I cant stand the old guys who talk strategy at the table.

Your theory on limping with AK and why you hate the hand, is wrong. You old ****.

Knowing that my performance falls well short of EV. Granted, I don't play enough at any meaningful stakes (at least 1/2 or 1/3) to make up a sample size, I once kept a log in a house game.

I know that against any two cards AA should hold up 87% of the time. But in years of playing the actual percentage is closer to 75%. The statistics simply don't hold up for me.

Or I'll be late in a tourney and some guy will shove with KQo. I'll instacall with AK, I've got him. He's drawing to three cards in the entire deck. Three miserable queens. That's it. And if a king comes he's finished. But of course the flop comes queen, rag, rag and I get crushed.

It's not that I don't make money playing poker. It just kills me to know that I should be making so much more.

When people limp UTG some jack*** raises and the millisecond it gets back to utg he snap shouts "RAISE!!". And 10x's it, Ok guy we get it, you're brillant you're so tricky with your AA/KK.

Oh and obv I'm always the jack*** iso'ing with 64suited vs the UTG limp.

When a player busts you in a super-ultra-mega-standard spot and then has to go into a half an hour conversation with himself (usually everyone is busy ignoring) as to why his play was correct, usually whilst talking about you like your not there. "Well I felt I had to call him with my AT when he shoved for 3bbs on the button because blah blah blah" F*** OFF!!!!

Or when, you get coolered in some massive pot and some prick at the table who kinda knows you but doesnt really says "do you know what I had? I had AQ! omg i'm so lucky I folded pre! It was a good fold right?..." Dude, I don't give two s***s what you had and I have no intention off sucking you off by telling u that your megastandard fold was amazing, especially when I just lost an 800bb pot. F*** off with your rubdowns and go back to your bullsh*t nitrolling whilst scamming your free sandwiches you broke two faced little c**t!

this is the thread to vent in amirite?

played the 1-2 NL pokerz at Barona,( never do that by the way, worst nitfest I have personally ever experienced) and some dude has a calculater at the table trying to figure out what the table share would be if we hit the bad beat jackpot. I wanted to punch his bitch ass. We ain't hitting the bad beat, just play some cards. the buy-in is $20-$100 at this game, everybody just sits around waiting to hit the bad beat, which obv. never comes.

ugly cocktail waitresses

Omg omg!! I have to tell you about the place where me and a couple of old war buddies of mine play 1-2. It's generally a light game and we end up winning or losing 25 or 50 bucks on a given night.. That is when it's just the uaual gang.

But on those nights when a stranger makes the mistake of sitting at our table, we know that add-on to our house is going to get built tonight. These guys come in after having read all sorts of books and reading internet forums and you can see it in their eyes they are fish out of water. They are about to get a poker lesson, they just don't know it yet.

We all change our play to accomodate this customer by pretending to get upset when this guy raises our limps and we fold a hand or three. Two of us make it a point to discuss strategy and we make sure to use faulty logic when we do. You can see it in the fish's eyes that he thinks he's going to be taking this game down real easy like. We purposely play slow and make sure to count out our chips carefully after saying we will call.

But each one of our little plays sends him a little closer to the edge and then one of us will lower the boom on him. The customer will make a pretty big raise to our limping and keeping up the act of pretending to be upset one of us will suddenly go over the top and watch the guy's eyes light up and shoves all his chips in with his pocket aces.

The key here to have a hand that can flop a draw and eventually hit. 5-8 or 4-6 is the best hand for this. You might think this is a -ev play but the reality is each time we pull this move we're freerolling from all those times our reraise gets the self righteous goof to fold his A-J or stone bluff.

When we hit our straight it's priceless because we know all of our little plays have tilted this goofy internet player. All we have to do is the literally hundreds of innocent little things that put these arrogant twits on tilt. There's not much so satisfying as watching our customer storm away from the table muttering something about 2 and 2 or whatever it is.

He'll be back though, he thinks we're terrible players. All three of us war buddies have banked thousands of these donkey's dollars and all he has to show for it is the opportunity to post his whining on internet forums and some even mention the name of our casino and sends us more customers... Thanks guys. One guy comes to see us at least once a month. I think he's either getting used to us, or he's sweet on Mable the dealer. She's a nice lady amd when she remembers to put in her dentures she is even quite comely. He's good for at least 5 buy ins a night, but lately we've been taking it easy on him so he doesn't get too frustrated.

I tell you, there's not much so satisfying as watching yet another of the endless line of unsuspecting nits who sit with us and go tilt SOOOOOO easily after we play him like a well tuned violin.

So you all come on down and sit with us any time you want, ya bunch of ATM machines.

snap tldr

cool story bro

Definite level 2 posts above, try harder next time

Oh noesssssss! I've been found out. *eyeroll*

no u

quote

witty reply

restart process

no u

1-0 for leprous imo

yes yes these ****ing morans

Every once in a while for chits n giggles I wear a fake wsop braclet to the tables. Its hillarious the respect I get on my raises. People always ask what event and I say a new one each time. Its double hillarious because I play 1-3 nl.

(This is a thing that tilts them)

people who call ATMs "ATM machines"

My buddies and I call it 'the well'.

Sometimes the wishing well, especially if I know whoever's going to reload is on his way downhill.

I call them slot machines.

Generally I always win at them too. :-)

the vig is annoying tho

lol the best part of the thread are the occasional ****ty stories written by posters that are clearly casino fish that do things that tilt me.

also the riveting tale chap story made me lol.

great.

i hate when ppl says that they generally win at slots

Way too many bad beat stories ITT