Hi. This is my third walrus; I hope to see many of you out there! Without further ado, here are the details:

Technical stuff

1. The deadline is set on September thee 4th at 5PM EST, i.e. two weeks from now.
2. The reveal will start about 1-2h after the deadline.
3. With the exception of September the 9th, which I will probably skip, I guarantee one reveal per day.
4. Reveals will typically start at 6PM EST, but 1-2h delays might happen.
5. I will use a flat scoring system.
6. I am especially happy to see youtube or soundcloud links, but anything that does not require me to register an account is fine (see category ix) for exceptions). No spotify, please.
7. I will not judge the video that comes with the song.
8. One time during the game you are allowed to change one song from your entry, but only as long as I have not started revealing the relevant category.

Categories

1. A song that is sung by a male-female duo.
   
2. A whole lotta piano.
   
3. Black comedy.
   
4. A multilingual song.
   
5. A song with melancholic music.
   
6. A cover that is better than the original.
   
7. A song that features exclusively non-English lyrics.
   
8. An instrumental song.
   
9. Either submit a song from a videogame OR submit a song from a TV series.
   
10. Either submit a song that has at least 10 million views on youtube that you think I have not heard, but would enjoy OR submit a song or track performed by yourself.

Explanations

1. The song should not contain singers other than the duo in questions. It is fine for one singer to be given slightly more vocal time than the other; it is not fine for one of them to dominate the song.
   
   Good example: Les oiseaux qu'on met en cage from Notre Dame de Paris.
   
   
2. Can be an instrumental, but does not have to be. The piano must be the dominant instrument in the song or the track, but it does not have to be the only one. Classical music is fine, and you want to submit a long-ass sonata, I probably won't mind.
   
   Good example: let's go with Let it Be by The Beatles.
   
   
3. I love black comedy. Do not worry if you think the lyrics might cross the line. I don't care. On the other hand, I will not award extra points for extra gore. The song must be good, and it has to make me laugh.
   
   Good example: I got it from Agnes by Tom Lehrer.
   
   
4. Any language present in the lyrics should make a significant part of them.
   For example, this version of "Clouds of Camarillo" by Brazzaville and Minerva is fine, but "Call Me" by Blondie is not.
   
   Good example: Cloud of Camarillo by Brazzaville and Minerva. It is linked above.
   
   
5. Please note that I wrote "melancholic music" and not "melancholic lyrics".
   You may -obviously- submit a song that features both. Instrumental tracks are also allowed.
   
   Good examples: The time when you let go by Hem and 3:45 No Sleep by The Cardigans.
   
   
6. If I like the original more than the cover, points will be docked. Sorry.
   
   Good example: King of the Road, perf. by Josh Turner and Randy Travis.
   
   
7. In one of my previous walruses, some joker submitted a song from a non-existent language. That, too, is allowed.
   
   Good example: too many to mention. Let's go with Via del Campo by Fabrizio de André.
   
   
8. No explanation required.
   
   Good example: Heartbreaking by Angelo Badalamenti. This track would have fit four categories, by the way.
   
   
9. No explanation required. Do not bother to submit the soundtracks from Braid or NieR: Automata. I love both, but I know them by heart.
   
   Also, instrumental tracks are allowed for both parts of this category.
   
   Good examples for video games: anything from Braid or NieR: Automata, obviously (but don't submit those!).
   
   Good examples for TV Series: Main Theme from 17 Moments of Spring by Mikael Tariverdiev.
   
   
10. If you submit a song you performed, please avoid sending me downloadable files. It has to be something anyone can watch in two-three clicks.
    
    If you decide to submit a song for the 10M+ category and manage to find a link to higher-quality version of that same song, you may submit that link even if it does not have 10M views (but I must be able to easily find a youtube link of the same song with at least 10M views. If I do not, I will award you 0 points).
    
    Good examples: difficult to provide any.

Bio: I'm a 32 y.o. male. I was born in the Soviet Union but have been living in Italy for about 27 years.

My knowledge of modern music is extremely lacking; there is a chance I have not heard a hit song you think everybody has. However, see "taste in music" for disclaimers.

My poor musical cultured means that you might find my write-ups unsatisfying; if you do, it will not be for a lack of trying on my part.

Taste in music

Here's the link to the reveals of the two twowalruses[/url] that I ran on this site.

I think clicking on these links could prove very useful to understand what I like and what I don't.

Moreover, I have already participated in a few walruses:

Duckburg's trololopalooza (warning: embedded youtube videos. Open at your own risk).
captain binkles' walrus.
tappokone's walrus.
LKJ's walrus.
Monkey Banana's walrus.
Bloobird's walrus.
27ninjabunnies' walrus
Banks and Jenny's walrus. Had to use a pastebin link since Banks and Jenny did not reveal their walrus.
Walrus superstars.
Bloobird's "Turbo" walrus.
fnord_too's Matrix Walrus (reveal is still ongoing).

If you cannot be bothered to click on everything, check my submissions to the Banks and Jenny walrus.
It's definitely my best one in terms of submission, if not of results.

If you're too lazy to click on any of this, find some pointers below:

1. Do not submit rap or hip-hop. You are almost guaranteed to come in last place and I might send you dick pics.
2. Do not submit Queen, Beatles, David Bowie or ABBA, or songs from NDDP or Les Misérables. I love them all but I want to hear something new (also, see 8).
3. House, soul, trance, techno are extremely high-risk genres. Heavy metal is a slightly lower-risk genre, but it is still hit-and-miss.
4. I LOVE the piano.
5. Not a member of the potato and lampshade team. Deliberately unpolished, slow and ponderous indie stuff (stealing this definition from Gadarene) leaves me rather indifferent. It probably won't come last, but chances of podiuming are also questionable. I happen to like well-polished songs, thank you very much.
6. This will be obvious to whoever clicked on the links above: classical music is fine. Classic rock is fine. Instrumental and foreign-language submissions are fine, unless the category description says otherwise. However, songs in Italian and especially Russian are higher-risk entries for obvious reasons.
7. I have not prejudiced against progressive rock and, more generally, long as **** songs. However, if I don't love a song, listening to it for 10 minutes will definitely not make me like it more. Exception: classical music.
8. I am running this walrus bc I want to listen to new music. So I will reward songs that I have not heard beforehand. Moreover, if I decide that you should have expected me to know the song you submitted, you will be penalized (specifically, your song will only score higher than the facemelters and the rap/hip-hop submissions). Clicking the sign-up thread of my previous walruses should help you a great deal.
9. Music=>vocals>>>lyrics. All three are important to me, but I might turn a blind eye to terrible lyrics if the music and or the vocals are exceptional (the black comedy category is the obvious exception). The opposite will not happen. Unpleasant music or vocals are always a deal breaker.
10. I am not saying you have 0.0 chances of winning with a song described in points 3 and 5. High-risk submissions that I unexpectedly end up linking will be rewarded appropriately. However, they are called "high-risk" for a reason.

I think I'm in the lead.

posting to remember to in

I'll sub. I know there's some wonkiness on certain YT videos don't work in Europe, which I'll try my best to work around - if one of the links doesn't work for you, let me know and I'll find a different one.

Will probably send someone else's dick, possibly with Fournier's disease FYI.

I think I found the solution to this problem during my last walrus by changing "youtube" to "youpak" in the link whenever this problem showed itself. So don't worry about it too much.

I feel like someone who went to a fancy restaurant and received their order after 7 minutes.

I feel like the owner of a McDonald's who has just poured his heart & soul into cooking up an awesome McRib, only to be told that this isn't good enough because the customer expected filet mignon.

Maybe the customer was complaining that his McRib was too well-done... ie as hard as a sole.

(I have never eaten ribs in my life, so idk if well-done is a thing that matters with McRibs...).

Ribs are pretty delicious. They have almost nothing in common with a McRib, which is basically a rib-shaped patty with some sort of meat or other covered in bbq sauce.

The important thing to note is that I tried to deliver you an entry you would like, despite there being 0 chance that any song I have ever willingly listened to would be something you would want submitted.

How do you feel about one piece of music being submitted for multiple categories?

Sorry, but I am not going to allow it.

Excellent choice, sir.

In, expecting the full range of scores.

The other day I came across a song with rapping in Klingon and my first thought was "Great, now I just need a Walrus with a multilingual category."

But I don't know if the song would score any points.

But think of all the dick pics it would earn you.

With his taste of music and these categories, going full troll might be my only play.

will submit

will tank

i don't know why i do this to myself

I definitely liked some of the stuff you submitted to previous walruses.

I will submit if I have a chance to pull things together over the next few days

3 entries so far. 12 days to the reveal, so those who wish to enter should probably start looking for songs.

submitted with a few risky choices

UD, at least one of my choices could test your preference for good music and good vocals over good lyrics

As of right now, you are guaranteed at least 4th place.

sent