a ton, got myself in shape, got a 2nd pre-paid cell phone, opened up another gmail acct, opened up a debit card, and signed up for the 500 point special at Ashley Madison, none of which my wife knew anything about of course. Then I advanced searched all the women within 50 miles of me and contacted most with a witty proposal to just have a "no strings attached" meal at my favorite mexican restaurant. At 5 points each, I've sent out over 80 contact on Ashley so far. I got maybe 20 replies that looked promising but never lead anywhere.. but I eventually did managed to get 4 real dates from my Ashley marketing blitz.. all of which have been extremely twisted. Sorry no pics.

The first date I had went down in flames. We met at a sports bar. Very cute young black lady around 30, a single school teacher.. and her side job was hosting women's sex toy shopping parties... And she liked going to swingers clubs solo and meeting up with other couples. And she was starting to like me too. She said she would take me to a swingers club and I could have oral sex with her there for the first time in a room with a bunch of other people. Holy cow! But I got too excited, had one drink too many.. and at the end of the night she wanted to go home and I pushed the "oh please can we **** now oh please" game and I know I came off looking like a total loser jerk. Which is probably true. She never called or emailed me after that of course. Oh well live and learn..

The 2nd date was with a very strange lady, BUW (big ugly woman), 40s. I was desperate and was willing to screw practically anyone that had a vagina (quite literally). We met at a restaurant near her house, cause she had coke bottle glasses and didn't like to drive far. Her pic didn't show just how freekin ugly and weird she was. She took medication for leg spasms. But it turned out we both loved sports and had quite a bit in common to talk about, and I somehow charmed her with my witty banter, safe demeanor, etc.. this time I didn't push hard, yet somehow after awhile she agreed to go to a "no name motel" close by. The drought was finally over yes!! I had gotten laid!! There is a God! (no there isn't)

But then the fun started. When we were done and I'm doing the obligatory cuddle afterwords, she suddenly sits up in bed (naked), smiles, and says "I want to sing you a song I wrote about a baseball player I love". And she sings this freekin weird song. And she has all this poetry she's written about sports players and the next week she starts sending me emails with all this stuff she has composed. And she was like "oh we should be friends and do all these fun things together and here come join me on this sports role playing forum where we all pretend to be our favorite sports stars and we go to conventions and stuff".. and I'm like Holy ****! Run away!!

The third lady I met at a seafood restaurant, age 50, 190 lbs, pretty cute, a professional, travels on business, said she hadn't had sex with her husband in over 2 years. After that we went to a wine bar and it turned out she REALLY knew her wines, I learned a lot and wow after a couple of glasses she looked really nice, a true cougar. Again I didn't push it, but that seemed to work and finally she too suggested we go to a nearby no-name hotel. Scoreboard baby! Well sorta.. We're going at it and she's loving it.. but she wouldn't freekin shut the **** up, she's talking constantly.. telling me everything, telling me what to do, asking me what I'm thinking, asking what do I want, telling me what to think and want.. I mean this went on and on.. while I'm trying to nutt off, I realize I'm going to be late getting home, she won't shut up, I get nervous.. and I get a case of ED. I ask her to help suck me back to strength (and to shut her up) but she says my dick taste bad cause of the condom I had on before. Holy crap! I eventually managed to rub one out with her but it was awkward. She'd love to see me again and I just might someday.. no hurry tho. I'd have to bring duct tape tho to shut her up.

So then last week I had date #4, a sweet cute black lady, 175 lbs mid 30s, husband in iraq (contractor), 2 young kids at home, looking for a little fun on the side cause she's bored. She actually takes me up on the mexican restaurant offer.. but then she gets a freeking cheese burger! Anyway she IMMEDIATELY likes me when she sees me.. I'm totally flattered.. I think she looks very nice too and so I'm working my game, which is going better than I've ever exerienced in my life! I mean we've met for 5 minutes and she's like "this is love at first sight baby" abd she's hugging me tight. I'm able to get in lots of good passionate kissing right there in the restaurant and outside afterwords.. People are looking at us, an interracial couple just groping each other in heat, oblivious to the world. She's getting hot, and starts really saying how much she loves me.. I mean she REALLY loves me!?! I'm like "I love you too baby" I will say anything hoping I can get laid of course. Again I don't push it, and we agree to meet next week. Which was yesterday. All this last week we exchanged many emails. Here is the 2nd one I got from her

"I want you to know how glad i am that you're a part of my life.....and that no amount of time and distance could change the closeness we share"

Eek. So yesterday I met her for lunch at a restaurant, and wow did she look nice! We pick up where we left off, she freeking loves me, wants me to promise to always be with her. I'm like "of course baby I love you too" We finished our lunch and headed for the hotel next door.. and the sex was incredible!! I mean we went at it for like 3 hours, she's freekin loving it, we're sweating like crazy, my black woman fantasies are coming true in a huge way, she's loving me, cumming all the time, making me promise to love her forever, telling me how we should only see each other from now on (except our spouses too of course), having just great sex with me.. but she too was talking way too much. Oh well it was still incredible. As we parted she again made me promise to love her forever. "of course babe i love you".

I think its best I stay far away from this one too.



CLIFF NOTES - old desperate married guy signs up for Ashley Madison, sends out 80 proposals, manages to screw 3 women, each one was weird as all hell

Last edited by Telecaster; 07-02-2009 at 03:23 AM.
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:17 AM
tl;dr
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:18 AM
still waiting for pics. . .
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:19 AM
cool story.
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07-02-2009 , 03:19 AM
my friend did this. but hes 22 years old. hooked up with one chick confirmed. she wasnt looney toons though...
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07-02-2009 , 03:33 AM
dude if you are gonna hook up with fat chicks you might as well go to a bar its a hell of a lot cheaper than some site
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by yeotaJMU
dude if you are gonna hook up with fat chicks you might as well go to a bar its a hell of a lot cheaper than some site
Did I mention I have no game? I'm just no good at walking up to strangers and trying to pick them up. I would usually come across as the somewhat creepy desperate loser type. Being married I had no wing men to help me out. Ashley was much better for finding other women, preferably married, that I could attract and seduce in an environment I was more comfortable in (computer email exchanges). I also think its a little "safer" to try and meet other discrete married women, instead of bar babes.. I could be wrong tho.

I paid for this with poker winnings. It was definitely worth it.
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:41 AM
tl;dr

pics or gtfo

ezgame imo
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Bend
Did I mention I have no game? I'm just no good at walking up to strangers and trying to pick them up. I would usually come across as the somewhat creepy desperate loser type. Being married I had no wing men to help me out. Ashley was much better for finding other women, preferably married, that I could attract and seduce in an environment I was more comfortable in (computer email exchanges). I also think its a little "safer" to try and meet other discrete married women, instead of bar babes.. I could be wrong tho.

I paid for this with poker winnings. It was definitely worth it.
wait your not OP...wtf, LOL!!!!! you have a gimmick account 3 years old and just failed!!!
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Bend
Did I mention I have no game? I'm just no good at walking up to strangers and trying to pick them up. I would usually come across as the somewhat creepy desperate loser type. Being married I had no wing men to help me out. Ashley was much better for finding other women, preferably married, that I could attract and seduce in an environment I was more comfortable in (computer email exchanges). I also think its a little "safer" to try and meet other discrete married women, instead of bar babes.. I could be wrong tho.

I paid for this with poker winnings. It was definitely worth it.

Ummm... Did you just trainwreck yourself? Autologin FTL!
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:45 AM
this thread is officially 5 stars now
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Bend
Did I mention I have no game? I'm just no good at walking up to strangers and trying to pick them up. I would usually come across as the somewhat creepy desperate loser type. Being married I had no wing men to help me out. Ashley was much better for finding other women, preferably married, that I could attract and seduce in an environment I was more comfortable in (computer email exchanges). I also think its a little "safer" to try and meet other discrete married women, instead of bar babes.. I could be wrong tho.

I paid for this with poker winnings. It was definitely worth it.
so im confused, is this your gimmick account or is the OP your gimmick account?

Last edited by GiantWalleye; 07-02-2009 at 03:47 AM. Reason: slow pony and op is obv gimmick
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:48 AM
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07-02-2009 , 03:49 AM
this thread will not make it to 1k
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07-02-2009 , 03:52 AM
I like that this is Big Bend.. at least I know who he is.

I was like "who the F is telecaster?? w/e".

Now, I'll actually read the OP.
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by tvent37
Ummm... Did you just trainwreck yourself? Autologin FTL!
omg lol
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 03:53 AM
well done sir
well done

TR gets an A, not an A+ cause theres no pic
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07-02-2009 , 03:57 AM
in on ground floor of soon to be epic thread

oh and LMFAO
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07-02-2009 , 03:59 AM
in on ground floor of soon to be epic thread

oh and LMFAO
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07-02-2009 , 04:02 AM
Quote:
So then last week I had date #4, a sweet cute black lady, 175 lbs mid 30s, husband in iraq (contractor)
Quote:
"I want you to know how glad i am that you're a part of my life.....and that no amount of time and distance could change the closeness we share"
You're gonna get killed by a mercenary when she threatens to leave him for you.
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 04:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by tvent37
Ummm... Did you just trainwreck yourself? Autologin FTL!
Epic self-trainwreck ITT
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 04:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Bend
Did I mention I have no game? I'm just no good at walking up to strangers and trying to pick them up. I would usually come across as the somewhat creepy desperate loser type. Being married I had no wing men to help me out. Ashley was much better for finding other women, preferably married, that I could attract and seduce in an environment I was more comfortable in (computer email exchanges). I also think its a little "safer" to try and meet other discrete married women, instead of bar babes.. I could be wrong tho.

I paid for this with poker winnings. It was definitely worth it.
lol, just quoting this again
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 04:12 AM
but how much did you lose?
Ashley Madison trip report - tl;dr Quote
07-02-2009 , 04:13 AM
BIG BEND WOULD U LIKE ME TO COPY AND PASTE THIS THREAD IN CASE *SOMEONE* PMS A MOD AND HAS IT REMOVED?
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07-02-2009 , 04:24 AM
thread probably spam pimping those little cup cake things, **** dolly and her cup cakes.
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