****Too Drunk and Tired to Make an April Fools-Themed LC/NC Thread**** - Page 42

Just came home from a 13 hour workday to a house full of women.

Working man: what's all these women doing here?

Gf: I invited them over for a girls-night, 2 of them will be spending the night.

Working man: Why didn't you tell me, I have friends coming over for Champions League tonight.

Gf: I'm sorry, didn't think you would be home before tomorrow.

Working man: So does this mean you didn't prepare dinner for me either?

Gf: No, sorry, but we have enough salad for both you and your friends, you can come eat with us.

Working man: SALAD? It's Champions League night, we're not gonna eat ****ing salad.

Gf: but what are you gonna do then?

Working man: We're gonna order some pork, watch football and get ****ing drunk. Deal with it. (working man grabs a beer from the fridge and leaves the room)

She is trying to give you subtle hints about tossing her salad. Are you blind?

Last edited by fidstar-poker; 04-19-2017 at 01:55 PM. Reason: hmmm. rereading it, I think she wants all your friends to do it as well...

04-19-2017 , 01:56 PM

#1028

FranFran

Fran and stuff

Join Date: Jun 2014 Posts: 20,451

04-19-2017 , 01:56 PM

#1029

AlwaysFolding

Urban Pharmer

Join Date: Oct 2016 Posts: 19,980

group salad toss!

04-19-2017 , 01:57 PM

#1030

FranFran

Fran and stuff

Join Date: Jun 2014 Posts: 20,451

so thats how you make sperm sauce

04-19-2017 , 01:59 PM

#1031

AlwaysFolding

Urban Pharmer

Join Date: Oct 2016 Posts: 19,980

Quote:

Originally Posted by FranFran

so thats how sammy and only sammy makes sperm sauce

fyp

04-19-2017 , 02:00 PM

#1032

thabighurt35

**** you Monday

Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 11,588

Quote:

Originally Posted by HandsomeMan

What is this about you being 1/4 Danish? Is that true?

yes, my mother was half German half Danish. My father was half Italian and half Cuban.

My fathers father was Cuban so I got a Cuban last name and I get to put Hispanic on all my applications but I got pasty ass white skin from my mother.

Last edited by thabighurt35; 04-19-2017 at 02:00 PM. Reason: Also, Cuban B

04-19-2017 , 02:00 PM

#1033

HandsomeMan

self-banned

Join Date: Feb 2015 Posts: 1,359

Quote:

Originally Posted by fidstar-poker

She is trying to give you subtle hints about tossing her salad. Are you blind?

Bull dust! Fiddle has kangaroos loose in the top paddock

04-19-2017 , 02:01 PM

#1034

thabighurt35

**** you Monday

Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 11,588

Quote:

Originally Posted by HandsomeMan

Americans don't watch Champions League

you are correct, we watch real sports, not that silly soccer game

04-19-2017 , 02:01 PM

#1035

AlwaysFolding

Urban Pharmer

Join Date: Oct 2016 Posts: 19,980

Soccer is for people without arms.

04-19-2017 , 02:04 PM

#1036

HandsomeMan

self-banned

Join Date: Feb 2015 Posts: 1,359

Quote:

Originally Posted by thabighurt35

1 cool point awarded for being part Danish. 2 cool points deducted for being part German.

04-19-2017 , 02:12 PM

#1037

suitedjustice

Advantage: Slots

Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 10,162

Quote:

Originally Posted by thabighurt35

I am trying to avoid any mood altering chemical. And I haven't enjoyed smoking pot since I was 19. Prob the last 5 times I have tried it, I did not enjoy it.

Yeah I liked the pot better when I was younger. It's more likely to induce paranoia as I get older, but I still like a puff or two now and then.

04-19-2017 , 02:15 PM

#1038

AlwaysFolding

Urban Pharmer

Join Date: Oct 2016 Posts: 19,980

It seems as if Mr. tbh is coming from the "once you start it's hard to stop" avenue of abstaining/"one thing leads to another" mentality.

Mr. tbh has experience. Mr. tbh knows some things.

04-19-2017 , 02:42 PM

#1039

thabighurt35

**** you Monday

Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 11,588

Quote:

Originally Posted by suitedjustice

Yeah I liked the pot better when I was younger. It's more likely to induce paranoia as I get older, but I still like a puff or two now and then.

Dead on, now I just zone out for a period (depends on how strong), then I get really paranoid, and then I eat like I just got out of a prison camp. The fun part never comes anymore

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlwaysFolding

It seems as if Mr. tbh is coming from the "once you start it's hard to stop" avenue of abstaining/"one thing leads to another" mentality.

Mr. tbh has experience. Mr. tbh knows some things.

well you see, ime drinking leads to more drinking, which leads to benders (see previous vegas TR's) which leads to skiing, which leads to even longer benders. It's just a matter of time.

plus I really suck at the whole self control thing so I am trying to binge on productive things like working out, eating healthy, educating myself, gambling and whoring

04-19-2017 , 03:00 PM

#1040

AlwaysFolding

Urban Pharmer

Join Date: Oct 2016 Posts: 19,980

Quote:

Originally Posted by thabighurt35

well you see, ime drinking leads to more drinking, which leads to benders (see previous vegas TR's) which leads to skiing, which leads to even longer benders. It's just a matter of time.

plus I really suck at the whole self control thing so I am trying to binge on productive things like working out, eating healthy, educating myself, gambling and whoring

+1 for bolded

+infinity for italicized

04-19-2017 , 03:38 PM

#1041

Morphismus

BBV Poker Player of 2022

Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 24,331

04-19-2017 , 03:45 PM

#1042

Morphismus

BBV Poker Player of 2022

Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 24,331

04-19-2017 , 04:48 PM

#1043

thabighurt35

**** you Monday

Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 11,588

im out bitches

04-19-2017 , 04:50 PM

#1044

AlwaysFolding

Urban Pharmer

Join Date: Oct 2016 Posts: 19,980

Quote:

Originally Posted by thabighurt35

im out bitches

Let me be the frist to congratulate you.

Congratulations you ****ing bum you have no job. Proud of you.

04-19-2017 , 04:50 PM

#1045

Mr.mmmKay

Drugs are bad...

Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 20,203

gl hf

04-19-2017 , 04:55 PM

#1046

Sheep86

****Too Drunk and Tired to Make an April Fools-Themed LC/NC Thread****

Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 6,661

04-19-2017 , 05:23 PM

#1047

Natamus

Tripped and Fell

Join Date: Nov 2013 Posts: 16,388

Quote:

Originally Posted by fidstar-poker

Last time I had antibiotics was when I went to the doctors with a sore ball. Thought I had nut cancer. Turns out it wasn't.

No penises were touched on purpose by the doctor. Though 2 balls were.

My brother just had this happen! Thought he had a tumor but it turns out
That his little girl jumped on his back a few weeks back and bruised his kidneys. The kidneys let some infection get through the blood and it went to the lymphs and nestled into the warm embrace of his nutsack.

His wife was busting his balls for days about nut cancer it was sort of brutal but hilarious.

04-19-2017 , 05:25 PM

#1048

Natamus

Tripped and Fell

Join Date: Nov 2013 Posts: 16,388

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlwaysFolding

It seems as if Mr. tbh is coming from the "once you start it's hard to stop" avenue of abstaining/"one thing leads to another" mentality.

Mr. tbh has experience. Mr. tbh knows some things.

It's too bad too b/c the one time I would be compelled to ski (hanging with a degen in Miami) is when the dude is trying to go clean like a soon to be new father.