Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 7
Hey everyone, I have recently gotten into writing about various topics and have decided its time to man-up and face the utter **** storm that is BVB. So far I have mainly written about my experiences in poker. I am very new to writing and any constructive criticism would be appreciated.Here I will share some experiences from my time as a poker backer.
I have staked players both live and online for many years now. It has been a challenging, frustrating, fascinating and rewarding experience that taught me a lot about people, business and poker. It has helped me to make some great connections and form some life long friendships. Overall, I would say staking has been a successful and enjoyable experience for me. However, it has not all been sunshine and rainbows. Things like dealing with scammers, having to work with horses who act out and unscrupulous co-workers certainly made life more difficult.
I have received thousands of different applications in my time as a backer ranging from the good to the bad to the downright ugly. Some made me laugh, some made me cry, some left me scratching my head, some made me question the whole existence of humanity. I will avoid posting the applications that were barely intelligible or fully unintelligible, instead I dissect some applications that I did understand and just wish I didn’t.
Exhibit A - The arrogant Dutchman
When I started out in staking I mainly staked Dutch players as I was more familiar with the Dutch poker community. There are a lot of stereotypes about common dutch personality traits - liberal (true), complain a lot (only when it’s justified!), straight talking (damn right), stingy (guilty), proud (i’m awesome). Another common trait is arrogance and while not all Dutchies are like this, this one most certainly was. This application has been translated from (bad) Dutch to (hopefully) good English.
“I’m (name removed) and I am giving you the best offer you will ever have - the chance to stake the best player you will ever work with.”
He’s certainly coming in hot with all guns blazing! Well you got my interest now, so let’s read on.
“Why am I giving you this opportunity of a life time? I am not just a fantastic poker player, I am also a great business man. I plan to start my own business and this will cost a lot. I want to use my own money for this and not need to worry about needing a bankroll for poker.”
Thank the stars that not only is he the greatest poker player of all time, he also has superb businesses acumen too, thus allowing me the ‘opportunity of a life time’ to stake him. Cha-ching!
“My stats are ok, but they only tell half the story, I ran bad a lot of times and my computer sometimes crashes and my net is bad. I late reg a lot too. Sharkscope doesn’t tell you everything I know for a fact I am the best by far.”
Ok, #real talk. This is something I noticed with a lot of bad apps, and in particular with bad Dutch apps, the endless justifications for their stats not being as good as they think they should be. If your stats are not as good as you think they should be because you are playing your C game the majority of the time due to other factors, then until you change those factors your C game is your A game! So please stop with this rationalization, it only makes you look worse, much worse.
“When I play poker I think I am on another level to all the other players. I am steps ahead. Very often my opponents can’t handle me and tilt their chips to me. I know how to use my chips like no one else, when I get a good stack I bully the whole table around and keep my chip lead. I am fearless and I always make the big bluffs that others are too scared to do. People tremble when they sit with me. I make soul read calls and folds all the time. I have an iq test showing a score of 148 (genius). ”
I’m no psychologist but I’m going to take a wild swing here and guess this was one of those online IQ tests that then ask you to pay money to find out more about how much of a “genius” you are. Too bad the test dint also include a score for narcissism, he would have smashed the ceiling.
“I don’t really need staking anyway, but I would like to give you a chance to make some serious real money with me. You better act fast because I have a lot of interest from backers. This offer will expire in 24 hours. Greetings!“
How generous of him to come to me with this great act of kindness and charity. I was feeling tired of making only fake money, so it’s great to finally have the chance to make some real money! A 24 hour time limit? Very nice of him to give me so much excess time to decide, I had the money ready to ship after reading the first sentence, I just hope none of the other stables have snatched him up first!
Thanks for reading (if you made it this far). (un?)fortunately I have received a lot more bad applications in my time and so if I get enough feedback and interest I will post more of my "best" worst applications over the coming days. Cheers!
