My fat girlfriend is making the noises of a circus seal, nagging all the damn time, talking about how I shouldnt play poker on christmas day WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF? her masculine voice is really starting to grate shes like a pirate with side flubber. She went absolutely nuts this morning just cus I didnt get her anything im like look bitch the bankroll comes first and ive got grind on the mind..she was so pissed off because I filled her stockins with peanuts..she is alsopissed cus I didnt sit at the table and eat dinner (she cant cook worth ****)..

I know its christmas but if I have to sit with her auntie at the dinner table ima end up shoving her head up the turkeys ass that quick to moan bitch..this crazy count dracula bitch smokes electronic ciggerettes??WTFFFFFF and Im sure she has got a glass eye because it tends to jiggle and roll round in the socket.
my fat girlfriend was like WTF ARE YOU GOING TO DO THEN POKER I SUPPOSE? Im like look bitch i dont tell you **** when you go out with your skank friends and probably give blow jobs at the club. she looked at me in shock and was like AT LEAST PUT SOME PANTS ON!!!!!!!! I like to grind in my underwear so what??? its christmas. she waddled off, and I really dont know why I did this, it was probably a bad move but I was like WOW YOUR CANKLES HAVE GROWN. she started crying and left the room. Shortly after this happened I called her back in and said sorry because this happened...

Full Tilt Poker, $40/80 No Limit Hold'em Tournament, 8 Players
Hand Converter by Pokerhand.org

Board:
King Niche (UTG): $3,308
MAX355 (UTG+1): $5,620
ivegotit1 (MP1): $3,524
Flea474 (CO): $6,654
Spandman (Button): $2,440
endofield (SB): $12,230
babareh (BB): $5,273
meybed2 (MP2): $476

Dealt to King Niche Q Q

Pre-flop:
(1 folds), King Niche raises to $240, (4 folds), endofield calls $200, babareh calls $160

Flop: ($720) 7 6 4 (3 Players)
endofield checks, babareh checks, King Niche bets $640, endofield calls $640, (1 folds)

Turn: ($2,000) 2 (2 Players)
endofield checks, King Niche bets $2,428 and is all-in, endofield calls $2,428

River: ($6,856) T (2 Players)

Results:
King Niche Showed Q Q
endofield Showed K Q
King Niche wins $6,856

lukily she has left me alone now, so I can maybe watch some pornhub.I'm sure I heard her talk **** about me to "the swamp thing" which is what i call her aunt...damn.. she gives me the one eyed willies..

These people destroy me day in day out


Full Tilt Poker $27,500 Guarantee No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t50/t100 Blinds - 9 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

Hero (UTG+1): t6609
UTG+2: t5200
MP1: t3724
MP2: t6572
CO: t2690
BTN: t8685
SB: t4407
BB: t1008
UTG: t4400

Pre Flop: (t150) Hero is UTG+1 with K K
1 fold, Hero raises to t300, 5 folds, SB calls t250, 1 fold

Flop: (t700) 5 7 4 (2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets t500, SB raises to t1800, Hero raises to t6309 all in, SB calls t2307 all in

Turn: (t8914) 8 (2 players - 2 are all in)

River: (t8914) K (2 players - 2 are all in)

Final Pot: t8914
Hero shows K K (three of a kind, Kings)
SB shows 6 A (a straight, Eight high)
SB wins t8914

pics of gf?

pics of swamp thing?

pics of pirate with side flubber?


Edit: Long Live the King

I sometimes have a nightmare where she has a beard and a hook fingers and sayS OI ME HEARTEYS then she walks the plank and it snaps. I have had many cold sweats from her aura.

you play 40/80 nl WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

A+

i love these stories

tournament bro

tournament

wow.. the Crotch monkey chasing the rainbow didn't light it up like a care bear

Full Tilt Poker $27,500 Guarantee No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t120/t240 Blinds + t25 - 9 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

Hero (UTG+1): t3122
UTG+2: t5022
MP1: t3199
MP2: t4771
CO: t1549
BTN: t4458
SB: t6242
BB: t5137
UTG: t9865

Pre Flop: (t585) Hero is UTG+1 with A A
1 fold, Hero calls t240, 6 folds, BB checks

Flop: (t825) 3 J 8 (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets t720, BB calls t720

Turn: (t2265) Q (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets t2137 all in, BB calls t2137

River: (t6539) T (2 players - 1 is all in)

Final Pot: t6539
Hero shows A A (a pair of Aces)
BB shows 6 4 (Queen Jack high)
Hero wins t6539

In tears @ she waddled off

Full Tilt Poker $27,500 Guarantee No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t150/t300 Blinds + t25 - 9 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

BTN: t10760
SB: t12170
BB: t31944
UTG: t10576
UTG+1: t14388
UTG+2: t2160
Hero (MP1): t6274
MP2: t17272
CO: t14975

Pre Flop: (t675) Hero is MP1 with 4 6
1 fold, UTG+1 calls t300, 1 fold, Hero calls t300, MP2 raises to t900, 4 folds, UTG+1 calls t600, Hero calls t600

Flop: (t3375) 7 5 2 (3 players)
UTG+1 bets t3375, Hero raises to t5349 all in, MP2 raises to t16347 all in, UTG+1 folds

Turn: (t17448) 6 (2 players - 2 are all in)

River: (t17448) 9 (2 players - 2 are all in)

Final Pot: t17448
Hero shows 4 6 (a pair of Sixes)
MP2 shows Q K (King Queen high)
Hero wins t17448

I have a feeling that you will win this tournament.

71/244 YOU CAN DO IT !!!

My god, I just realized I'm begining to like your posts!

railing the king gogogogo

usually dont rail people, but will for the king

Ty Tupac. Am still in but am quite card dead and my g/f is next door with her tubby father and android aunt. SHE wants me to abandon the tournament and play a chritmas game like MONOPOLY WITH THEM WTF?? why would I want to spend time with them playing for pink 500s? if her dad starts **** tonight im jab his flab..ive locked the door and said if they dont leave me alone I will put our porn video on youporn

Full Tilt Poker $27,500 Guarantee No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t300/t600 Blinds + t75 - 9 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

CO: t13385
BTN: t33428
SB: t11083
BB: t32572
UTG: t19863
UTG+1: t8270
Hero (UTG+2): t8298
MP1: t21394
MP2: t19875

Pre Flop: (t1575) Hero is UTG+2 with Q J
2 folds, Hero raises to t1800, MP1 calls t1800, 5 folds

Flop: (t5175) 9 2 5 (2 players)
Hero bets t3600, MP1 raises to t7200, Hero calls t2823 all in

Turn: (t18021) 8 (2 players - 1 is all in)

River: (t18021) T (2 players - 1 is all in)

Final Pot: t18021
Hero shows Q J (a flush, Queen high)
MP1 shows A A (a pair of Aces)
Hero wins t18021

^raise less pre

I am also railing the king.

KING NICHE BAYBEE

omg i need FT NOW

I predict a strong top 6 finish for the Niche!

Gogogogo the king!

Haha King Niche's at my table

King Niche: this always happens to me
King Niche: £"*)(&)$("$"&(*
King Niche: im gonna punch my gf's father in the damn melon