Part 2 - I can confirm this 'story' is all legit, although I may 'exagerate' some parts with descriptive words for the sake of entertainment.
So my ex gf insta leaves the room.
I chase her out my bedroom door and say, "What? what's up... Sorry I was sick, you never seen vomit before? lol"
She replies with ".......That was *****, what is wrong with you?"
I couldn't hide it much longer, she left the house.... I cleaned myself up, went back to my room and started hammering a bottle of wine.
(Haven't drunk in 6 months) Due to being into my health and fitness.
Fast foward 30 mins, I'm tipsy as hell and I recieve a text from her.
"If you want to explain this to me, come round mine. I didn't travel 30 mins to see you for nothing"
I was in no state to drive so I had to ask my mum to take me
(FML)
Started spinning in the car, the alcohol hit me harder than expected. I knew this was gonna be a kerfuffle ahead of me.
Anyways, I knock on her door, and her Father I've never met before answered. (She's normally wid her mum)
He was not intimidating by any means, and was about 5ft tall lol (srs)
He had an angry look on his face which startled me a bit, and made this sort of grunting noise as I entered the house like (hgmgggmgmmmm)
I'm chillin in her room and it's all goin great. I explain the eating contest the day before and told her I won the poker tournament (I didn't)
And that I'd treat her for a meal.
Fast forward 30 mins and it comes again. I need a *****.
I calmly say "brb" and pretend I had a phonecall. I ran to the nearest toilet in panic.
Well my luck had turned. It was a solid dry bullet. 1 Wipe and we were out of there in no time.
UNTIL............
knock on ex's bedroom door. It was midget Dad. I hear them discussing, then they both lead me to the bathroom. I'm like OH NO.
Turns out it didn't flush and it **** smelt so bad.
EX insta tells me to leave thinking it's some joke I'm playin on her, and her Dad sorta like tries to push me down the fkn stairs.
I manage to control it and run down although leaning forward holding onto the banister.
I was so happy with myself I look back up sorta smiling at her Dad like "PHUCK YOUUUU" (Although I didn't say that)
He then sprinted down the stairs charging like a rhino with what seemed to be like a clothesline attempt.
I ducked it... and this is when things got ****ed up. I think the alcohol made me feel confident.
I'm not a tough guy by any means, but I yelled something on the lines of "Fat Midget can't beat Jackie Chan BIATCH"
As I dodged him like a Ninja.
I then proceeded to say "COME AT ME BRO" srs.
He picked up a fkn umbrella and started swinging. At this point I just bolted out the back yard.
Part 3 soon. (It gets better)