Layman from a family of psychologists here: insecure attachment is when you don't feel emotionally connected with your parents

Attachment system is just the psychobabble term for why humans seem driven to form interpersonal relationships. Attachment relationships are more than friendships, though - they serve, essentially, as a way for people to feel protected and secure with other people, which helps perpetuate the species.

Secure attachment means that you are not anxious about interpersonal relationships nor attempt to avoid them. There are various forms of insecure attachment that involve attempts to avoid relationships, anxiety about relationships, or both.

Parents are our first attachment relationships. Most people have networks of attachments that involve family, romantic relationships, and close friends. In order for a relationship to be considered an attachment relationship, though, the relationship has to serve certain functions, and full attachment relationships take a couple of years to form (usually).

I has a story!




ok so, I jam with some friends on friday nights. one of them is a notorious "gay player" or whatever. He's not gay .... afaik, he's married and has like six kids. He's just one of those guys that plays around like that. So anyway, I was over there jamming with them, and we don't have a P.A., so it's impossible to hear my voice over the guitars and bass and drums. So he comes up to me and gets in my face trying to hear what I'm singing, and then he bites me on the neck.

I was like ..... zomgz!



.... now, I want a guy to suck on my neck


:x

In a "you wouldn't have seen this ten years ago moment", has anyone seen the new Kindle commercial? There's a man and a woman chatting on beach chairs and trying to read on their devices, he on his iPad and she on the Kindle. Of course he's squinting and the Kindle is awesome and blah blah he orders one and says something like, we should celebrate.

She smiles and replies "My husband was just bringing me a drink."

And he responds, "Mine too".

Then they both look over their shoulders to see their men talking to each other at the bar.

Just the simple act of putting a gay couple in a commercial like it's normal is just one of those things that shows that, slow and painful as it may be, progress is being made. It's not the first commercial to feature gay and lesbians, of course, but it caught my attention by specifically mententioning the gay couple was married.

I just saw something about this on a blog today. Not sure what channels, if any, it's playing on TV, but was very very cool regardless.

Were you able to continue singing? I think I would have nearly died.

Yep, saw it. Didn't remember what it was for, was just shocked that they chose this path. I'm hoping it wasn't done for that reason -- a gimmick to make the commercial more memorable. I mean, it told a good story and getting to say "mine too" was a nice line, so it is memorable for that reason outside of the "can't believe they did this" reason.

Overall, though, I liked it. Made me smile.

Apparently Amazon is well known for being an advocate of equal rights and marriage equality (according to some stuff I read last night about reactions to the ad). So this was obviously a deliberate attempt to link their company with equal rights, although only the most naive of us would try to argue their motives were purely altruistic. It instantly makes the commercial more memorable and generates conversation.

I mean, it's not going to make ME buy a Kindle (I'm the guy squinting at my iPad), but there's also the risk of some negative backlash from conservative groups now deciding to boycott Amazon.

Edit: It's also sad but also obvious from some of the comments about the commercial on various sites that there are still plenty of people who think gays are gross/disgusting, and that showing them as if they are (gasp!) normal people in a commercial is trying to force a deviant lifestyle into the homes of good wholesome God fearing people and destroy the family/marriage/America.

Love these posts:

"Unnatural? So is the computer you typed that comment on. You want to know something interesting? Homosexuality occurs in over 450 species in nature. Homophobia occurs in just one. Interesting, isn't it? A 449:1 ratio of dispute that homosexuality is natural versus unnatural.

In fact, you could say that homophobia itself is unnatural."


"I think you need to figure out what the word 'natural' means. The definition is "Existing in or caused by nature; not made or caused by humankind". Homosexuality occurs in nature, uninfluenced by humankind. Therefore homosexuality is natural. Homophobia was created by human beings and does not exist in nature. Therefore: unnatural."

That actor's rugged good looks give me a:

yes....yes...totally that.

Had a bit of a strange experience the other night, and hoping you fine folks could lay some wisdom on me...

The backstory is that there's this girl who I find very attractive, but she's mostly straight (she's said that she finds some women attractive and thought about being with them from time to time, but has never actually been with one) and has a long term bf (who is also a friend of mine), so I don't think that she would ever want anything to happen between us and I wouldn't let anything happen that could jeopardize their relationship.

Anyway, last night the two of us go to a concert together, we have a few drinks (including multiple rounds of shots, which she bought even though I was otherwise sticking to beer) and she starts grinding on me while we're dancing, holding my hand when we go to the bar, etc. Now, if she were gay and/or I were a straight guy and she were single, I would have made a move and definitely kissed her at some point in the evening, but because this is obviously a different situation, I just kind of relaxed, let her initiate the contact that did occur, and things didn't go beyond the dancing and stuff.

I have a lot of questions about this situation, but I guess my main ones are:

- Was she actually flirting, or, because I'm a girl do you think she was just acting in the way that tipsy straight girls sometimes act with other women and therefore might not be aware that I might read a sexual subtext into things?

- How should I handle a similar situation if it comes up in the future? I'm certainly not opposed to some innocent flirtation but I also don't want to catch too many feelings for someone that I can't realistically be with, I don't want to do anything that might make her bf upset if he heard about it...

- Did I play it ok by not shutting things down while also not helping them to move forward?

My guess is this, and therefore...

yes.

My guess is that her initial comments to you about having some same sex gender attraction are true. And since it sounds like you are out to her, maybe she's been thinking more about that. And then she got drunk and that allowed her to initiate some contact she might not have otherwise done.

I think you should talk to her about that night. Just casual/non-confrontational, but you need to be honest. If you'd be willing to explore with her some, tell her that but tell her she should be upfront about that and not use alcohol as an excuse. If you don't feel like you can do anything like that with her because you don't want to risk your own emotions with someone who is unavailable for a serious relationship, tell her that. Basically just casually ask something like "So what was up with that night?" and be honest about what you're thinking/feeling.

Not sure how common it is for straight women to grind on their friends like that but I've never been much of a club/dancer type person so maybe that's just me. I mean I danced with friends in college but it never got seriously grindy with other women.

hey guys,

created a throwaway just to post here, but i regularly post in bq on my main 2p2 account.

im 18 now, but somehow I was attracted to other guys since I was like, 12 or 13. got called lots of names back in middle school, when I was about 12, and always cried before going to bed. suicide was always an option lingering in my mind. told myself that that was a phase, that i'd 'grow out of it and mature'. was always attracted to guys and not as much to girls, not sexually (well at least that wasn't the biggest factor) but more emotionally, that guys could have the thing whereas some girls couldn't provide (no sexist intentions)

fast forward to 17, and im in high school. friend made a psychology thesis on the effects of bullying on the human mind, that it could distort the mind in some way where it could affect ones sexuality. btw, he is trans (girl->guy), and I had a talk with him, and he said, yeah totally bullying may have an effect on one's sexuality.

18 years old, and recently ive gone into porn, yeah gay porn. I feel like crap everyday after indulging in it, because of work I drifted into it, and somehow began to feel more insecure than ever. I've tried to resist it, but I've always relapsed.

I'm just really caught in the middle of everything now, having no idea what to do whatsoever. I've began feeling slightly more attracted to girls in general, but in my mind nothing beats the situation of my straight best friend telling me he loves me.

oh, and also my dad is a pastor in church so you can pretty much forget the whole coming out thing. I'll pretty much get disowned by my family. He preaches that gay people are yadayadayada...

wonder what you guys think of this messed up situation. prob just another 'random teen kid who's experiencing first world problems'

No, this sounds worse than that. First, if you're still having suicidal thoughts, you should seek real, professional help. It's dangerous and sucky to feel this way all alone.

Second, you need to accept yourself for who you are before you can expect others to. It doesn't sound like this is just a phase or the result of bullying -- you are who you are and you can't change that. Plus, there's nothing wrong with you, so there's no need to change.

Third, even if you can't get your family's support, you still need other people. Sounds like you have at least one friend you can talk to? Otherwise, if you are in school of some sort, there's likely some GSA or LGBT group available. I've never been to such a group, but if you're in need of people you can be open with, that seems like the right place.

Finally, spend more time in this thread. We'll be here to listen and help in anyway we can. I found that being out on 2+2 was nice and gave me an outlet before I could come out irl.

Agreed with all of this.

Also check out www.reddit.com/r/lgbt , lotta good info here and an amazingly supportive community.

Know that you are wonderful just as your are and you are not defined by who happens to turn you on. It isn't something you can control and is something that can be very confusing and very fluid.

thanks for the concern guys. yeah, reddit is really helpful too.

yeah I do have some people that I'd share with. I've told some girls about this, and they couldn't be any less bothered about it, other than the occasional 'aw really? thats sooo sad. but hey this one time, my friends bought this...' and if I told a guy about it, I'm really scared that he would think of me less of a friend than I currently am to them. and every guy I get close to, regardless of sexuality, my mind ends up thinking/creating lustful situations with my friend. thanks scumbag mind. the community here's rather anti-lgbt too fwiw.

told my dad my story from a 3rd person view, and he said 'my gosh, your friend or whoever is experiencing this is really screwed up and needs a psychologist. he's mentally ill, thank goodness you're not that guy'. I still love my dad though.

Move as soon as humanly possible

Are you planning on going to university/moving away at any point, even for a short juncture? Breaks from your normal or 'comfort zone' have helped me sort out some of the things you mentioned. I grew up in an extremely liberal city, knew I was attracted to guys for a long time; but throughout HS thought girls could do it for me, never really dated a girl, but there were some things I thought might be crushes...turns out those were teenage hormones mixed with being best friends with several girls, figured that out pretty much 3 months into heading to university and came out, although I always accepted the fact that I was either bi or gay, so slightly different there I guess.

Bullying does have an effect, on self-esteem, etc etc, lots of studies, having dealt with my share (for being nerdy/odd more than gay) it's something surmountable, feels like **** but years later it barely lingers, at least for me and Im in university so it hasn't even been that long...granted I still want to go back and have words with some of my HS classmates lol

Sounds like you have some awesome friends though! You'll figure out that being gay or bi or wtv is natural/fine in your own time, and in the meantime that's what friends are there for as well as forum threads/groups on 2p2!

EDIT: A side note, but I always find re-assurance in understanding something completely, look around online for all the LGBT positive things, especially from faith-based groups given what seems to be your region's background. There's a lot of positive stuff out there, and depending on your parents denomination it is of note that Gene Robinson is the first openly gay episcopal bishop, in many Christian organizations/groups there's a lot of LGBT support...just not in all of them.

Time for a bump, I think.

Anything happening with this?

Btw, went out a few nights ago with my friends and took my roommate along. On our way back home, he said something like "I've only known her this one night, but [name of the female friend that was the first I came out to] seems really into you. You should pursue that."

I couldn't think of a follow-up other than, "actually, I'm gay, so..." so I went with that. He said something like "hey, it is what it is." Then we talked about other things and the subject hasn't come up again. He was pretty drunk though so who knows what he remembers from the night. At least this should reduce the awkwardness of bringing a guy home now, so glad to be over this hump.

Yeah, I've been wondering about this too. I don't really know what the gay bar scene is in Vegas, I'm not much of the bar scene type.

However, I usually hit this cool piano bar on East Fremont called Don't Tell Mama which has a good mixed crowd and is very gay friendly (duh, it's a piano bar!).

Anybody local have some suggestions?

Shauna

"is very gay friendly (duh, it's a piano bar!)"

What is this supposed to mean?

Le' Gayz loves them some piano'd showtunes, Elton, Cher, etc.

There was a cool piano bar in Houston a long time ago. It was fun and people actually sang!

so I know this is a thread for glb people, but are there any trans poker players around ? ive never heard of any