ahhh to fall in love again is sweet enough but to fall in love and to think it will be for the last time, and to want that to be true, is a frabjous day indeed

congrats atak!

twice

+lots

INDULGE THE GIRLIES

Yes. And there are different paths to it. That lightning may not have struck immediately does not mean that it is lessened, I think, and love, even powerful love, certainly grows. And, sadly, fades.

To crossnerd's exactly when question: I was captivated enough by the emails to stop looking at other profiles, and by the subsequent day of communication (mostly by text — I have never encountered texts like these, and no, I don't mean sexual, though sometimes there was an undercurrent of that) to pull my profile. But as I said, I've so many times seen the reality not match the electronic version, and I have plenty of capacity to fill in blanks with wishful thinking, so I couldn't really trust it.

When she stepped out of her car I suppose wasn't exactly the moment, though that was plenty lustful. When we kissed (about two seconds later), I was pretty far gone, and I know she was too.

At that point would I have married her? No. Again, I'm headstrong but I'm not an idiot. It was some time over the course of that day — preparation plus a six hour sail — that it sunk in. Some of it overtly sexual, some of it learning details about her (often as she was describing them not to me but to our host), and some just seeing and hearing tiny subtleties, as with the way she interacted with Pup. [I keep typing his name, then catching it and substituting pup — I suppose there may be no good reason for that and that it wouldn't be awful to have it here; oh well, a puzzle for another day.] That may have been the most powerful, that and her dealings with our host. I can't describe them all, or really any of them in a way that makes it makes sense, but it was therein that the kindness and consideration was most manifest.

Throw in her clear intelligence (I'd put her in the 160s, if you insist on numbers, and experience suggests that I'm pretty good at estimating these things), and, let's be honest, her looks (I may post a picture at some point, but I think I'll need permission for that), and I was primed, but I don't know when exactly it went from "everything is right for this to be it" to "this is it". I think she'd say about the same, too — it was instant, earth-shaking attraction, but somewhere over the course of the day that attraction became "don't leave me".

For me: lightning strikes have occurred twice; another relationship grew into a truly wonderful love, and a fourth was somewhere in between those things.

I have also loved — but sharp distinction between that and been in love with — some others, but I think what that means is that I've loved certain things or certain ways of looking at them or what have you. There are, I think, three friends to whom I will say "I love you" and who will say it back (each is female, and in fact each either an ex or someone with whom there is a strong sexual undercurrent; I have no really close male friends, and haven't for thirty years). And we absolutely do, but there's no sense that we'd say we're "in" love.

I'll be interested in others' responses to this, so please, no one hold back just because the thread title says atak.

I would say I was in love with my ex-wife when we got married, but I damn sure wasn't in love with her when we got divorced 20 years later.

I had lived with a woman for 2 years earlier and at the time thought I was in love, but looking back I doubt it.

So 1 time.

Calloo, callay!


I will have much more after today and this weekend, but I think I'll have to spoiler it so the guys won't retch or something.

(No need to spoiler) its pretty awesome.

I hope the same happens to me sometime

I hope the same happens to you, andy — and to everyone. I think it's possible some people don't have the capacity to be shocked out of their worldview like this, but more likely that everyone can, it's just that the walls are sometimes very high and very thick.

If it happens to me I'm still waiting years before marrying(if ever). Genuinely being in love is not enough. That can change.

I believe you

5

ooops, thought this was the pub

CONGRATS ATAK!

5 seems to be our lucky number.


atak,

I'm very happy for you. I understand quite well where your at. It wasn't quite as instantly for me but right away I knew things were different and my twitter followers on POG also knew but I never really shared it with POG.

I think a lot of the skeptical people are misunderstanding you slightly. They seem to think your going to rush off to Vegas and get married when you haven't even suggested that. I'm guessing but actually marriage is probably a year away.

I remember when I was giddy and wanted to tell someone, I called my best friend from childhood and he basically asked me if I was retarted. He views marriage as a sinkhole for half your money, he in an aircraft mechanic and he travels the world banging call girls. When I explained to him that I wanted to do it right when having another child, he explained that you don't need to be married to have a kid.

But it was important for me to hear. It didn't bring me off cloud 9 or make me feel any less in love. What it did do though, was help me better take inventory as our relationship grew because it reminded me of my value system and how I was choosing to go a different path.

I realize that you are more self aware than most people and I'm not skeptical at all. I think this is the best thing to happen to you since pup. Women are great motivators and I think this is what you needed to get your career back on track.

Congratulations and enjoy the feeling. I miss that early euphoric high that you are feeling right now but its also nice when it grows to a deeper bond.

Great post, Mac; thanks.

Off to the airport soon. Such a strange day — I went over pup's course catalog with him, later on I'll have to talk nicey-nice to his odious mother so I can be involved in his impending meeting with the school counselor (he's attending a new school this year), and then the worst event of every year, his departure at the end of the summer.

Then I head off to meet my stepdaughter-to-be, go to some yoga event with [name] (I don't know the details at all, but she says she's going to introduce me to her world), and finally, spend the night for the first time.

There won't be many like this.

Cheers all, and again, thanks for the kind words, here and privately.

congrats, atakdog

This is how I'm picturing this relationship.

But Atak, I hope you keep your wits about you and I agree with what others have said about taking it slow (relatively). I saw you say you don't think you're manic right now, but I think even someone without any history of being bipolar can be subject to a bit of mania in a situation such as this.

You're engaged and I wouldn't expect you to back out on that, but I don't see any reason to rush into things and I think you guys should enjoy and get to know each other for a while before having to even think about commitment. I think that is more fun and a safer course of action should things not work out for whatever reason. It also might be easier on the kids to introduce this change to them gradually.

I'm not trying to be a downer just trying to help, and it seems the wheels are already in motion so this might be after the fact. Either way, best of luck to you.

Edit: You don't seem like the engagement ring kind of person but if you decide you want to buy one, I can give you some advice on buying or at least point you to some resources that are really helpful for selecting a good diamond/ring at a good price.

I say take it fast.

She is the one with the money, all you have to lose is your mental stability and you lost that decades ago.

seems like you are having the time of your life and **** the haters

haha, take it fast and take it hard, baby.

Crossposted in the Hifi well?

Best advice in the thread.

Make the most out of it Atak and best of luck.

this is amazing

congrats atak

not that you would, but pay no attention to anyone telling you to slow down or be cautious or any such nonsense

This might be wahoos best post ever

Five.