Quote:
Originally Posted by treenom
I don't really know where to begin, but my goal is to get good feedback from the player and the spouse of the player. Please post a reply if any of this sounds familiar... I have played poker professionally(80% online) for over 8 years. The early part of my career was a grind, with much to learn of bankroll management. My knowledge of the game continued to grow, as did my ability to manage funds. There were times when I knew i could not cashout until my roll was large enough to comfortably do so, leaving room for downswings and variance(inevitable). So I got better, and my roll grew, and i spent/invested accordingly.
So, I'm at the height of my poker career, money is no issue, and i begin to re-enter the world outside of poker(my life was spent in front of a computer or in a casino), and I was enjoying life. I met my wife, we made plans for a future together with a family... All was planned and I thought life could not have been any better. We had our daughter in July of 2009, and life DID get better. We made plans for another and found out that we were pregnant in Feb of 2011! What could possibly rain on our parade? We would always be this happy, right? The DOJ and US government had other plans... Black friday was the most devastating thing to happen in my life. Whilst the majority of my roll was on FTP(still waiting to see if I will ever get that), life went from being "acuna matada" to "desperation mode". It took until just recently to rebound from this whole debacle, and selling my house to have a bankroll was my only saving grace.
We are now moved into a new home, and it appears life will soon be as it was prior to BF, but there are so many concerns I have that my wife does not share. I try to remind her of all the struggles we just went through, so history does not repeat itself. I want to enjoy the spoils and "make it rain" on my family. I did before and I will again, but I want to be more conservative going forward. It seems as though we live broke, and I make enough money to never be. I do not want to be dishonest about cashouts or have a "secret" bank account that my wife knows nothing of, but I feel strongly that I must be in control of how the money gets spent to ensure it lasts. I'm sure every woman wants a card that can be used any time there is something they "gotta have", but shouldn't I be able to ask for frugality without expecting anger and attitude? If my wife were a poker player, she would understand bankroll management, and I would probably trust her more because of it. She is not, and understands little of br management/balancing a budget. She does not understand the extra tension and pressure that I feel going into a session each time when I just get the report of what the bank balance is or what was a "deal" and "had to" be purchased.
How do I know that there isn't another BF/sky is falling scenario waiting in the near future? What can I do to provide financial security for my family apart from spending less and saving more? Am I doing it right? Should I always leave enough money in a "secret" account to battle back with, if life throws another curveball? There are so many other issues with poker and relationships that we could discuss and learn about, but this seems to be most urgent for me. Is there a "rule of thumb" on life bankroll management? Like, "Only buy a pair of shoes if it represents 1% or less of my bank balance"??? Please post thoughts, ideas, and experiences on this matter. Thanks, Jamin
Eat! Drink! Be merry! Black Friday will never happen again, right?
FWIW, this is how my wife and I handled it:
I played part time for a while. and occasionally I would give my wife $100 or whatever when I did well in a micro tournament. I always wished that I could build a bankroll and make something of poker, but she said that we needed the money now. Since poker wasn't my "real job", I didn't push back.
Later, a series of things happened over a few years, including a car accident followed by my employer closing. Since I couldn't work for some time after the accident, I started playing more, about 20 hours a week. After a while, I told my wife that I would like to make poker my full-time job.
She had already seen me win some money, so she knew it wasn't a completely crazy idea for me to make that change at my age (55.) My wife makes more than I do. She has a good job at a hospital, with great benefits: 401K, health savings account, medical, dental, optical, perscription, the whole bit. So I didn't have to have a "real job" to get a benefit package.
We talked about it, and this is the deal we made:
My wife was already writing the checks, so she could keep control of the finances, pay the bills, and give me an allowance while I took some time to build a bankroll. (It was tight, but she made enough to keep us going.) She has complete control over how her income is spent. I have input, but she makes the call. We are both frugal and working toward being completely debt-free, so that's not an issue with us.
She understood the concept of poker bankroll management, but she couldn't get her head around how large my bankroll needed to be to produce a good income.
Since I understand poker bankroll management, and need to live with it every day at the tables, I control all of the poker money. I use some for myself (so that she doesn't have to dole out money to me anymore), and the rest goes four places:
1. Family checking account and to improve our situation.
2. Growing the bankroll.
3. Investing in the business (software, hardware, books, office supplies, etc.)
4. Quarterly estimated income tax payments.
I make all decisions about how much money goes into which category. She has input, but it's my call. I might never make more than my wife, or I might eventually make several times what she does. Since I'm an MTT specialist, and given the variance that goes with that, it's possible that some years my income will be larger, and other years hers will.
In his book,
Treat Your Poker Like a Business, Dusty Schmidt addressed the bankroll issue. I wish that I could quote him, but my Kindle battery just died, and I'm charging it.
Before poker, Schmidt managed his parent's toy store, and he was continually frustrated by inventory problems. His father liked to keep inventory cost down, and the store didn't stock many of each item. Often they would get an order for something like 100 dolls when they had only 20. They lost a lot of orders that way, and Dusty couldn't convince his father that if he wanted the business to grow, they had to carry move inventory.
Schmidt's point was that for a poker player,
cash is your inventory. Without it, your business can't grow.
You and your wife aren't on the same page at all. You know that you need a bankroll, and she wants to get her hands on that money. You're a saver, and your wife is a spender. I think that the only solution is an intermediary that you both trust. Whether it's a married salesman (or spouse of a salesman) who understands your situation, a marriage counselor, or a pastor, you guys need to resolve this.
In the give and take of negotiation or counseling, there is one thing that you can't bargain away. You can disagree about total spending, how fast to get debt under control, or how to spend your money. That can be worked out. But you MUST control your bankroll. Your wife MUST understand (or at least agree) that you can only spend part of what you make playing poker. Look again at my 4-point list. All of those things MUST be covered. You can negotiate on how much money she can spend (as a percentage of your monthly winnings or whatever), but you MUST protect your business and your bankroll.
Don't make it complicated, to the point where you're talking about the bankroll implications of buying a pair of shoes. You're a lot like a salesman on commission. You don't know how much you're going to make each month
A salesman doesn't just hand over money to his wife (or her husband) to do whatever she wants. A salesman has to have a reliable car to go to his appointments. He needs good clothes, and a laptop to track his appointments and expenses. He has to keep his business going. So do you.
I suggest that you give her either a percentage of what you make each month, or a fixed amount each month (to be increased if your income increases.) Don't have a secret account. Be honest. Tell her that there will be good and bad months, just as there are for someone who sells cars. Show her the graph. Tell her whatever she wants to know. She might not care, but giving her a better understanding of what you do certainly can't hurt.
I'm going to be blunt here. Ultimately, if none of this works, you might have to make a choice between your wife and your career. You're a poker player. You made a good income before black Friday, and you found a way to keep doing that after Black Friday. You can't just quit and get a similar job at another company.
I'll say it one more time. GROWING YOUR BANKROLL IS NOT NEGOTIABLE. If that's a deal breaker, you have some decisions to make.