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Old 03-04-2012, 12:14 AM   #1
the Hamburglarrr
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My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

Phil Hellmuth story is the last chapter.

When i was a young child my mother always said "Charles you are going to be the death of me". While that may be true, she is still alive and well although I have put her through quite a bit. Now dont worry, this is poker related too (but its not a huge part of the story).

When I was 12 years old my mother caught me behind a huge pine tree with a girl I was friends with. We had our pants around our ankles and were trying to do the deed even though we didnt really know much about each others bodies. My mother walked up to me and slapped me right in the face. Pulled my pants up, looked at the young girl and said "go home you little slut". The girl started to cry as she ran home.

My mom was always hard on me, always yelling at me and grounding me. She hit me a few times, told me i was worthless numerous times and even uttered the odds "i wish I had a daughter". so things with my mom were never good.



On to the story

I never drank or did drugs but I was a real scrapper. I loved to fight. I got into my first tilt when i was 14 and got my face punched in by a 20 year old. here is the story.

Im walking down the road and this indian jumps out of the car (and by indian I just mean he's native, he didnt have feathers on his hat so get that image out of your head) and said to me "I saw what you just mouthed to me, you just called be a pussy didnt you". I clearly didnt do anything of the sort but this guy was looking to pick on a little kid to feel tough. I know his type. I walked up to him, spit on his face and said "come on *****". He punched me in the face and my eye hurt. He got me good and I stayed down. He called me a little puke and drove away. Real tough guy picking on me. Im not going to coward out so I brought the fight to him. or should I say the beat down.

Ever since then my goal was to learn how to fight and destroy bullies. I went home and asked my mom if I could learn kickboxing. She thought it was a great idea. I trained for 3 years and in this time no street fights. One day in highschool I saw the usual tough guy picking on a grade 9. He jerseyed him and was slapping him in the back. I walked up to the guy and said "your turn, take your shirt off". His response "what did you say you little **********". As soon as he spit out the word, I jumped up and kicked him square in the nose. It shattered and blood poured out, he fell to the ground and even though it was dirty, I boot ****ed him right in the stomach as hard as i could. So hard he actually threw up. I said "next time you try to be tough with someone smaller than you, think of what just happened. How does it make you feel being embarrassed in front of all these people"? I spit on him and walked away.

So I was getting really good at the kickboxing and next thing you know Im competing in the worlds. I didnt win but I came 2nd which obviously is not as good as first but still felt pretty damn good. The reason I feel I lost the championship is because I was fighting with bruised ribs. It even hurt to breathe. i didnt complain, oh well it happens I lost my oppenent was better.

Every single time I fought and trained, I would think of this Indian who beat me up and it would drive me to be better. I always had images in my head of finding him and laying a beating he would never forget. I come from a small town and he is quite well known for his antics so I guess it wouldnt be that hard to find him if i really wanted too.

So Im back in my small home town visiting my mother and she asks me to go to the store to buy her some aspirin for her. I agree and on my way I go. I pull up into the parking lot and i cannot believe who i see walking with two of his buddies. The Indian who treated me like a little girl.

I get out of my car and at this time, i dont know what Im going to do, ill play it as it goes. Most people in this town are familiar with me because of my "fame" in kickboxing but this Indian doesnt recognize me and neither do his friends. Im well built now so Im sure they realize i may not be a person to get into it with... or maybe they dont care. I dont know.

I walk right up to him and say "hey guys hows it going. Do you remember me"? he looks at me, you know that look of "i kinda feel dumb here cause i dont recognize this guy". His response is "no sorry man i dont know you".

"Do you remember years ago, you stopping your car, getting out and trying to pick a fight with a little kid"?

"no, ummm, no I dont know anything. What are you talking about"?

"A 14 year old kid who spit in your face and you punched him and he fell to the ground"?

he goes white, and is extremely uncomfortable

"wow man that was a long time ago, are you his big brother or something. Oh wow wait a second you're that kickboxer dude"?

My response "I am that kid"

All of them look really uncomfortable now and somewhat nervous that somethings going down.

I reach my hand out and say "thanks.. and because of you, I am a better person. I have a great life, Im healthy, I have a lot of money from sponsorships and every time I trained, i thought of beating the Indian right out of you".

he looks relieved, shakes my hand. I grab his hand, pull him closer to me. I spit right in his face and say "now what *****"? and I headbutt him. He drops and i cut his forehead wide open. I say to him "if i hear you ever raise your fists to someone not at least twice you size, I will destroy you".

he is shocked and obviously in pain. He doesnt do anything or say anything. I get back in my car and drove home.

i walk in the house and my mom says "great your home can i have an aspirin"?

"Oh shoot mom i forgot it sorry"

"What! How did you forget the aspirin you little son of a *****. Im sick and tired of your crap. You were always a little bastard and you do nothing for me. I wish a had a daughter instead of you"

I walk up to her, spit on her face and leave and say "go get your own aspirin".

My kickboxing days are over now, i dont compete. i do train on my own to stay in shape but thats about it. so now my income is poker. Im not a great player but I turn a profit. I make about $50k a year and live an okay life.

Now this final chapter may not be believable to many of you but i assure you, it's the truth. One day I was in a bar and I look to me left and there is Phil hellmuth having some kind o fgirlie frozen drink. Im like "hey your Phil right"? He's like "listen pal, Im not in a great mood so id appreciate it if you minded your own business". Im like "okay if you want to be a little baby, no problem I was just being polite".

"excuse me? I asked you to leave me alone and you need to cross the line and start throwing insults. Talk about classless buddy. You need to get a reality check. Now if you would just shut up and leave me alone, that would be great".

I dont want to push this any firther. So I just say "you're a little ***** stop crying and how abou tyou shut the **** up".

He jumps up and says "what are you some kind of tough guy. Ya you look real big and scary. Id love to kick your ass...I do need to warn I am trained in blackbelt"

Im in a bad mood and right then, this dude getting aggressive and being ignorant pisses me off. And then he throws his drink on me and tells me to get some manners.

I literally throttle him right in the eye. Smack right in the eye. He falls down and says "I cant believe you hit me, did everyone see that, he hit me. Call the cops bartender."

Bartender "Im not calling the cops but you guys get the **** out of here or i will... and i suggest Phil that you dont call the cops because you assaulted him first".

I look at Phil trying to stand up and was just about to spit on him. he didnt deserve that, so for the first time, i didnt spit on someone i just hit.

I grab my coat and leave and this is the real reason Phil Hellmuth had a blackeye.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6w...phil-hel_sport

Last edited by the Hamburglarrr; 03-04-2012 at 12:23 AM.
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:25 AM   #2
omnishakira
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

TL;MFKING;DR
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:31 AM   #3
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

very entertaining story. hope it's real. i actually went through a phase of randomly spitting in people's faces as well. it was more of a social experiment to see if i could get away with it. so when i would be introduced to someone at a party lets say a really hot chick or my mate's dad I would offer to shake their hand then just spit in their face. after awhile i gained a reputation for it and people came to expect it out of me like 'so you going to spit in my face now?' i've stopped doing it since it started to feel like getting away with murder on some of the larger ****s I did it to but it was fun while it lasted.
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:33 AM   #4
Coprolagnia
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

F*cken Christ...Who taught you how to tell a story?
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Old 03-04-2012, 01:01 AM   #5
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

I AM TRAINED IN BLACKBELT.
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Old 03-04-2012, 01:19 AM   #6
Primosten
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

OP is a spitting machine. lol'd everytime you spat on someone.
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Old 03-04-2012, 01:47 AM   #7
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

spitting if for sissys but beside that cool story brother.
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Old 03-04-2012, 02:05 AM   #8
joeco
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lr-oLQgvcuk
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Old 03-04-2012, 02:48 AM   #9
As1an1nvas1on
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Posting in epic thread
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Old 03-04-2012, 02:50 AM   #10
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

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Posting in epic thread
there is a reason no one likes you
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Old 03-04-2012, 02:57 AM   #11
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

First story was funny, but why would you ruin it with a fake and gay story after?

C+
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Old 03-04-2012, 03:03 AM   #12
canoodles
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

I spit on your thread. Don't screw with me little man, I am trained in blackbelt and I have over 5000x your post count.
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Old 03-04-2012, 04:45 AM   #13
homerunhitter7
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

"I didnt win but I came 2nd which obviously is not as good as first but still felt pretty damn good." <3
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Old 03-04-2012, 05:25 AM   #14
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

Pimpdaddy saved the day
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Old 03-04-2012, 05:28 AM   #15
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

chilly tale sibling
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Old 03-04-2012, 05:33 AM   #16
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

cliffs: op spits on people

I didnt read the first part but after you started spitting on people I couldn't stop laughing

Spoiler:
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Old 03-04-2012, 06:56 AM   #17
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

Visual cliffs:

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Old 03-04-2012, 07:36 AM   #18
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

haha funny A+
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Old 03-04-2012, 09:27 AM   #19
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

Load of bollocks imo.
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Old 03-04-2012, 09:35 AM   #20
the Hamburglarrr
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

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Originally Posted by Polar Beard View Post
Visual cliffs:

mohohohohoho!
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Old 03-04-2012, 10:35 AM   #21
Cerveza69
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A truly inspiring story, especially the part of spitting on your mother. You seem to have a knack for lobbing loogies toward people that are irritants. And if this story was actually something other than a fabrication, I might say some couseling might be in order.
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Old 03-04-2012, 11:10 AM   #22
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

anti-epic
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:06 PM   #23
the Hamburglarrr
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

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Originally Posted by Cerveza69 View Post
A truly inspiring story, especially the part of spitting on your mother. You seem to have a knack for lobbing loogies toward people that are irritants. And if this story was actually something other than a fabrication, I might say some couseling might be in order.
she had it coming for years
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:47 PM   #24
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

Funny story,op says he makes 50k from poker like nothing
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:57 PM   #25
the Hamburglarrr
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Re: My story of getting beat up and more (Phil Hellmuth story of why he had a black eye)

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Funny story,op says he makes 50k from poker like nothing
Its actually a sick and hard grind. Im probably going to quit in a few years, pay off my mortgage and live off investments. Ill still play, just cut my time in half at the very least.
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