the moment my hand is turned over there's audible confusion at the table. my opponents are thrown off by my high level superhero call that only Townsend in his prime could make. letting out a deep breath of satisfaction from my daredevil call i tilt my head down and let the prada's drop to the tip of my nose. as a smirk forms on the right side of my face i look over at my opponent and say, "...sick call, no doubt."
leaning back in my seat waiting for my opponent to muck his rags i see he can't hold back his laughter any longer, "hahaha....no." he says, as he boastfully turns over his black pocket Q
Q
.
jumping to my feet i bellow out, "CHICKENHEADS?!?!?!? LAWL are u serious bro, do you not kno i have top set here like 60% of the time??? phuckin chickenheads dude are u kidding me?"
sitting in his chair in fits of laughter he looks back at me and says, "sorry.....bro"
like dumping gasoline on the "metaphorical" house fire that will consume these people tonight, my rage is intensifying at a dangerous rate. quickly ruffling through my TapOut bag i pull out my italian made butterfly knife, flip it open in a nano second and launch it straight over my opponents head. as the blade goes whizzing through the air my opponent goes bug eyed and is frozen in fear. with a loud thud the entire wall shakes as my knife buries itself deep into the drywall. before the table can respond i go back to my bag and produce my 2nd butterfly knife and say in an eerily calm voice, "next one goes thru ur ass" as i stare down my opponent. gently setting my knife down by my mountain of cheques i see HeyN8 holding back a smile as he knows this ish just got rly real.
"yo HeyN8, lets get lifted. blunt break bro - gotta get my head straight." i say.
nodding in agreement we get up from the table and make our way out the backdoor and lean up against the house, taking our bags with us.
"yo u got this one aight?" i say to him, "i'll smoke u down next time probably" assuring him i won't leave him hanging. as HeyN8 starts packing a tight one i continue on, "so how much you down bro?"
looking up from the blizzie he's rollin up, he gives me a pained look and says, "i dunno man, it's gotta be like 3 or 4 hundo. i gotta double up and then some..."
"yea thats coo, that's coo. lets get me back to even first then we'll worry about you" i say. "these phucks are stackin the deck, or marked cards...or somethin.." i say as i trail off thinkin about what kinda play they're runnin'.
"they keep gettin big ass overpairs Modus!" HeyN8 says exasperatedly. becoming panicked he starts talking faster, "these punk ass jokers man, they phuckin- dude they gotta cheat to beat us, simple as that, so sick man. PHUCK!"
"yea for real" i say in agreement, "and does Brennen think he's that hot or somethin? seriously he's not good looking dude."
Taking puffs from the phattie blunt HeyN8 and I discuss how we're gonna even things out a little bit. We've ran games before. normally we play straight up until we're stuck, typically because the other players resort to cheatin b/c we're stackin sick cheese 31 (i kno dudes). luckily they're playin with a blue bicycle deck. i come prepared to all my games with back up decks for situations just like these. I tell HeyN8 we'll pull the classic "Modus Swap" - i'll finish suckin down this blunt while i stack a fresh deck for a sick cooler. when the deal's on me, we'll set up a little distraction so everyone from the table is focused elsewhere. with the quickness i'll take the old deck off the table and replace it with the one sittin under my left ass check. the cards will be dealt and they'll be none the wiser!
Sifting through my TapOut bag I pull out the fresh deck and set the cards so I'll get Rockets, and i'll give brennen the stupid phuckin jakes he likes so much. as I begin placing the cards i jump in fear as i hear the backdoor swing open. Hastily turning my back to the door to hide the deck i look over my shoulder and see Brennen peeking his head around as he says, "hey guys! you mind if i take a drag?"
"phuck off Brennen!" i shout back at him. As he heads back inside I quickly finish off setting up the hole cards and rush back inside before they suspect anything.
As my deal begins to approach me, my heart starts going a mile a minute against my chest. As the adrenaline surges through my body i begin to look around the table as the deck is passed to me. I can see my hand visibly shaking as i give the deck a few shuffles. feeling the time is right i let out a light cough, signaling to HeyN8 it's time to do this thing.
Without delay HeyN8 instantly jumps up from his seat and hurls his half empty Monster Energy drink against the wall. As it explodes with a loud pop the liquid sprays across the room and everyone's heads are turned away from the table. At that moment I take the deck off the table and swap it out with the fixed one sitting on my lap. sick, too easy. Everyone turns their heads around in confusion to HeyN8 looking for an explanation when he simply says, "oops".
"alright boys! alright! lets keep this game going!" i say as i'm on my feet carefully sliding each card individually to each player at the table (don't wanna phuck this up and have a mis-deal, digs?)
Once all the cards are out I peek down to see my pocket rockets, black ones. on the outside i'm koo as a cucumber for real, but on the inside i'm lickin my chops lookin to bust up brennen for his stack.
Brennen is in EP and open for $2, there's a caller before it gets back to me on the butt. Milking this for all it's worth i cut out some raising cheques and make a speech, "u ain't got sh*t, b*****" i say as i stare into brennen's hazel eyes. without breaking eye contact i bloat up the pot with a raise to $19 straight.
Looking very interested in my raise size brennen goes back to his stack. he quickly moves out the chips for a call to the side of his cards while he counts down the rest of his stack. looking on with glee i'm eyeing his stacks like a hungry jackal finna chow down on an abandoned gazelle. Seeing he has a little over $100 more in his stack his sits back at mulls it over for a minute. Out of nowhere he shrugs his shoulders and moves in the rest of his chips saying, "alright you probably got me...i'm all in."
"yes brennen....i do got you." i cooly say as i slowly roll over my Bullets, not bothering to put another chip in the pot. Beaming in delight as i see his face move from uncertainty to utter depression when he sees my rockets, he sheepishly rolls over his trusty phuckin jakes. Moving to my feet in excitement I begin to run out the board.
Flop: 10
7
8
"oh sh*t..." i think to myself as i can feel my face burning with anger and worry, "i forgot to set the board..."