try it from my claim to fame on here. nothing like playing live and having some young 2+2er figure out who I am and then announcing to the whole table my former profession.

The biggest mistake I made was telling one of my really close friends the stakes and I played and then having him ask me to borrow money. I ran into a guy a I know from high school at the casino the other day. I watch him lose every dollar he brought with him at blackjack and then ask me to borrow money.

My mom lectured me about all of the people I am "stealing" from to make money.

And my roommate asked me like 10 times if he could give me $200 (a huge sum of money to him) and double it for him. I told him I needed 20k to make it worth my time.

To strangers, I usually play it off as a hobby and focus on losing money playing small stakes for fun.

lol, good call.

no, but we are best buddies actually.
bangkok4life

A lot of people have asked me "but if you can't pick up tells and reads and everybody knows how to play, how can you make any money? Doesn't everybody just play right?"

It's also awkward when people ask me if I have a gambling problem: I tell them yes, but fortunately poker is a profitable way of taking care of that. They look at me like I"m lying to myself.

Also, I just graduated from Yale. I've lost count of how many of my schoolmate's parents or my parents' Jewish friends back home ask me "You went to Yale and you're playing poker?!? What a waste!" I try explaining to them it wasn't a waste because Yale's where I learned how to play cards. It never gets less awkward getting these judgmental looks from old conservative people who have no idea how poker works and think I'm basically playing tiddly-winks for a living.

FF,

Ask your friends parents to coinflip for their yearly salary.

Insane. I guess this means she knows you're winning.

If possible, elaborate on this lecture please!

got a guy telling me tons of bad beat stories today at my class ( I even told him when he asked if I played poker that I've played at a home game once )

His worst ever was when he got stacked at 200 NL at the casino when he slow played JJ perfectly every street on a 10 high board check calling the whole time, then pushing on the river when the king hit the river and the guy had K 10 omfg K 10 how can he play that AKDSHFKASDKFH

Yes, she knows I'm winning. She is very religious and believes in an "honest" living. Winning at poker is getting something for "nothing" and puts you in a mood of trying to prey on the weak and gullible to take their money.

A Home Game, consisting of myself, my wife, my wife's boss's husband, and a bunch of her coworkers

In the middle of the game, my wife's boss walks in.

Boss: What are the wild cards?
My wife: There aren't any.
Boss: Why not? Doesn't that make it more fun?
Coworker: It decreases the skill and increases the luck involved. Wild cards are way too good in hold'em.
Boss: Isn't it just all luck anyway?
Boss's Husband open-pushes on an A82 board
My wife: No, not really.
My wife calls, shows 88.
Boss's husband shows 33.
Boss: YOU WENT ALL-IN WITH JUST A PAIR OF THREES, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING???
My wife: See what I mean?
Boss: What are you talking about? It was pure luck that you got dealt that hand.

beautiful story.

My sister's bf is telling me bad beat stories from his homegames EVERY TIME I see him. I was watching the WSOP live on PPV and he wouldn't stop talking... I couldn't hear a ******g thing and I was blatantly ignoring him and constantly turning up the volume... grr

this is a great thread. Man, there's a lot of pent-up rage out there about playing poker for a living. I haven't seen anyone mention this yet, so I figured I'd throw it out there:

I don't tell people I play poker because I play poker.

seriously... I can't believe how many of you have this conversation with waaaay too many people. friends and family are one thing, but everyone else? it seems like the younger guys take shots from all angles, so I can understand wanting to strike back once in a while, but you’ve got to find a better way to cut the conversation short than “you play with my pocket change.”

(guys with nervous girlfriends' fathers… at times like that, I always find it helpful to remember that I’m banging his daughter )

however, just like talking about PT and 2+2 is -ev online, telling the whole [censored] planet that you play poker is -ev "live." don't get me wrong, i'm all for the sense of superiority , but let your derision turn to laughter on the inside. you know these people can't play, so why ruin the illusion for them? after all, most times they really do play with your pocket change.

play poker with your co-workers. shave those sheep, many times. gain respect and workplace currency. eventually word will work it’s way up that you’re pretty sharp at the card table, and you should have an opportunity for advancement.

be mysterious with women. tell dudes even less. as long as you have a roll, you'll get plenty of ass and respect in social situations. as you all know, women love the gambler thing – and they love mystery even more. random dudes? see above, re co-workers. If you want, you can even skin those sheep the first time out. their ego will mandate that they play you at least once more, and you can tax them again. also, random guys aren’t gonna lose money to you more than ~3 times in a row, so you might as well push your edge while you can.

i’m sure most of you guys have hustled at least one person in your lives, whether it was pool, darts, beer pong or online gaming. And that’s excluding the huge numbers of people you’ve hustled at the poker table. imho, poker strategies and tactics apply quite well in a ton of real-life situations. there’s no need to turn that part of your brain off during the day. get into dick-measuring contests and belittle other players on party poker or 2+2. otherwise, remember, a little modesty/quiet confidence can go a looong way.

PS. the two guys near the end of the thread, do your wives have sisters?

phenomenal post, f4s.

Here is a good one I got the other day from a friend I havent seen in a few months.

Friend:"You still playing poker?"
Me:"Yep"
Friend: At the casino?"
Me: " mostly online."
Friend: "I dont know about that online poker. I mean how can you beat a computer?"
Me: "LOL! Are you being serious"
Friend: Yeah. I dont understand how you can actually beat a computer in the long run."

The look on his face after I explained it to him was priceless. I cant believe he thought that this whole time!

HAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAA

sponger wins

I had a girl at work (a lot of people know I play) tell me "you think you're winning, but I bet if you tracked it all, you'd be down".

Strong urge to send her pokergrapher screenshots repressed.

My folks made me supper happy when they totally understood almost every aspect of it when I explained it to them.

You're the one in a million...

My mom: "You won today? Withdraw it. Now. Before the government bans online poker and they keep your money so you can't take it out. What's to stop them from doing that?"

You: these silly things called national and international laws keep them from doing that, but other than that nothing stops them

Take the bet for her yearly salery.

is this a true story?

Your grandfather calls you Python49?

i love this thread.

The 'if i give you £300, can you double it for me?' thing is something I've got before.

Here's me and my housemate's friend. Is he stupid, or just thinks that I'm stupid?

Me: 'what would you do if i lost it all?'
him:'do you lose?'
Me: 'yes. it happens'
him:'well if you don't win, just give me my money back'
Me: 'so where's the profit for me?'
him:'you can keep half of what you make'
Me: 'Er... so if I win, I give you half and if I DON'T win I just give you your money back?'
Him:'Deal?'
Me: 'Or... no deal'

I just fell of my chair laughing.

OMG, this thread is pure gold, I agree with so much of this BS.

Seriously, the fact that I have so many firends who know a little a bit about poker, but think they know tons makes it so much worse.

Here are some of the classic that I get VERY regularly(yes, some willl be repeated from earlier in thread)

- Are you up today?
- If I give you 300, can you double it
- What happens if you lose it all(typically from my sister or other females)
- You dont play for money do you? you dont want to get into gambling everyone will lose eventually and it becomes an illness(from my parents who dont know I have lived of poker since leaving school).
- Whats the ROLL on(from my mates who think they know about poker)
- Are you going to build up a stake and take a shot at Vegas(idiotic firends who have seen rounders
- How much are you up overall


meh, probably others I have forgotten

pure gold