Points South
November 2013 - Miami Beach
At this time, April had been my clubbing buddy for three or four months. We had gone to see Cazzette, Afrojack, Steve Aoki, and Carnage, amongst other DJs. I felt that I had reached the culmination of my bachelor career, getting to go out with an extremely attractive girl who didn't care if I called the next day, whether I played poker or not, or if I talked to her for days. I could just call her, make plans, and it was that simple. She was in it for the shows and the fun, and at the time I was probably at the height of my love for EDM shows. April's dad lived in Miami Beach and managed a restaurant, and her stepmother was a promoter/manager of an up and coming nightclub on Washington Avenue. Every couple of days or so I would go on Eventbrite and look for up and coming shows around Central and South Florida. The vast majority of shows were in Miami, with some in Tampa and a few in Orlando. It was always a drive, but at that point I would have done whatever I could to go see the right DJ. Sure enough, I remember scrolling down and seeing that Alesso was going to be playing at STORY in South Beach. They were selling out fast, so I went and bought one male and one female ticket (I don't know if all higher end clubs do this, but if a female ticket is $40, a male ticket is usually around $100). Alesso was by far my favorite DJ and I had never seen him solo in a smaller venue. I was so excited to text April and let her know that we were going to the Beach next weekend, and she seemed happy, but not as happy as I was. No one is ever as excited as you are when you are going to see someone you truly admire in any facet of life.
Alesso was playing on a Friday night, so we were staying with my friend Chop who lived in Coconut Grove, about a 15 minute drive from South Beach. I was hoping that he would drive us over there and we could find a ride back. My ride of choice was the rape van, a 2000 Ford Econoline E-150, black with some faded paint, and a rusty top I bought from a cracker jack mechanic back when I was still with Kelly. It had very few windows, which were all tinted, and even had running lights like the A-team van, it just needed a red stripe. It also had a zip down canvas behind the front seats, which were the only seats in there, so even if you were in the front you couldn't see what was in the cargo area. I had used it for moving plants, but I decided to bring it this time because A) I hated parking my car on the street in Miami and B) If I wanted to get it on with April in the van there was plenty of room. This was the kind of van that if seen rolling by, you would assume either a psychopath was behind the wheel or you were going to be the victim of a driveby. I've rolled up into bad neighborhoods in Immokalee and North Miami at night to pick up plants, and people tend to disperse on the street when they see a van like this creeping by. April was somewhat of the hippie type and thought the van was a cool way to travel, sort of a poor man's VW bus.
I picked her up at her apartment and we headed south, getting to my friend Chop's house around 8pm. She was getting into her "costume" which basically consisted of very skimpy shorts, a top that left very little of her D cups to the imagination, and her glitter and makeup. She actually looked pretty classy considering how little she was wearing, and Chop was literally going to kick down the door to get a good look at her. Chop was a lawyer by day for a well known private firm, and at night he was a filterless, no holds barred meathead that used his lawyer/jacked status to pull in a lot of gold diggers. He was the last of my friends from high school I saw on a regular basis, and even though he had a serious creep factor going, we were still great friends. We had planned on going to University of Miami law school together before I dropped out of college, but I got to live the part when I was working in Miami and he was in law school back in 2008. He had a brand new Wrangler Rubicon with about 15K in extras a 2004 Mustang Cobra manual that he barely could drive, and a 95 Mustang GT he had since 1998 that he still lived his days of glory through. He would also occassionally wear jean shorts from Old Navy circa 2000 that I constantly trolled him about - he was for lack of a better term a classic Guido.
The club didn't open its doors until 1030 or 11pm, so he dropped us off on Collins right in front of Big Pink, and I was happy he didn't have a ticket as I am sure he would have come along and molested April all night. We got in line, and somehow April got in some sort of fast track and was let it about 15 minutes before me. The inside of STORY, if you haven't seen it, is pretty amazing, even for an upscale club. There are 5 bars on all sorts of tiers and everything is lit up like a Christmas tree. I decided I was just going to drink a few Godfathers this go around, I really wanted to be able to experience Alesso in a more sober fashion than I normally would if it were just some random DJ. I could see how this place made insane money on its drinks as I paid $27 for just one half ass drink, having to drink it just to forget it's price tag. I finally found April, and she had already made friends with some Aussie guys that seemed pretty cool. We got to talking for bit as they were setting up for the first gig, and a few drinks later, Alesso came on and I made my way steadily to the front. Watching Alesso play front and center at STORY ranks up there with my favorite musical experiences in my life, and turning around to see the whole club alive was pretty amazing in my semi-sober state. One thing I was not seeing was April, and at that point, I didn't really care. When the set was finally over, however, April remained MIA and I was getting a little worried. Shady things can happen in clubs and though she was a smart girl, you just never know. At some point after 5am, I realized I was going to need to either call Chop and see if he would come up to the beach again, or get a cab. In my wandering and searching, I finally found April....with a bunch of dudes that she had clearly become very friendly with. As much as I was pissed that I bought her a ticket and brought her down here, I felt that it was a party that wasn't meant to last. I told her I was going back to the mainland and she said she was going to stay back and come home later in the day. I think she had plans on sleeping on the beach most of the morning then coming back to Chop's house. As far as I was concerned she was dead to me and she could find her own way back to his place as well as the West Coast. Then it dawned on me that her parents live here so I felt no remorse at all.
I realized I wanted to get back to the house so I tried Chop - he answered. I explained the situation to him, and he seemed to get the idea that April would be coming back at some point, and to him that was enough to get out of bed and drive over the causeway to get me. I walked over to the Big Pink and started getting Facebook messages dinging on my phone and looked down to a "hey mate!" and "saw you were at the Beach, we are here too, let's meet up!". I saw it was one of my friends from New Zealand, someone who I had met through the plant world in the past, and who lived in the Middle East working for a "prominent political figure" in his botanical endeavors. I didn't want to explain I had just gotten out from the club and was still buzzed at 630am, but we got to chatting and apparently they were up at the Fountainbleau having breakfast and a massage. I couldn't show up in my state so I told them I was doing some municipal project but I could talk later on after work. He seemed very eager to talk, and I had done quite a bit of international business with him and his boss, so I told them I would happily meet up with them in the evening if they wished. He was satisfied and finally I saw Chop pull up in his ridiculously jacked up and modded Rubicon.
"Where's April?" He asked, as if this were part of the deal of him coming to get me. I explained that she was on the beach with some friends "mellowing" out, and even though he was a lush, he did not like being around anyone that had been on "club drugs". He asked me if I was hungry, and I realized I was after this sweaty, adrenaline-filled night. He pretty much only ate red meat and pork, so we managed to find a burger joint he knew on Collins that was open at 630am. I told him to get me a cheeseburger and I fell asleep in the truck. I woke up to a fat, juicy double cheeseburger with bacon and extra jalapenos. I tried to pick them out but they were basically infused to the burger and Chop thought it was hilarious. I was so hungry I ate the whole thing with the spicy fries which came with instant regret as I felt the burn in my chest and stomach, and passed out immediately when we got back to his place.
I woke up around 5pm, took a shower and managed to "cleanse" myself of all the spicy food in my body through multiple trips to the bathroom and realized I need to call my buddy Rory on the beach.
"Hey mate, how was work?" He asked, and I had to tell him it was tiring but I was ready to meet up, to go back to the same strip of town that I had been drinking and had parted ways with April, hopefully for good.
"Listen, the boss wants to hang out and have some drinks down at the club tonight. Would you like to go?" When he had said the club, he meant LIV, which was shocking considering the boss' cultural background prohibited this sort of entertainment, particularly drinking. I think he could even tell I was hesitant and proceeded to explain that back in the home country, things were more laid back than most other Middle Eastern cultures, and that he liked to let loose when he was in the US. It sounded like a unique experience, and I headed up that way and even borrowed some of Chop's clothing as I had not brought anything too fancy, and LIV was probably the nicest nightclub on the Beach. I explained to them I had to wait for an Uber and it was a busy time of day, and he said to call him when I was ready and someone would come and get me. I called him around 630 and within 15 minutes a Mercedes S550 was in front of the house, and I told Chop that April was all his when she got home. He was asking a million questions I couldn't answer, and I had my own questions such as "why was a Middle Eastern man in a suit and tie opening the door for me?" April was so far behind in my mind as I was fully intrigued and felt very special being chauffeured to the Beach. On the ride, the man did not say much, but I introduced myself and he smiled and in a British-Arab accent proclaimed, "Ah, so you are the man who knows about the location of the palms? His excellency will be happy to finally meet you."
What could be so important that I know about the location of some palms?
