i sit @ a rando 1/2 table just to have some fun with a mate for a few orbits. Standard mix of tag asians and derpy middle aged white guys. One of the aforementioned ~40yo's is sitting on a fairly large 200bb stack and is playing ultra nitty passive fit or fold every god damn hand.

This doesnt bother me...what TILTS me to my bone marrow is that he was playing some spastic ****en zynga poker type app (except his version was offline) on his smartphone the whole time. Sitting there tanking a decision against 6 other ****ing computers on a play money app. Chuckling to himself every time he made a cheeky steal against the computer opponent and briefly looking up to check he was still on planet earth and inevitable fold his hand for the 9000th time in a row in the real game going on

Wut? This is pure enjoyment.

Though it would be tilting if the player was saying it like " U-T-G " and actually spelling out the letters rather than saying " Under the gun "

I'll try to keep this quick- at 1/2 last night there were two limpers, I open AJ from LP, they both call, flop J74r, villain fires out $12 (a sneaky, well-disguised, advanced move we call the "feeler bet" ldo), I call, other guy folds. Turn A completes the rainbow, villain checks, hero bets $30, villain bumps it to $90, hero calls in order to let villain bluff off rest of stack on river. River 7 bad bad card he goes all in for like $150, I start ranging him out loud and talking the hand through, not in a douchey "what can this idiot have" manner but from a purely strategic standpoint. I say something like "if he flopped a set of 4s its gg anyway, but the only other thing that makes sense is a hand like QJ or KJ trying to fold out a chop here." I make the call.

Villain turns over 73ss and says "well, that wasn't a hand you put in my range, was it?"
Then, a couple of minutes later, "That was a really lucky river, though."
and then, "But you have to give me credit for that river bet."

STFU YOU LIMP/CALLED 73ss CHECK/RAISED TURN WITH 3RD PAIR AND HIT A TWO-OUTER ON THE RIVER WHERE CAN I GET AN AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF YOUR BOOK

Ouch, similar thing happened to me last night at local 1/2 cesspool.
Except villain had the audacity to yell at me and say 'HOW DARE YOU CALL ME WITH TOP PAIR TOP KICKER OBV I HAD TRIPS LOL'
Slit my wrists right on the spot

my friend looks pretty young, he's 21 but can pass for younger.. gets called the kid or some variation a lot, and he really doesnt like it... one time when we're playing, old crusty reg comments "looks like the kid is raising again".. everyone laughs, my friend gets frustrated, tells the dealer hes mad because people not in the hand are discussing his play (not sure how valid this complaint is tho, and it probably had more to do with the fact it was pissing him off for reasons other than game integrity) but anyway, a few hands later old crusty reg is in a pot doing his standard calling station impression, my friend looks at him and says "looks like old man winter is check/calling again" and the old guy erupts in anger scolding the dealer for condoning inappropriate table talk. dealer was laughing as well as most the table, but cmon what a double standard.. ****ing self entitled old people

This is what tilts me the most. Playing $1/$2 and flop top set against an overpair. Get it all in on the flop and villain complains and complains how unlucky he is and how he can never win a big pot and how unfair the poker gods are against him. He tells me nice hand and how lucky I am against him. All the while he spikes his miracle card on me on the river and goes, "hey sorry man, thats poker for ya!"

Makes me wanna shoot myself!

guys who think we are on ESPN and Hollywood every move...

I fly off the ****ing handle when passive old nits snap shove the river when you've checked to them after the worst possible card in the deck hits. Could you make it more obvious? This happened to me today in a tourney after the worst hand that I have ever played in my life occurred.

It's early, Average stack 16,500 chips. We started with 15K Blinds 300/600. I got about 14K.

Hero is middle position raises to 1800 with KQo
2 callers, 1 OOP and the old nit in position.

Flop (~5400): 964r
I was about to give up on the hand but I figure these cards probably didn't hit any of the nits.
1 checks, I bet out 2700. The nit call and the other guy OOP folds.

Turn (~11K, I have about 10K left): K

As I've been pushed around all night after showing weakness. I decide to check hoping he would bet so I could shove. He taps the table with an open palm, basically telling me "I got nothing and I would have snap folded if you bet anything".

River: 9
Now I'm absolutely disgusted. I check and he snap shoves "ALL IN" as if he had just been woken up from the death. A smile arose on his face. WTF am I supposed to do here? He put his chips in so fast as if he didn't even care if he got paid, just that he got the card he wanted and he rather take the pot than make an additional nickel of value.

The 40-50 year old guy at my casino that wears a full tilt poker jacket zipped all the way up to his chin, reflective sunglasses and a baseball cap every single time I see him. I've never seen him sitting at 2/5, he's not friendly at the table and takes forever for simple decisions as if the rest of the table can't comprehend the number of factors he has to take into consideration. Some old guy bet like 50 into him on the flop when the old guy obviously had AA/KK and left like 100 behind, this dude calls with JJ and spikes a jack on the turn and immediately gets it in with him.
Old guy is like "can't believe you'd call fifty dollars for a ten to one shot" (lol 25:1?) and the guy says "I knew you had aces."

It all began to make sense.

Preflop pot is 1350. I got about 10K and getting fed up. UTG limps for 600 chips. Folded around to me on the BTN, A2. I was getting fed up so I shove.

UTG (the lady) is taking forever and giving her expert analysis to the table, "Why would you shove you're not even short. This isn't making any sense at all" - "Ah f*** it I gotta go home", as she slowrolls AQo into my face.

Flop:

River:

Being able to lecture her on how she lost because of the bad karma from slowrolling warned up my soul like freshly baked doh cookies.

Why are you "ranging him out loud?" Can't you think without talking?

lol

People that refer to pocket pairs as "two queens" or "two twos" instead of "pocket something"

whats the rest of the story here?you obvious called... tell us

I hate when people start ranging out loud to justify a call.

I folded. Regretting it.

Playing BJ in a casino. Meet a guy and his son who are from my home town.

Guy gets dealt 8 3. Takes a card. It no double. Dealer is showing a 6 and proceeds to bust

I asked him why he doesn't double down. He says "I don't want to be greedy." tilted me to no end.

I lol-ed at this.

I had a guy at my table today, producing the weirdest sounds with a bubblegum. He was popping multiple bubbles inside his mouth, with the mouth wide open (ofc), and it was so loud that I wanted to murder him on the spot.

I rarely get tilted by anything, but I swear to god, this sounded like having a croaking toad on my left shoulder.

I believe this has already been posted, but I think it needs to be posted again.

When people refer to any two cards as "pocket." Example: "Man I had pocket AK why did you fold?" "I always win with pocket AQ!"

This tilts me to no end.

Take my monies

Grunch

When two nits both have pocket aces and take twenty minutes to get it all in preflop! It's always a raise followed by minutes of hollywooding then a min raise followed by more horrible hollywooding leading to another min raise etc etc. I do take joy in their general sadness and shock when they find out thay have same hand.

Egotistical d**khead whose last comeback was "I play 10/20" when he argued with me about folding QQ postflop on a 2-9-T rainbow board when another player called my 3b pre and c/jammed all in for 100BB ($2/$4 blinds). If I had the roll I would 8 table this guy online on 10/20 HU

HAHA