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A new legend has risen A new legend has risen

04-28-2013 , 10:26 PM
The legend of the penny picker


It happened after a bright and sunny day on the 28th of April, 2013.
It became darker outside and a beautiful evening gently introduced itself to me.
This was the day...... that I lost my innocence.


After spending a beautiful day watching football and enjoying the weather, the only way to end the day off appropriately was to play some NLHE, accompanied by my friends mr. Cola and mrs. Chips.
With a wide smirk plastered on my lips, I started playing my classic 'LAG - pairs are unfoldable' style that has made me to one of the most feared players at the FTP tables.
No one can handle my hyper aggressive kung-fu style; I can turn anyone into a nit, anxiously waiting for big hands to crack my pairs. If they think they can get me to fold they better second guess themselves, I'm going all the way to the top!
I'm a genius in simplicity: 'you can't win the pot if you fold your hand', so I don't.


Oh well, enough about me being truly awesome, let's talk business here for a moment:
I decided to single table @50NL, just to start things off. I used to play higher than this, but the idiots at 100NL+ keep sucking out and the decks are completely rigged. High cards almost never win at these stakes and pairs get cracked time and time again.


I sat down with a fish that didn't know what was gonna hit him. Within minutes I grinded my stack up to $53,-, when I decided to take my aggression to another level! While rubbing one out underneath the desk, I 3bet 72 to $5,-. GOD DAMNIT, i'm good!!
Villain called. Typical sign of a bad player giving away all momentum to an outstanding opponent.
Flop brought KJT. Of course I would normally bet here, but my spider senses told me that this board smacks Villains 3bet calling range across the mother f*cking face!! I decided to let this one slide and check-folded, amazed by my own composure and enormous talent for the game.
VILLAIN LEAVES??!! YOOU MOTHRADSAF****KAAA, I'M GONA KILL YOURR WHOLE GOTJDAMNNARFAMILY!!@! GUY PHACKIN HIT AND RUN MEEZ LIKE A PATHETIC GANG DRIVE BY!@!#3


Now the true aggression starts rising, this ain't got nothing to do with poker aggression, this is something else!!
Spoiler:
PERMAAAAAAAAAAA TILT!!!!!! R54Y34U %gsdfDFS#$@MODaFPh#%$#UCKAAH@$^%sVdSJOfd@1#9KO5jsa #$3



Alright calm yourself down Salvatore, you're the Italian stallion, you can handle some tilt. It's in your nature to overreact a little, let's pick this poker thing up again, come on.


I sit down with another 'tonno', a delicious looking tuna. He raises the very first hand and I just grin at the screen. I know these type of players... they're a special brand, they feel like they can outplay me and let me lay the goods down. Ha, this boy ain't got nothing on me, he has no idea what's gonna call him down.
I flat with 83 and the flop brings A45. BINGO! I almost slam my fist through the phucking table when I see the flop!! The sound of a slot machine paying out rings in my head. This is the type of flop I'm looking for. I can win A HUGE POT if the turn is a deuce and I still have six pair outs and the backdoor flush draw. I flat just to see a beautiful looking 3 rolling off on the turn.
CALLDOWNMODEACTIVATED!!!
He obv. bets again, because he's a steaming moron, so I flat again, setting the kid up. The river is the 9 and now he suddenly checks behind. HA! I guess the kid just couldn't pull the trigger.
I'm about to stand up to do my patented Italian victory dance, when the blockhead tables A7
WAAAAAAAAT DE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!@!##@$'87
PHUCK ME MAN, WHAT A MORON! Kid couldn't even find a valuebet to save his ass and now I'm down against him.
Ah well, if he keeps playing as ******ed as he has, I'll get it back in no ti-----
DAFUQ? HE FOKKIN' LEFT AGAIN?!@!? FUUUUUU*UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU*UCKkkK!!!!
As I watch the empty seat in front of me, a teardrop slides down my red, angered face and I drop down crying in rage.


.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..................................................


Alright, I had to take a break there for half an hour.
It hurts... it just hurts.
Reading back what I just wrote makes me relive the moment where those heartless hit and runners took my soul.
Those vampires feed themselves off of my blood and suck all the rage out of me.
After this, three other hit and runners would mess my beautiful day up. I was planning on writing these down as well, but the mental toll that this took from me made me pour my last fuc*in' hairs out, so I rather stop right here.


Now here is the redemption part, that gives me goosebumps of cheerfulness:
After these disgusting hit and runners stealing my money, I basically snapped. I completely lost it and have lost every grain of moral and ethic, that I've had in me, ever since


After unofficially declaring the day ruined, I decided to try making back some money off of those whales one more time.
I saw a player sitting with a gay looking screen name reading 'Cheerful Thundertits' and I immediately knew I'd get his stack within ten hands if I didn't get brutally coolered like before.
So, while casually raising AJ like the motherphuckin' bouse I am, I quickly checked how many tables this guy was playing, since I hate multitablers with a passion. Tossers think they're so awesome, acting like high rolling Nanonoko's or something. Jeez I wanna **** DEM PHONY'S UP SO BAD!!! ****!!
Alright calm down, continue typing, they're hanging on your lips.
So this big fat salmon was actually six tabling and while I was thinking about what a Nguyen-Nguyen situation it would be to win my money back and annihilate this phuckin' multi tabling brat, I saw that mr. Thundertits had folded and was sitting out.
Now this is all perfectly normal for me, because most players don't want a piece of the big hoss and sit out as soon as I sit down.
But then it struck me!!
Thundermoron was AFK and had clicked the 'Play Now' button on this table. That's a free $0.50 baby, GET IN!!
Then, my brilliant brain started to puzzle the master plan that I was about to carry out together. After only minutes of thinking I quickly, simultaneously sat down at all the other tables and posted my blinds. Morontits timed out on all five tables, making me rake in four SB's and a BB. Within just 20 seconds I had won $2,- almost risk free.
The moment of joy was overwhelming to me and I couldn't help but touching myself while crying of happiness.
Then I quickly counselled my amazing brain again and got my awesome mathskills running! If I would keep pinning dem penny's in the rate I was doing now, I would make $360/h pretty much risk free.
I picked up my phone and called my buddies to tell them I had discovered the most amazing thing ever and that we should celebrate it downtown with a wild night out. The rest is history.


This is the official moment that the legendary 'Penny Picker' came to life.

Beware of your stacks, because I'm fast as lightning and I'll hit whenever you least expect it. There always needs to be a hero beneath the surface. Tonight, a new one has risen!





Beat: I can't play poker profitably cuz I'm the unluckiest player alive

Brag: Easiest $2,- everrrrrrr

Variance: The times that Villain will return to his desk, just on time before the Penny Picker has done the deed.
A new legend has risen Quote
04-28-2013 , 10:34 PM
so much text
A new legend has risen Quote
04-28-2013 , 10:35 PM
cool. doei!
A new legend has risen Quote
04-28-2013 , 10:40 PM
This has potential, but it's too long. Should break up into multiple posts IMO.
A new legend has risen Quote
04-28-2013 , 10:43 PM
tl;dr....
A new legend has risen Quote
04-28-2013 , 11:01 PM
I really want to, but its too damn much.
A new legend has risen Quote
04-28-2013 , 11:33 PM
I did not read the OP.
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 12:06 AM
didnt read

Spoiler:
lol
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 12:10 AM
Cliffs:

- I didn't read it
- You didn't read it
- Thread has leprous projectile AIDS

Last edited by King Fish; 04-29-2013 at 12:25 AM. Reason: In B4 Lava Piranha.
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 12:11 AM
I'm gonna read 1 letter every day

T
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 01:40 AM
It was actually worth a read. I laughed out loud at some parts.
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 01:44 AM
^ I never trust a man who E's so maney D's that he moves to a town called Cummings.
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 03:46 AM
What's a ts op?
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 04:31 AM
Worth a read, some funny parts for sure.
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 05:24 AM
Too long
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 05:28 AM
Enjoyed reading all the way! GJ
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 10:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riepers
Enjoyed reading all the way! GJ
Cheers mate.
Dunnow why the pic can't load properly b.t.w.

A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 02:10 PM
rip ultimate sheriff
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 05:05 PM
brutal read

#getgood
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 05:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by omnishakira
I'm gonna read 1 letter every day

T
this is impossible for your brain to do

Spoiler:
#getgood
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 05:13 PM
A new legend has risen Quote
04-29-2013 , 05:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Salvatore
The legend of the penny picker


It happened after a bright and sunny day on the 28th of April, 2013.
It became darker outside and a beautiful evening gently introduced itself to me.
This was the day...... that I lost my innocence.


After spending a beautiful day watching football and enjoying the weather, the only way to end the day off appropriately was to play some NLHE, accompanied by my friends mr. Cola and mrs. Chips.
With a wide smirk plastered on my lips, I started playing my classic 'LAG - pairs are unfoldable' style that has made me to one of the most feared players at the FTP tables.
No one can handle my hyper aggressive kung-fu style; I can turn anyone into a nit, anxiously waiting for big hands to crack my pairs. If they think they can get me to fold they better second guess themselves, I'm going all the way to the top!
I'm a genius in simplicity: 'you can't win the pot if you fold your hand', so I don't.


Oh well, enough about me being truly awesome, let's talk business here for a moment:
I decided to single table @50NL, just to start things off. I used to play higher than this, but the idiots at 100NL+ keep sucking out and the decks are completely rigged. High cards almost never win at these stakes and pairs get cracked time and time again.


I sat down with a fish that didn't know what was gonna hit him. Within minutes I grinded my stack up to $53,-, when I decided to take my aggression to another level! While rubbing one out underneath the desk, I 3bet 72 to $5,-. GOD DAMNIT, i'm good!!
Villain called. Typical sign of a bad player giving away all momentum to an outstanding opponent.
Flop brought KJT. Of course I would normally bet here, but my spider senses told me that this board smacks Villains 3bet calling range across the mother f*cking face!! I decided to let this one slide and check-folded, amazed by my own composure and enormous talent for the game.
VILLAIN LEAVES??!! YOOU MOTHRADSAF****KAAA, I'M GONA KILL YOURR WHOLE GOTJDAMNNARFAMILY!!@! GUY PHACKIN HIT AND RUN MEEZ LIKE A PATHETIC GANG DRIVE BY!@!#3


Now the true aggression starts rising, this ain't got nothing to do with poker aggression, this is something else!!
Spoiler:
PERMAAAAAAAAAAA TILT!!!!!! R54Y34U %gsdfDFS#$@MODaFPh#%$#UCKAAH@$^%sVdSJOfd@1#9KO5jsa #$3



Alright calm yourself down Salvatore, you're the Italian stallion, you can handle some tilt. It's in your nature to overreact a little, let's pick this poker thing up again, come on.


I sit down with another 'tonno', a delicious looking tuna. He raises the very first hand and I just grin at the screen. I know these type of players... they're a special brand, they feel like they can outplay me and let me lay the goods down. Ha, this boy ain't got nothing on me, he has no idea what's gonna call him down.
I flat with 83 and the flop brings A45. BINGO! I almost slam my fist through the phucking table when I see the flop!! The sound of a slot machine paying out rings in my head. This is the type of flop I'm looking for. I can win A HUGE POT if the turn is a deuce and I still have six pair outs and the backdoor flush draw. I flat just to see a beautiful looking 3 rolling off on the turn.
CALLDOWNMODEACTIVATED!!!
He obv. bets again, because he's a steaming moron, so I flat again, setting the kid up. The river is the 9 and now he suddenly checks behind. HA! I guess the kid just couldn't pull the trigger.
I'm about to stand up to do my patented Italian victory dance, when the blockhead tables A7
WAAAAAAAAT DE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!@!##@$'87
PHUCK ME MAN, WHAT A MORON! Kid couldn't even find a valuebet to save his ass and now I'm down against him.
Ah well, if he keeps playing as ******ed as he has, I'll get it back in no ti-----
DAFUQ? HE FOKKIN' LEFT AGAIN?!@!? FUUUUUU*UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU*UCKkkK!!!!
As I watch the empty seat in front of me, a teardrop slides down my red, angered face and I drop down crying in rage.


.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..................................................


Alright, I had to take a break there for half an hour.
It hurts... it just hurts.
Reading back what I just wrote makes me relive the moment where those heartless hit and runners took my soul.
Those vampires feed themselves off of my blood and suck all the rage out of me.
After this, three other hit and runners would mess my beautiful day up. I was planning on writing these down as well, but the mental toll that this took from me made me pour my last fuc*in' hairs out, so I rather stop right here.


Now here is the redemption part, that gives me goosebumps of cheerfulness:
After these disgusting hit and runners stealing my money, I basically snapped. I completely lost it and have lost every grain of moral and ethic, that I've had in me, ever since


After unofficially declaring the day ruined, I decided to try making back some money off of those whales one more time.
I saw a player sitting with a gay looking screen name reading 'Cheerful Thundertits' and I immediately knew I'd get his stack within ten hands if I didn't get brutally coolered like before.
So, while casually raising AJ like the motherphuckin' bouse I am, I quickly checked how many tables this guy was playing, since I hate multitablers with a passion. Tossers think they're so awesome, acting like high rolling Nanonoko's or something. Jeez I wanna **** DEM PHONY'S UP SO BAD!!! ****!!
Alright calm down, continue typing, they're hanging on your lips.
So this big fat salmon was actually six tabling and while I was thinking about what a Nguyen-Nguyen situation it would be to win my money back and annihilate this phuckin' multi tabling brat, I saw that mr. Thundertits had folded and was sitting out.
Now this is all perfectly normal for me, because most players don't want a piece of the big hoss and sit out as soon as I sit down.
But then it struck me!!
Thundermoron was AFK and had clicked the 'Play Now' button on this table. That's a free $0.50 baby, GET IN!!
Then, my brilliant brain started to puzzle the master plan that I was about to carry out together. After only minutes of thinking I quickly, simultaneously sat down at all the other tables and posted my blinds. Morontits timed out on all five tables, making me rake in four SB's and a BB. Within just 20 seconds I had won $2,- almost risk free.
The moment of joy was overwhelming to me and I couldn't help but touching myself while crying of happiness.
Then I quickly counselled my amazing brain again and got my awesome mathskills running! If I would keep pinning dem penny's in the rate I was doing now, I would make $360/h pretty much risk free.
I picked up my phone and called my buddies to tell them I had discovered the most amazing thing ever and that we should celebrate it downtown with a wild night out. The rest is history.


This is the official moment that the legendary 'Penny Picker' came to life.

Beware of your stacks, because I'm fast as lightning and I'll hit whenever you least expect it. There always needs to be a hero beneath the surface. Tonight, a new one has risen!





Beat: I can't play poker profitably cuz I'm the unluckiest player alive

Brag: Easiest $2,- everrrrrrr

Variance: The times that Villain will return to his desk, just on time before the Penny Picker has done the deed.

Last edited by Rob_10108; 04-29-2013 at 05:32 PM. Reason: too many words
A new legend has risen Quote
04-30-2013 , 07:42 AM
good read brah
A new legend has risen Quote
04-30-2013 , 02:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Salvatore
The legend of the penny picker


It happened after a bright and sunny day on the 28th of April, 2013.
It became darker outside and a beautiful evening gently introduced itself to me.
This was the day...... that I lost my innocence.


After spending a beautiful day watching football and enjoying the weather, the only way to end the day off appropriately was to play some NLHE, accompanied by my friends mr. Cola and mrs. Chips.
With a wide smirk plastered on my lips, I started playing my classic 'LAG - pairs are unfoldable' style that has made me to one of the most feared players at the FTP tables.
No one can handle my hyper aggressive kung-fu style; I can turn anyone into a nit, anxiously waiting for big hands to crack my pairs. If they think they can get me to fold they better second guess themselves, I'm going all the way to the top!
I'm a genius in simplicity: 'you can't win the pot if you fold your hand', so I don't.


Oh well, enough about me being truly awesome, let's talk business here for a moment:
I decided to single table @50NL, just to start things off. I used to play higher than this, but the idiots at 100NL+ keep sucking out and the decks are completely rigged. High cards almost never win at these stakes and pairs get cracked time and time again.


I sat down with a fish that didn't know what was gonna hit him. Within minutes I grinded my stack up to $53,-, when I decided to take my aggression to another level! While rubbing one out underneath the desk, I 3bet 72 to $5,-. GOD DAMNIT, i'm good!!
Villain called. Typical sign of a bad player giving away all momentum to an outstanding opponent.
Flop brought KJT. Of course I would normally bet here, but my spider senses told me that this board smacks Villains 3bet calling range across the mother f*cking face!! I decided to let this one slide and check-folded, amazed by my own composure and enormous talent for the game.
VILLAIN LEAVES??!! YOOU MOTHRADSAF****KAAA, I'M GONA KILL YOURR WHOLE GOTJDAMNNARFAMILY!!@! GUY PHACKIN HIT AND RUN MEEZ LIKE A PATHETIC GANG DRIVE BY!@!#3


Now the true aggression starts rising, this ain't got nothing to do with poker aggression, this is something else!!
Spoiler:
PERMAAAAAAAAAAA TILT!!!!!! R54Y34U %gsdfDFS#$@MODaFPh#%$#UCKAAH@$^%sVdSJOfd@1#9KO5jsa #$3



Alright calm yourself down Salvatore, you're the Italian stallion, you can handle some tilt. It's in your nature to overreact a little, let's pick this poker thing up again, come on.


I sit down with another 'tonno', a delicious looking tuna. He raises the very first hand and I just grin at the screen. I know these type of players... they're a special brand, they feel like they can outplay me and let me lay the goods down. Ha, this boy ain't got nothing on me, he has no idea what's gonna call him down.
I flat with 83 and the flop brings A45. BINGO! I almost slam my fist through the phucking table when I see the flop!! The sound of a slot machine paying out rings in my head. This is the type of flop I'm looking for. I can win A HUGE POT if the turn is a deuce and I still have six pair outs and the backdoor flush draw. I flat just to see a beautiful looking 3 rolling off on the turn.
CALLDOWNMODEACTIVATED!!!
He obv. bets again, because he's a steaming moron, so I flat again, setting the kid up. The river is the 9 and now he suddenly checks behind. HA! I guess the kid just couldn't pull the trigger.
I'm about to stand up to do my patented Italian victory dance, when the blockhead tables A7
WAAAAAAAAT DE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!@!##@$'87
PHUCK ME MAN, WHAT A MORON! Kid couldn't even find a valuebet to save his ass and now I'm down against him.
Ah well, if he keeps playing as ******ed as he has, I'll get it back in no ti-----
DAFUQ? HE FOKKIN' LEFT AGAIN?!@!? FUUUUUU*UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU*UCKkkK!!!!
As I watch the empty seat in front of me, a teardrop slides down my red, angered face and I drop down crying in rage.


.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..................................................


Alright, I had to take a break there for half an hour.
It hurts... it just hurts.
Reading back what I just wrote makes me relive the moment where those heartless hit and runners took my soul.
Those vampires feed themselves off of my blood and suck all the rage out of me.
After this, three other hit and runners would mess my beautiful day up. I was planning on writing these down as well, but the mental toll that this took from me made me pour my last fuc*in' hairs out, so I rather stop right here.


Now here is the redemption part, that gives me goosebumps of cheerfulness:
After these disgusting hit and runners stealing my money, I basically snapped. I completely lost it and have lost every grain of moral and ethic, that I've had in me, ever since


After unofficially declaring the day ruined, I decided to try making back some money off of those whales one more time.
I saw a player sitting with a gay looking screen name reading 'Cheerful Thundertits' and I immediately knew I'd get his stack within ten hands if I didn't get brutally coolered like before.
So, while casually raising AJ like the motherphuckin' bouse I am, I quickly checked how many tables this guy was playing, since I hate multitablers with a passion. Tossers think they're so awesome, acting like high rolling Nanonoko's or something. Jeez I wanna **** DEM PHONY'S UP SO BAD!!! ****!!
Alright calm down, continue typing, they're hanging on your lips.
So this big fat salmon was actually six tabling and while I was thinking about what a Nguyen-Nguyen situation it would be to win my money back and annihilate this phuckin' multi tabling brat, I saw that mr. Thundertits had folded and was sitting out.
Now this is all perfectly normal for me, because most players don't want a piece of the big hoss and sit out as soon as I sit down.
But then it struck me!!
Thundermoron was AFK and had clicked the 'Play Now' button on this table. That's a free $0.50 baby, GET IN!!
Then, my brilliant brain started to puzzle the master plan that I was about to carry out together. After only minutes of thinking I quickly, simultaneously sat down at all the other tables and posted my blinds. Morontits timed out on all five tables, making me rake in four SB's and a BB. Within just 20 seconds I had won $2,- almost risk free.
The moment of joy was overwhelming to me and I couldn't help but touching myself while crying of happiness.
Then I quickly counselled my amazing brain again and got my awesome mathskills running! If I would keep pinning dem penny's in the rate I was doing now, I would make $360/h pretty much risk free.
I picked up my phone and called my buddies to tell them I had discovered the most amazing thing ever and that we should celebrate it downtown with a wild night out. The rest is history.


This is the official moment that the legendary 'Penny Picker' came to life.

Beware of your stacks, because I'm fast as lightning and I'll hit whenever you least expect it. There always needs to be a hero beneath the surface. Tonight, a new one has risen!





Beat: I can't play poker profitably cuz I'm the unluckiest player alive

Brag: Easiest $2,- everrrrrrr

Variance: The times that Villain will return to his desk, just on time before the Penny Picker has done the deed.
Spoiler:
you thought this was gonna be a didn't read lol gif didn't you.



















Spoiler:
A new legend has risen Quote

      
m