Cashgame: Donk A wins large pot and starts stacking his chips. Everyone knows that Donk A now has the most chips at the table.

Donk B: "Well boys, we have a new chip leader!"

People that call the floor because I'm masterbating with my free hand.

People who cry because the board came AK363 and they folded their 36o pre-flop to a 10BB raise. "I had 3-6! I had 3-6! God Dammit!"

I can't believe nobody has said this one yet...

#50 or whatever: The "regulars" at commerce/[insert casino] that will post/blind sit 1 orbit, sit out, proceed to walk around for 45 minutes doing god knows what, come back, play one more orbit and then repeat the sitout process. Also, this person plays a 10/0/0 style so they are essentially an open seat that the floor will not lift, especially since they are a "regular".

#51: Guys that double up, sit out for 45 minutes (likely jacking off knowing they just won a pot), come back afterwards and then rack up saying "their work is done for the day". JUST INSTALEAVE IF YOURE GOING TO AND DONT WASTE A SEAT

gross

I love fish/donks that wear sunglasses. 99% of the time that I see this they sit on top of their head and only put them on when they have a monster. This is usually done right before they raise.

I hate it when people stare me down and I'm not even in the hand.

(sucking out on a know-it-all poker player is da ish)

**** that. i do this all the time

The one about people talking about things that have happened to them in other casinos around the world is really tilty. As if anyone gives a sh*t. Especially when you get effectively an entire verbal HH with of course no relevance to anything else in the history of poker, and just when the chat's died down and you can start to regain your sanity some other c*nt on the table chimes in with either a) "Of course he could have had XX in which case you'd have been drawing dead" thus kicking off more of the same conversation; or b) "That reminds me of a time when...." and the table is treated to another ten minutes of f*cking rhubarb. Makes me want to apply scold's bridles to the c*nts.

nerds who talk about pot odds and equity is so annoying.

What the hell?

hate = that

Any decision lasting over 20 seconds in a limit game.

Villian limps, Hero raises, blinds call, villain tanks........

die in a grease fire.

GTFO I do this not because "I" am going to give off tells you idiot. I do this because my opponents will give off tells and if I am looking at my cards. I can not see how their reactions are when they look at their cards.

+11111111111

I recall playing online Monopoly where this c*nt would do that every turn that went her way. We both had houses/hotels and it was heads up. It was build to the max so the next person lands loses. Everytime she would pass by my houses she would type in something like "lololol sorry". I land on her railroad, "sorry", I pass Go and hit the Income Tax... "lol, sorry", she lands in jail when I have houses on the green, "LOL" - "sorry". Want to choke the bitch.

Oh and,

*People that have death breaths.
*People that take up their entire space -or- douche bags that sit sideways so that the whole table has to squeeze in and when you ask them all to "please move a little", they all nod their heads but don't move an inch. You ask again and they get offended.
*People that want your opinion on a hand and start off with "so check this, I have Ace-Jack and there is a raise....". I mean FFS, IF YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU, what was your position? What was his position? How much was the raise? How many callers? What were the stack sizes? What did he look like? Etc. He usually don't remember any of that and says something like "oh umm middle position". And then they continue with "The flop gives me trips, I'm first to act,... I CHECK" with the hand gesture and a big smile on his face like he was pulling the most deceicful move in history.

1.
Playing 3/6 minbet kill with only $1 chips and ******s who can't count past 2. Typical example includes a raise on the turn from $12 -> $24 and watching the villain take 2 chips off his stack, add it to the pile in the middle, reach back, take 2 more, reach back, take 2 more, etc until he puts the proper amount in. Every time the dealer waits for his action to be fully complete, then deals river, where villain proceeds to grab 2 chips, place them across the line, then 2 more, then 2 more, etc until 12 are in the middle for a bet. FML learn to count out 12 and put it.

2.
"I have an Ace"
"Me too"
"You got a good kicker?"
"Yes.. I do"
"Face card?"
"Yes"
"Which one?"
"I got a K kicker"
"Oh.. I have a 9 kicker.. so thats ACES UP!"
/facepalm

3.
People not knowing how to read poker hands. Like AK v A2 on a AA55J board. Dealer starts chopping the pot and the guy with AK is outraged, "I HAVE A K KICKER I WIN!". Dealer says, "No.. its a chop. you both play AAA55, see...?" Guy looks at board.. "NO.. I.. HAVE.. K... BETTER KICKER." and jabs the K over and over.. dealer sighs "PIT! Damaged card, Kc...", which is followed by a 3 minute bitchfest by AK claiming how the pot is his... Happens so damn often its actually amazing

4.
AQ in a 1/2 NL game. Ended up shoving for $90~ on a A29 board after the table hag bets out. She calls, and board runs out blank blank. She doesn't show, I flip over AQ, "Is that good?", she looks at my hand, looks at her's says "Ya.. good hand...", but keeps her cards in her hand. 15s pass and dealer starts shipping me the pot. She quickly yells out "WAIT I HAVE 2 PAIR!" and shows A9. Board is still on table, dealer ships her the pot instead. I skipped the first verbal warning and went straight to the second one that night...

other than fellow players not showering, i get annoyed when i have to help the dealers when they totally miss chopped pots or botch the math on side pots, and no one cares.

but, i've learned to kind of bask in the "fresh from the bar" scent.

The worst for me is the guy giving everyone lessons at the table. I usually ask them when their book is coming out and if they can get me a signed copy.


I also really hate people who slowplay the flop, get coolered on the turn and then berate the person who sucked out on them. ITS YOUR OWN FAULT YOU ASS, leave that poor old lady alone.

Well, I wear sunglasses while playing 2/5nl live, so f you all.

It's usually after playing for about 12 hours throughout the night, when the lights start to really kill my eyes though.

I really wish we were allowed to listen to mp3 players while playing...

I hate when in a tournament in a casino, your all in pre-flop, and say you turn over AQ and the other guy turns over AK but throws the cards towards you showing you there better then your hand...

they are PRETENDING to think so they look less dumb when they make the wrong decision and the cards are turned over.


you cannot be serious
this is like best case scenario assclown

People that walk really slowly

i hate the donks who call a raise with a pocket pair and then check fold on the flop when they miss their set, but instead of just throwing their cards away they seem to think i give a flying **** what they had and flash me their cards as if to say "wow i missed i am so unlucky" Rtards.

great now i am on mega tilt.

People who lean over their cards (usually overweight people) and take ages to make their decisions.

It usually ends in me acting out of turn as I don't know if they've folded or what as I have no visible view of their cards, chip stack, etc..