Quote:
Originally Posted by wazz
Can you expand on
'I want to be straight.'
ok ill try
Quote:
Originally Posted by spaceman Bryce
I am not the type of person who can say everything he thinks because everyone will hate me when I do
When I was 8 I had no idea what gay was or sex was or anything like that being a bit on the sheltered side at that time. A relative of mine was reading a newspaper and it had an article about homosexuals but I didn't read hardly any of it I was just looking at the picture; it was a picture of two feminine gay guys. I pointed to the picture and asked my relative who those people were and he said "they are a bunch of queers." to which I replied " ewww, queers are gross."
Then he said "Thats right! Those perverts belong in jail."
He interpreted what I had said as extremely straight looking back on it,
but it wasnt that way at all. I had no idea what gay was or anything, but the guys in the picture had bloodshot eyes from doing meth for two days or something and badly misapplied make-up(clowns) and drooping mascara and were old and probably picked for the picture in the newspaper to spread apprehension about the lgbt community and whatever conservative views the newspaper was saying;
I was judging those guys by looks. looking back on it I wonder what it would have said if the picture had been of lets say matt bomer, "wow queers are cool" or something.
I was always attracted to masculinity and since I had never met an actual gay person(or at least an openly one) that stupid picture and my relatives words combined to create an image of what gay was that I didnt like. Most people I knew said gays were bad so as a young person I trusted their authority on the issue. By the 2000's there are like a million gay people on tv but that used to be more fringe and the ones on tv were less open about who they were.
This can create a subconcious opinion that somehow being attracted to guys is wrong. I have often thought to myself that I could live a normal life with a nice suburban house and wife and just put all my romantic and sexual feelings for guys aside. Should I say something or shouldnt I say something? I make this choice each day and decide that its too difficult so I decide to wait until tommorrow every day for years. It would be a lot easier to be straight especially for me so thats why I wrote that in reasons not to post list.
I was going to write some more but im kind of sleepy and making myself feel sick and dont feel like writing about it any more. I hope that makes some kind of sense.