This one had me laughing pretty hard.

Oh and I'll add mine: When you show up relaxed and well-rested for day one of a five day deep stack tournament and you're seated next to a 500-pound man who not only takes up all of his table space but half of yours. It goes without saying that he is also coughing and sneezing and hacking up mucus.

so true... in our homegames everybody did that... until i said the rule from now on is if u just show one and not both the same time u lose the pot.... it helped ;o)

A joke told 100 times stops being funny

This is my #1. Please don't eat and handle the chips and cards. I usually leave my chips on the table for like 30 minutes and go eat, or just leave the table completely. It's not like it's hard to find a juicy 1/2 table at The Trop in AC.

you know u can eat w/ your left hand and touch chips w/ your right hand.....just sayin...

Not a problem at the Borgata. No food at the tables=Clean chips, clean cards, clean tables.

Hahaha, exactly this.

And this, somewhere along the lines of "I want to play poker not -insert random game here-".

omfg that flipping over 1 ****ing card thing pisses me off so much. I tell them at least 20 times in the same game to just flip it over, but they are mentally impaired or some**** and they keep doing it.

Haha... this is brilliant. The way it's told I feel like I am at the table. Must have been in the International or the Vic I reckon.

Here's a good one for fun and keep the fish loving the casino experience on a Friday / Saturday night:

If you've called a 3-bet preflop and you're expecting this pot could get pretty big, try this:

Call the 3-bet then put your hands over your face like you're dreading the flop... remember to leave very small gaps so you can see the middle of the table. Sneakily watch the dealer spread the J73 flop and groan and say "urrrrgggghhhhhh...... there aren't any 7s or 3s on that board are there?"

lol, gets a laugh every time, cheers people up and confuses the 3-bettor

I find it very tilting when some player mucks a losing hand at showdow after being shown the winning hand and then another person at the table gos like "ZOMG WAIT, WHAT DID HE HAVE?? WHAT DID HE HAVE?? U GOTTA SHOW THE CARDZ!! DEALER, FLIP OVER HIS CARDZZ! WHAT DID HE HAVE??"

****! Would it be nice to see the losing player's hand? Yes, it's valuable information. Is it nice to do this kinda **** after the losing player mucked cuz he obv didn't wanna show? No!

This behavior have become very common on the poker room I usually play. It was brought in by internet kids that were used to use the hand replayer to look at losing hands and have now spread. Imho this is very bad cuz it can put fishes in spots they don't like, like when they're caught bluffing or w\e.

Also, I don't have much problem with ppl eating at the table as long their food doesn't end up on the cards or the chips. Then I'll have a problem.

the other day when i was playing a 30 ish person tourny which is basically just a turbo, some guy at my table counted every time i went all in as if it was some kind of cheap unfair move LOL, he and all the other fish would keep limping and I would keep shoving. big suprise how i go from shortstack to chip leader in like 3 hands but none of the tournatards at my casino understand chipstacks or turbo strategy. lmao people will have like 3000 chips at the 400/800 level and will limp UTG with suited connecters and stuff.

What I find hilarious is people calling all ins in shallow tournaments with very marginal hands like KTo and flipping with your small pocket pair. Acting as if they made an intelligent call when the flop comes AQJ.

I played at the Vic, £40 tourny which was big for me, basically a speed tourny, I was shocked at how poor people played. People would have 5bb, limp UTG 9 handed, and fold to my all in. At first I only did it with decent hands but then they kept folding so I kept shoving with more hands. People were lol bad. When you go all in all the limpers either sigh, or start muttering under their breath, or say "why do you keep doing that?" before folding angrily.

An UTG limper with 5BB only has 2.5bb once the blinds pass him loool so bad. You can see in their eyes when they are btn they want to limp again and try outplay people on the flop but they realise when you have 2.5bb you sort of have to shove.

Buying in for minimum, shoving in dominated, crying about how badly hes running or how the villian "always has it wtf", buying back in for minimum again and again.

$100 wasn't already on the felt?

No he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet and tried to bet more.

facepalm.jpeg

At mohegan playing 1/2 other night. Asian dude sits down with a shirt that reads "no limit asian player" and he ran so goot over me i wanted to reach over table and bitch slap him

old ugly bitches who try to get into a fight with everyone, and complain when they fold 62 off preflop for 50 bb's and would of won a 400 bb pot, saying oh i knew i would of won and getting pissed off.

stupid kids explaining to me after my set held up vs his running flush/straight draw that he had more outs to his his flush than i did a full house. continued to do this 30 minutes after the hand ended.

stupid asian kid to my right that would take >5 minutes to act even if it was folded up to his turn perflop, he would just play with his cards flipping them back and forth actually took about 20 minutes one hand until someone finally called time, worst part was that he was in every single pot. lag mofo. also bought in for 500bb, dealer didnt seem to notice. on my right so i didnt care.

guy to my left sick and coughing into my drink every 10 minutes

guy to his left smells like a mexican indian who just took a dump, didn't wipe and hasn't showered in 15 days.

all of this at one single table at the same time. amazing.

If I made a list, this page would become too long. But here are a few:

*I go all in. Old fart has only two options (call or fold). He doesn't say it. He reaches for chips and asks the dealer "how much is it?". "175 bucks" says the dealer. The old fart slowly reaches for chips and counts them out 5 reds at a time, gives them to the dealer 45 seconds later and flips over the nuts.

The funniest is when they reload after they lose their stack in a hand which (for whatever reason) pissed them off. Then they open-shove and say things like "alright then, let's play" or whatever. 8 folds later and they show KK. Yeah, nice job.

This made me laugh. I bet you were on tilt for a week.

massages = rhythmically moving your hand and your chips super slowly along as the masseuse pummels u

often the massagee will just fold after rifling through a gazillion chips like he was about to do anything bc hes in such sensual ecstasy from the fat minority rubbing him

Last night i was at a 1/2 table where there was $15 in the pot on the river on a board of 33332...guy bet $10 other guy tanks so long he has the clock called on him...took up all of the clock time, finally called and they chopped the same A high kicker

two weeks ago this guy insisted that a Jack always comes with a 6 so you should always play J6...later in the session I find KK and raise his blind to 5x he calls...Flop is J23, he bets I call...turn is a 6, he bets I raise, he snap shoves, I fold he shows J6

3 hours later i still had a nice stack and he was broke obv

Lol did he tap the table and say nh as 1/2 the pot was scooper to him?