Move out, IMO

I live away from home 8 months of the year as I'm in university (going into my last year). My parents are actually pretty cool in general, just don't accept things they don't understand. She now jokes about me playing poker, which I'm fine with. I think she gets that I wouldn't be playing if I didn't know what I'm doing...at least after having a long conversation which transpired after the one I posted.

Haven't read this thread, is there anywhere where best stories are all quoted in one post?

Here's mine:

I go to get my hair cut and the girl who normally does it is out of town so I get trimmed up by a nice woman from Macedonia. She has been here for 5 years and speaks English pretty well. About 10 minutes in the convo is flowing, I know what is coming, and she asks what I do. I tell her I play poker for a living, she responds "are you good?". My new solution to stupid questions about poker being to bs and just go with them, I say "no, not really".

She replies "Oh you should not be playing if you are not good then. My cousin, she was married to man in Macedonia. He has all this money and is doing these nice things and nobody knows where the money is coming from. He was winning the poker but he could not keep it up and he lost it all."

This is one of 5-6 standard dumb replies everyone in this thread has seen/heard a million times over, but then she goes on: "He was crazy for the poker. He tried to sell his wife and kids to people in Macedonia so they could do whatever they want to them. He failed, and my cousin, she make escape to Australia. He then owed money and tried to, how do you say, make a suicide, but he was not success in this either."

I say, "Wow that's terrible, is he okay now?".

She replies "Yes he is alive but he has ran to Africa...and he is still crazy for the poker."

Her parting words "Be careful"...aaaaaaaand I'm never telling anyone I play poker again.

I just recently met a hot chick who is cool with poker. So much so, she asks me to send photo's of the home game while it's running.

She then responds by sending photo's of herself to me in all sorts of provocative clothing and poses with titles such as "Poker or poke me?"

I obv choose poker and then go to her house afterwards and crush her.

My boss kept telling me to not get addicted. Every time I replied it's not addiction if you're winning.

But did you crush the home game?

Not sure if this applies to you since you spew off all your mtt wins on high stakes hyper turbos

How are those $700 tournaments treating you?

Im just jelous

My family is from Arkansas, and my grandparents could have a conversation like this:

"Are you fixin' to mow the lawn?"
"I reckon I could do that."

I love the different US southern dialects. I remember when a women in my army unit explained that where she was from (rural Kentucky), "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

So you chose to play at your $20 S&G home game rather than bang your hot gf? Seems legit.

Awesome.

The most LOL! Headbang! moment I've had was with this one "friend" I have @ karaoke who started talking to me about how the casinos were all gonna throw me out for counting cards & no matter how many times I tried to tell her that counting cards is a blackjack thing she kept repeating herself, saying how she had friends who did this for a living and SHE KNOWS HER $HIT!!!

Silly me, having played and dealt poker for a living & never catching onto teh card counting!

I've been playing for a living for ~2 years now. This conversation keeps coming up and it destroys my will to live.

Person: 'What do you do for a living?'

Me: ' I play poker'

Person: 'How long have you been doing it?'

Me: 'Around 2 years'

Person: 'Are you up?'

Me: 'Are you brain dead?'

If I answer 'yes', they ask how much...if I say 'what do you think?' they explain how the house always wins. And I guess if I answered 'no' it would confuse them somewhat, but maybe it would outline how ******ed their question was.

Also, peoples misunderstanding of the term professional just blows my mind.

Person: 'SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. You're a PROFESSIONAL poker player, but you're NOT on TV? You can't be very good/you don't seem very professional'.

*playing a tournament at university online*

I live on residence, so people come and go all the time.

them: HOW DO YOU HAVE. $24,657 on the table?!?

Me: just Baller as fuq, you know how it is.


Loljks I'm in a $5.50 tourney.

The best one was when the Uni ran a free poker tourney and people knew I played.

Jesus Christ that was the worst.

Guy across from me: "this one time I got rivered"

At this point I'm trying to work out how hard I have to slam my head against the table to bleed out.

My response to people who say things like this is to just say, "That seems statistically impossible," with a straight face.

So far, nobody's seemed to catch on to the fact that I'm mocking them.

I've had this happen to me before. I was at the final table of a $33 mtt on stars as chip leader. I think I had about $100,000 or so in chips. My female friend naturally freaks out and asks if that's real money. I say of course it is. She asks if I have so much, why don't I just quit. I tell her it's because I want to take all these people's moneyz so I can buy awesome ****.

From then on out she thought I was a total baller. Pretty positive she was DTF, but I never acted on it. Oh well, I binked my first Stars donkament that day

The power of the pussy.

Live 1/2 ****** donk the other day floats (he didn't know he was floating)

$50 pot on the river and he bets $10

Guy snap calls him and makes
The donk show first, donk shows 5 high.

I've played with the guy who is opposite before, about the same age.

I say " Hey bro, you know if they do floats here? Like coke floats, fanta, you know"

Everyone at the table who gets the joke pisses themselves.

Noobs just scratch their head and wonder what's so funny.

Live poker.

Greatest.

DTF?

Lemme guess, you made a girl believe you're rolling in doh and you didn't nail the vag before she finds out otherwise?

Down to **** bro

Meh, chick was 4/10. Ended up ****ing a hotter girl who thought poker was evil.