I deleted stuff. for what it's worth I'm usually against deleting posts for people after the fact but I'm making an (I think justified) exception. Just saying people don't think this is a strong precedent :P

I left xnerd's post. It seems fine to me. if you disagree let me know

It looks like I'm no longer invited.

good job WN

Hang in there brother had to go?
I thought it was inspirational

GL Atak....remember, there are a bunch of us in Mass to hang out with. Just saying.

I've been censored! Where's my goddamn constitutional rights! 1st amendment baby and 8th commandment:

"Thou shall not delete posts from public internet forums."

my forefathers didn't fight and kill indians at Gettysburg in order to found a nation in which forum posts would be deleted goddamn wellnamed Chinese fifth column.

I ain't even fake mad

Thanks, all. I'm hanging in. And I promise more well-like stuff along the way — this part of my life is going to be as interesting as any that has gone before, and some wisdom worth sharing may come of it.

Carry on.

I feel like I've missed something (huge)??

:/

BACK ON YOUR BOAT SPANIARD

wat

I am so glad I can read deleted posts otherwise I'd be well confused

I returneth.

A very brief catch-up:

It does appear to be over between Devi and me. I am not prepared to discuss the details just yet, but I may to the extent they are well-like rather than blog-like; I'd like to curb the (my) venting, as I don't think it's healthy, for me or anyone else, and also because I don't think it belongs in a well. You may ask questions (this is a well) but I may ignore those that get too personal; I'd appreciate it if people could be kind, please, and I-told-you-so's won't do either of us any good. (Including in other threads — seriously, I'd like to view POG as a place I can actually participate a bit once again, but I won't if I'm taking **** about something that's painful to me. Yes, I am too sensitive; yes,I am working on it; yes, I would still ask your consideration.)

For what it's worth, I stand firmly behind my own early assessments of how wonderful and magical everything was — yes, I remain convinced (say deluded, it's fine) that Devi was and in a sense still is the One for me. Unfortunately ... well, let's just go with messing things up having been a joint effort, and at times a concerted one.

So yes, I am still hopelessly in love. And yes, that hurts, horribly.

Please do not ask me to get too personal about people who are not me; if I do it anyway, someone please remind me I said this. Privately is probably best. I doubt I can cajole another mass deletion from the mods, but I will lock the thread again if it gets out of hand (even if it's my fault — in fact, particularly if it is). (And yes, I locked it last time, so anyone thinking that was some nazi mod thing, get over it.)

However, there's more. I am now taking steps to move my life in an entirely different direction, steps that may (let us hope) enable me better to deal with some of the issues I've discussed throughout this well, principally insecurity and self-loathing which may or may not arise out of bipolar disorder. Watching myself deal with the exogenous (to me) ups and downs of the last month, I've seen that I really do have a lot of work to do, though I have come a long way, too. If this had happened fifteen or twenty years ago I estimate the odds that I'd have killed myself at around fifty percent; now it's something I think about regularly but reject, and I don't think it has ever been a real possibility. That's progress, big time, but now I'd like to make the thinking about it go away.

And as I said, I have a sort of a plan for that. Anyone care to guess what it is?

The traveler has returned; the well is open.

condolences

get a job, ldo

Just want to get that out of the way. Guess incoming.

I am going to guess.......


Moving to California to be near Pup and doing tutoring.

May be more hope than guess

You're not allowed to play that game, since I told you already.


Edit: OK, I guess you can play...

No, not moving. And not that it's too relevant but Pup is finally growing into a teenager, which is an additional frustration...

ahh, yay, I actually was hoping that was still the plan. Won't say, though - let's see if other do!

I don't wanna guess I just want you to do whatever it is and then tell us about it after you've done it.

Y'know, as long as it's something good.

Good to see you're back, atak

i wish you the best atak\

i was thinking of you today while watching football and im not sure why

but i was

I'm not going to drag it out too long, but I am going to bed very soon — I've gotten myself on an early schedule and am still in the east; I'm awake only because ... well, that's obvious, I suspect.