Ok I know people talk about their bad beats all the time, and bad beat happens to everyone and everyone thinks they run bad. but I really just need to let this out, and hopefully you guys can read this and give me some feedbacks.

Let me talk a little bit about me. I've been playing poker since 6 years ago. I started out as a bad player like most people, started out online and lost on a consistent basis. I would give up online and go play live because back then I felt online was really "rigged", I just felt the amount of bad beats I get was unreal, and add this to the fact that I was actually a HUGE fish back then, you can see why I lost consistently. So I went to play live, in live I felt the cards are more fair, but I was still bad so I would also lose there. So when the cards wasn't giving suck outs and I was still losing money I realized I was a bad player. I would go back and forth between online and live in the mean time and always end up losing for the first 3-4 years of my poker life.

I play poker as a hobby on the side, but I play poker yes because I want to win money (which is ironic because in my poker lifetime I am in the negatives) but regardless I keep playing poker because I want to get better at this game. I love the game and I take it as a challenge to become better. I would start reading online and forums and read books and study clips. I would say starting last year I started to see improvements and I can walk into a live 1-2 game and crush it. I know that's not impressive or anything because the live games are so soft. Anyways recently I wanted to get back to online @ Pokerstars. My home is not always near a live game, and like i said I take poker as a challenge and I would really love to be able to beat online poker (at least the lower stakes) since I wasn't successful before I want to give it a try now since I am more mature as a player.

So this year I started to play 10-25c table cash game and some SnGs, its a game where i felt comfortable playing at. I would put in 1000+ hands per day, maybe play 2-5 times a week. Okay so I been playing since January this month and after months of grinding I am like up 40$, pretty much haven't moved. and I put in a lot of time grinding after work.

Now i'll get to the bad beat of the game. Tilting use to be a huge problem for me, I would tilt so easily and blow off my money, but I read the mental game by Jared and tried to improve my tilt game, and it has gotten better. I try to take bad beats better so it doesn't affect my game. I just want to say at this point right now I can no longer take the bad beat.

I never really consider myself someone who runs good, I always felt like I run pretty bad in poker. Now I know people usually forget their run goods and remember their run bads. I know all about that, and maybe you guys will tell me that's my situation, but I just really really don't think that's the case. Let me explain how I run bad in pokerstars. The way i win pots is I play the hand until the river, and if I feel I am ahead I value bet to win more, or I win hand without showdown. I've gotten so scared to flips that I don't want to do it. like im SO bad at flips, If I get it all in preflop or On the flop, the chances of me winning feels non-existent.

In a 50% flip senario like AKs vs QQ, I really feel like im losing 75% of the time.

A situation where I am ~75% favor like KK vs AQ, it feels like I win 50% of the time.

and if I am behind having AQ vs KK, like I just have zero chance to win. like i RARELY win that, not that I put myself in that position often, but through thousands of hands I play in a month I remember like ONE of these suckouts I get per months. If i win a flip where i am 25% favor like to me that **** just never happens to me, so I remember it especially well if I do win a suckout, to me its a miracle.. honestly. but why? I get sucked out my KK vs AQ like multiple times per day, DAY after DAy. It just doesn't make sense to me.

I would build up my bankroll slowly, and sometimes you have to get it in on the flop draws vs overpair etc type of hand. and if i get it in flipping I would ALWAYS lose, as long as I can remember its really just like how I describe the percentage above. Its so hard for me to win a flip, and when you lose a 100bb hand or you bust out on bubble in SnG it's a huge setback to the winnings that you slowly built, yet you lose couple of all ins and I get back to where I was at the beginning of the week or month. It could take me 1 week to build and 1 day to lose it back.

I mean am I being delusional? I really don't think so, like after months of going back and forth and pretty much ended up even (because I lose 4/5 flips consistently) its really really tilting and draining to your motivation. I just can't stand the bad beats anymore. A session I just played today I lost like 9 races, every single hand I am all in preflop or on the flop I lost, and that doesn't even feel abnormal anymore. like is this normal??? I know some people are going to say because I dont put myself in a 25% equity spot so I have much less chance to suck out. yes I understand that, but it just doesn't feel right at pokerstars. I really feel my 75% hands are Barely holding up, and I can't even watch my 50% flips. its just almost automatic loss when i see their hole cards and before the turn and river are dealt I just know I am going to lose.

I mean is this how poker is suppose to feel like? Like I am really fine with the bad beat if I also get lucky, and No I am not asking to get lucky. I really just want to run Average, but I can't even get that. I would be up so much more if I just ran average. Can someone help me with their insight? Is this normal? do all the other players feel like this? am I delusional (I really feel like I am not) what can I do? am i suppose to just accept not winning my flips that often as part of what pokerstars offer, and try to win by controling what I can control. It just doesn't feel right man.....how can i be even after 8 months. you know in some ways that feels really terrible. it feels as bad as being down.

I read an article on people saying. some people just runs worse in their lifetime. just like a normal distribution curve, marjority of people is in the middle, and there are 5% who are extremely lucky and 5% who run extremely bad. so is it possible I am just one of those really unlucky ones that will always run worse than other people. I just don't understand it, I am at the point where if i get AA vs QQ preflop i am sweating so hard and If my aces hold up I feel super happy. and If i have KK vs AQ, and my hand holds up I feel like I am running really good that day.

Maybe this is standard and I just really don't fully understand variance yet. Tell me if I want to play poker I would just have to accept that's how poker's going to be, that I will probably get more unfair beats as long as I play poker at pokerstars and I just have to take it. (i dont got this problem ever at LIVE game btw)

Please, give me some feed back and tell me what you guys think. I really appreciate to anyone who read it this far. it would mean the world for me to get some real honest feedbacks. thanks

I want to add that I want to focus on significant pots. I actually paid attention to this and whenever a pot is significant, whether its 200bb pot or key all ins in tournaments, my flips % is just terrible. like TERRIBLE.

and lets so i just lost my stack 3050 to someone's stack at 3000 in a tournament. and i Have 50 chip left. all the sudden I start winning these ridiculous flips. It's a ***** slap to the face. like this Shyt ALWAYS happens. I would double up 4-5 times in a row winning 3 outters. and let say i get my stack back to 1500 chip and finally I had a chance to double back up and i get QQs and get it all in with A9 and lose.

i just don't feel like anyone runs like I do, its seriously disgusting.

"The good ol' USA is one of the few countries who have enough nuclear weapons to destroy the world a couple times over. America controls this "Hammer of God" power via an electronic device, known as the football, carried by the president all the time."


did you knew this? it's scary that 1 idiot could blow up the whole world if he wanted to. Wtf u big countries for doing nuclear bombs we small countries should take care o you

so this is how the poker community has become, just a bunch of ppl who comes along put a GIF to make fun of people. I know its a long post about bad beats, but if you got nothing good to say im not forcing you to read my thread.

your gonna want to copy paste all those words and post them in another section of 2p2 OP. i duno where cuz i only read to "now ill talk a little about me", but pretty much anywhere but here is a good start.

also when you find a place to put all those words, consider starting with just the tip of what you're trying to say. then, once everyone gets comfortable, you can insert the rest of your words in the discussion. pacing yourself is key. slow at first, then when the conversation gains momentum you can go as fast as you like.

to be honest im not someone who complains about bad beat. and i am not even tilted from the huge loss I just had, but after months of playing and getting handed the beatings it just gets inside my head. i think I just don't understand variance as much as it thought, and 1000 hands per day is probably not enough to offset the variance if i were to run bad

Your language suggests that you are just estimating how many times you lose with x percent equity - do you have any actual stats to back this up?

This happens all the time people are like "omg I can't win any flips" then they run the filters and they're winning 45% of flips

hey thanks for the feedback. yea I realized its a bunch of gibberish. I just got tilted pretty badly for a while but now im fine. deep down inside i really know the answer I just wanted to steam off and vent. but i guess I am tilted that I even have these thoughts about complaining about the bad beat, i would think playing for this long I would have understood the bad variance that it comes with, but maybe i don understand it that well yet

Yeah youre surely not bothered, I guess thats why you just wrote me a PM threatening me with physical violence.

Dude, the truth, straight up. Nobody cares about your beats. I didnt even read more than a few sentences. I didnt need to because in this section you see these stories all the time. Players whining and think people care. You see players whining all the time, live poker, online poker, all the time. Dude, NOBODY CARES, its the name of the game, poker involves a huge element of luck. Intelligent players understand that.
So go and try your luck in the EAD business. I heard its profitable.

i never asked people to care. i asked for constructive feedback, which clearly is what you don't intend to do. so ya. if i see you i would still knock your teeth out. be careful not to be an ass in public because you will get knocked out since you can't hide behind your computer

THIS

i do have stats. post them later

I think you would benefit from efforts to think positively -- whether you read books aimed at directing you at more positive thinking or whether you find coaching or a course.

For example: thinking "I want" leaves room for "I won't". Thinking "I will" makes a huge difference.

I've sat at poker tables with people who, despite playing for many years longer than I have, have never hit a high hand or any other sort of jackpot. Some bemoan it. The common trait I see in the ones that bemoan it is: they think they won't hit one.

One night there was a guy at the table and he got down to his last $11.. he stood up and was ready to scoop it up and walk away defeated. So I told him to decide he was going to win instead of lose (I knew that the $11 wasn't a big factor for him -- it was just the last of his self-imposed buy-in limit). while the current hand was being played out, I told him the story about how I had gotten down to $3 one night when I was first playing poker and refused to buy in again. I shoved my $3 with A, 6 os. The flop came down KK 9. There was a flurry of betting. The turn was a K. More betting -- still multiple players in the pot. The river was the case K. More furious betting. Had I not been all-in preflop, I assuredly would have folded on the flop. Hands get shown for the various side pots, then finally for the main pot: I was the one player holding an ace! I scooped the paltry main pot but won the high hand of $200.

He smiled after I told him the story.. seemed to think for a few seconds and sat back down. He looked at his hole cards -- and shoved when his turn came. He won the pot. He doubled up once again. Within 10 minutes he had a high hand on the board that held up.

Do I think it will work miraculously every time? No. But I do think positive thinking affects "luck". I do find that when I'm grumpy or feeling negative I don't play well, my intuition is off, I don't win high hands, or win flips at the table, and seem to have my pocket pairs crushed time and again. If I can't get my head back into positive zone, it's time to leave, because it doesn't matter what i get dealt - - some loosey goosey will call a $60 preflop bet (at $1//2) and crack my aces with his 6, 3 (suited of course!). However, if I can get back to upbeat and positive, then cards do seem to all flow the right way -- and the heaters surprise even me (personal best: in one hour of live play: 2 straight flushes, quad aces, quad kings, a few boats -- but in one hand I folded pre-flop the nut card -- a 6 of spades -- to another straight flush).

More PM from OP

Is there any thread savers?

I've run good and i've run bad. You will eventually run good if you play long enough. But the better you get at the game the better you will run.

You probably make a lot of mistakes and judging from the fact that running bad at NL25 bothers you - I would assume you are wasting your time playing poker if you want to go professional.

Play nothing lower than .5 - $1 if you wanna go pro. The rake is too high at low stakes.

Graph or gtfo. "Feeling" like you're unlucky is just so biased it's insane.

Yes

Thanks OP. You made me yawn and fart at the same time. It was a unique experience.

thanks those are great commets. i agree with the positive thinking. even though its weird to think that.

just got a new laptop 2 weeks ago. these are my last 2 weeks. old laptop is left in my old home. i assure you rest is similar.

having said this i said "Feel" because I dont believe ev all in and pot won is an accurate judgement of how good you run. but it serves as an general idea i guess

Is this nl25? If yes, I am not seeing anythig unusual about that graph. Not unusual swings for that sample size. You will encounter way worse swings than 3buyin downswings.
And EV allin is a very good number regarding your initial post, because you specifically tilted about losing flips which is taken into considerartion by the allin EV.